Sex changes

I'm now halfway through 'Middlesex' and finding it great reading. Such a riveting story and most enlightening about a condition that so many people have exoerienced, but little is known about their lives.

My once male cousin told me that she knew she was in the wrong body from about the age of 4. Her parents told her all would be well once she was married. How wrong could they have been.

Admittedly this all happened many years ago when gay/lesbian/transgender folk were frowned upon.

My cousin has craved acceptance and love from her family and has not received it.

Well done to you Galen for supporting your new daughter. It must be hard but you will both benefit in the end.

A tough time for your whole family, Galen and hopefully your acceptance with ease the strain of what your 'new' daughter is going through. I know it's been awful for you, worrying about her wellbeing. I've met and known quite a few people who have transitioned - some decided not to have the final surgery, some had regrets and wondered if they had done the right thing, but most felt complete relief to find themselves in the body they had felt was right for them at last. The ones who remained near to supportive families fared well. I had one colleague who liked to amuse her neighbours by dashing up ladders to fix her roof, wearing her female clothes. She said one of the perks of being transgender was seeing the penny drop on other people's faces and being able to tell them how great her life is nowadays.

Terribull thanks for the recommendation - I have just ordered 'Middlesex' and looking forward to reading it.

Galen - I have a friend in exactly the same position re her son - now daughter. I think the hardest thing is to know that your child has been unhappy in their skin for such a long time and you may not have been aware of it. I hope that the transition is smooth.

The most difficult thing seems to have been to decide at what point you refer to him as her. And explaining to friends and family.

Good luck to all of you with this.

Galen, I'm sure it is really difficult for you having had a son for so long who now is becoming a woman! You know we are always here for you!

A friend's ex-husband has become a woman which appears to have had a huge effect on the mental health of his two daughters, one of whom has attempted suicide on numerous occasions!

Some years ago I saw a chat show about the problems of transgender people. One person there had been born with no sex organs at all and therefore no sex defining hormones. He/she was the most fascinating person I've ever seen, one moment you thought you were looking at a girl then with a slight change of expression it was a young man. He/she dressed in either male or female clothes or a mixture of both depending on his/her mood. I've never seen anyone who seemed so happy in their own skin, the lack of sexual interest in anyone else seemed to have removed so many of the emotional problems most of us have and left an air of serenity. He/she didn't seem to feel that they were missing anything because there was no concept of what it would be like to be different.

My niece is gay and my son is becoming another daughter.
I'm supporting her, but I find it difficult

My sister is gay and thanks to her it has opened me up over the years to the LGBT world and to accept them for who they are. I met a guy in a gay club where my sister worked who was then in his 50's who had been married and had children and was still going to clubs in secret because he knew his family would not accept him. It was awful.

Thank goodness for the differences of us all.

Pompa I too was biased and did not understand all the upset and pain Transgender people can feel.

Earlier this year my male cousin contacted me who I have not seen since he was about 8 and now 57. He had a sex change 25 years ago.

Since then we have been in regular contact female to female and I have heard about the awful life she has led in order to become the woman that she always felt she was.

She is now ignored by all her family including children (other than myself and my sister) and is so sad and rejected, but she has made a reasonable life for herself.

She has become a Quaker - who accept gay/lesbian/transgender people.

I was very sad when she said 'I am waiting to meet my parents in the next life and hope they will take my hand and accept and love me'.

My Nan said his worst crime was going on tv and bringing attention to himself. Remember, he had two children who had to go to school the next day, in the early seventies when attitudes were a lot different. I used to feel indignant that the midwife asked Nan, just after labour, "what would you like". She was 18 with a husband in the trenches she wanted to please. "My husband would like a boy". So that was it. The midwife felt a choice had to be made. It was unthinkable then, and probably still is to-day, that you announce to the world that you had given birth to a baby of unknown sex.

jo1book That is horrific (the funeral thing). Man's inhumanity to man.

