Transgenderism

Mary, thanks so much for posting. It's really helpful to have first hand information of these issues as they affect people directly. It's encouraging to learn that you have managed the transition so well. Like others who have posted, I think it would help us as a society to move these issues forward if we saw gender as a spectrum which we're all on somewhere.

Good on you Mary- and thanks for sharing here.

Due to the totally irreversible nature of male to female permanent transition- doctors here, and I imagine in the UK- will not want t go ahead if there are clearly other issues influencing the decision and the outcome- and quite rightly so.

Thanks for your helpful post Mary - I am glad that you have a positive story - but sorry to hear that your family have not been helpful.

My friend has the full support of family and friends, even though we all admit to not fully understanding what it is all about. Better to admit that I think than to pretend and be dishonest. She is about 6 foot 3 inches, so will find it hard to ever pass as a woman, and she has huge feet and masculine features. But she has a certain panache that will I hope carry her through the stares etc.

There is a programme on TV this week with Grayson Perry asking what it is to be masculine. That should be interesting.

Thanks bags

Apparently you can't get a passport if you don't identify as male or female but as 'neutral' with regard to gender. I think the person I read about who is affected by this also had university applications turned down because they wouldn't tick a box declaring their gender to be male or female. I'm wondering why the gender of a student matters to a university? If the person just wants to study, why is gender important?

Is this screen grab any good, anya?

The article you posted bags was time limited so haven't been able to read it.

Interestingly I've just finished reading a book called The New Woman by Charity Norman which deals with transgender and focuses not just on the main character but his it effects their family and friends, work and career, and other issues.

It completely changed my attitude inasmuch I now realise the momentous feelings that these poor people must face throughout their lives and how lucky those of us who are born securely into our own bodies are very lucky indeed. This book makes you realise it is nothing to do with sexuality at all but everything to do with gender identity which is a separate issue. Opened my eyes.

I'm glad things are working for you Mary. The life of someone who has transitioned is far from easy.

My cousin has joined the Quakers and they are accepting of Lesbians, Gays, Bi and Trans people . My eyes have certainly been opened to a very different world since being back in touch with her.

IMO it would be great if we could all be accepted as somewhere on the spectrum of male/ female.

Thank you very much Mary for sharing that.I am glad things on the whole are working out for you. I am also a Christian and am delighted you have been accepted by your local brothers and sisters in Christ which of course is just how it should be. Wishing you well for your future.x

@Galen: One thing we have to repeat many times on the support forums is that transition does not solve all your problems. It solves one really big one, but if there are others, as there seem to be in this case, they will come back and bite you. "Transgender" isn't a verb by the way, I say "transition".

@mumofmadboys: I am afraid the TV coverage is likely to have searched out the comparatively rare failures as that gets more viewers.

I've only had one surgical procedure and that was vaginoplasty. I may not be a very pretty woman, but I didn't feel the need for facial cosmetic surgery. I don't have a visible adam's apple so I didn't need that one either. (This is after a makeover and some professional attention from a makeup artist this year, so aged 67 - www.dropbox.com/s/rxclptn4ast5vxu/Mary%20After%20001.jpg?dl=0) I had been living full time as a woman for three years before the surgery so it didn't make a lot of difference, just that I now feel right. About two years ago I joined my local "Baptist Ladies" group. At the Christmas dinner we were asked to introduce ourselves with our names and some strange fact about ourselves. I told them my name and that I have 12 children. That is rather unusual these days. For the rest of the evening most of the Ladies were wondering how I could possibly have such a good figure. Naughty but I did really like it!

I do know some transwomen who are not at all convincing, but more who are completely convincing unless you know exactly what to look for.

I've been full time for four and a half years now and I've got rid of almost all of the depression and anxiety. Not all - losing my family is a depressing situation. I'm fortunate to live in an easy going town and also that people I meet can't tell my background. I haven't experienced physical violence and have had verbal abuse only from a couple of the residents in the retirement flats where I live. I do feel my story is more of a success story than a list of difficulties.

My local Asperger group recently decided there were enough women to have a women only meeting - the main meetings are mainly men. I was thought to be the most capable of the women so I'm nominally in charge of the women's group. I was a member of the Asperger group before I transitioned so they do know my history. I'm deeply involved in my church, and again I transitioned after joining it. Sunday a week ago was "Stewardship Sunday" and was taken by the finance team. As I'm co-treasurer I gave half the sermon, which is a lot harder than talking. I'm very good at talking!

How very difficult for you Galen, I am sorry.

I've been closely involved with 2 people who went through the whole process here in Switzerland (both male to female)- and here they will not agree to go ahead with the hormonal and physical reversal unless and until other psychiatric problems, or any issues with drugs or alcohol, are first resolved.

One went through the whole process aged 19- and no-one would ever know she was ever a man. Right voice, small and delicate hands and feet and figure. The other did this in late 40s- after being married for almost 20 years and the father of two teenage daughters. No regrets, but it is not easy for her, as she is tall and still has a low voice and masculine features which everyone notices immediately.

Before we got to know her well, she was called a 'disgusting pervert' at a Fête, by one local expat we had invited- as she said hello to her at the Ladies'. We were truly embarrassed and shocked by our guest's reaction (who was not invited again).

Community psychiatric nurse

What is CPN please?

He's got CPN and helpful GP.

Oh it has turned blue all by itself !

Galen what a very difficult time you are both having.

Does you son know of the society that helps transgender people called Mermaids ? They really helped my cousin and she has bequeathed all her money to them, to help possible transgender children.They are based in Brighton.

www.mermaidsuk.org.uk/

Sorry don't know how to make it blue but if you copy and paste it into Google you will get all the details.

Apols for spelling error! - "their" should read "there."

I was earlier than you. I qualified in 1967. I don't think sex had been invented then let alone transgenderism

Thanks Luckygirl. I will watch this. I was a medical student in the late 70s/early 80's.

It must be a concern for you Galen - we all want our children to feel content with who they are - let us hope their can be some happy resolution to this for him.

I too would like to hear from Mary and learn from her about how this all works and what she sees as a good outcome to help others to understand.

mumofmadboys - I believe the surgery has changed substantially now. The shaft of the penis is used to create a vagina; and the scrotum is used to create labia. Sensitive parts of the glans are used to create a clitoris. Here is a link to an animation of the process: www.youtube.com/watch?v=zGkiC3Y8kk0

Maybe if gender was not so defined there would not be so many problems for people. Mind you I am talking from ignorance of the subject although I do know of and are slightly acquainted with a couple of transgender people.

Didn`t see your post Galen before I added mine . That must be really hard for you both , I hope he is getting support xx

My son had a male friend at primary and secondary school who would dress as a girl and wear make up at home . They are still in touch and he is now very much a man with wife ect . This is why I think that any treatment should not start until at least 17-18 . It would have been a disaster for this young chap if he had been able to start gender reassignment as a child .

@Galen I wonder how much help he is getting with making such a decision? He may be hoping that if he transitions his problems will be over - I've read so many stories of people who do this and then are more miserable than ever as they find their problems are about more than gender.
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