Your uncle's experiences are interesting and heart rending jo1book. It can only be a positive thing that there is less prejudice around about sexuality generally. One of my close pals said he knew he was gay from age 7 - 8, this at a time when homosexuality activity was illegal. He is now 73 but remembers being taken at age 18 for a drink by a slightly older man in the northern, former cotton town where we live. He said the excitement of realising "I'm not the only one, there are 8 of us in this town" was wonderful for the shy young man he was then.
My children's generation have never been anything other than at ease with gay/lesbian friends or relations. Our youngest daughter enjoyed the Imitation Game, but was horrified at the way in which gay men were criminalised. She hadn't realised how relatively recent the changes in the law were.

When I worked in a coffee shop we had a customer who was a nice looking woman with long blonde hair. It was only when she spoke to you that you realised she had a man's voice. We used to chat because she was doing a design course which I was interested in. Once when the subject of age came up I said that she looked much younger than her age because her skin was so good and she said it was because of something she was taking and I thought " that'll be the oestrogen" but usually I never thought about her being different at all, she was just who she was.

"Apparently, he was given a course of hormones from day one, according to Nan; not what you would expect in 1917. He was very mixed up all his life."

That reminds me of David Reimer. Colapinto's book here.

I watched this on BBC 4 a few weeks ago.
I found it rather disturbing viewing, especially in such young children who seemed so mature for their years.
A programme he did on adults was very enlightening and interesting but the other one I struggled with.

This is the programme: www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b05qkzt2/louis-theroux-transgender-kids

Just dipping into it now.

Oh jo your poor uncle! Thank goodness you were there. What a sad life he must have had.

I don't know if any GNs have read the brilliant Pulitzer Prize winning book "Middlesex" by Jeffrey Eugenides. The main character is a hermaphrodite, born a girl, but as she grows up it becomes clear that although classified as female her sex is indeterminate and her male side comes to the fore as the book progresses. An excellent book that enlightens he reader about a very difficult condition.

I believe that there is to be a programme on TV soon about transgender children who are being treated - now that does worry me. Fine for adults who have some experience of life and who have been carefully advised; but children need a bit more life behind them before they could make such a decision - and their parents should not be making it for them.

I have a friend who is male to female; she was a big chap so she cannot really carry it off - no-one would imagine for a moment that she might have been born female. But she is a flamboyant sort of person and can cope with the stares. I guess you must feel very strongly that you are in the wrong body to go through all that the treatment entails.

My uncle had these drugs when he was in his fifties and they made him a quivering wreck, which is why he left them off. The last I saw of him was at my grandmother's funeral standing way off as he knew he was persona non grata with his father and four siblings. I was the only one who walked across the churchyard to talk to him. He was convulsed with grief for no one had told him Nan was dying. I have never seen anyone so lonely.

We know a transgender male/female. She is married to a schoolfriend of dd2. The couple had 3 children together but she finally came out around 4 years ago and has undergone complete gender reassignment including the surgery. Unfortunately, she really doesn't have a very good dress sense and tends to wear age inappropriate clothes (she's 43) such as gold leggings or black tights with denim shorts. I think you need to be a sub 25 clubber to get away with this!

The marriage has continued in the fullest sense and this is what puzzles a lot of us.The wife/mother was certainly heterosexual when they married, and you don't actually become lesbian-you either are or you aren't, so there's some complex psychology there.

This is a subject that I find very difficult as I am extremely biased, I know that is wrong, but I can't help the way I feel, no way however would I ever criticise an individual as they have every right to live any way they wish. However I recently watched "The Imitation game" I felt both sorry and ashamed about the way he and thousands of others were treated, appalling.
I have had some experience of sex changing drugs (not intentional), not pleasant.

going to do something useful
It's Friday night, it's a Bank Holiday weekend.
Leave useful until next week

I was waiting to read which party supported/was against transgender people jo1book!

It was definitely less enlightened in those days, the poor man must have felt very confused all his life.

I haven't seen any in people's windows near us.
There are placards along the main but quite rural road near us. There are often quite a lot along the edges of fields, but I haven't seen many this time
mustgetoutmore

dont panic jo we have all done it! The story of your uncle is very interesting, especially the'shame' aspect of it....it wasnt his fault. He should have written a book, although nowadays I suppose it would be a blog. He must have been very confused, especially in the buttoned up times that he was growing up.