Policies please!!!

Theresa always listens, mostlyharmless. At least that's what she always tells us.
Do you think she's telling lies?
I know that's unparliamentary language. Luckily, I am not an MP.

Theresa, please take the blindfold off and look around you. And listen to people.

It's lucky no-one believed all that "strong and stable" stuff. How let down we'd be feeling now, wouldn't we.

I expect Theresa is too busy screaming into a cushion to get back to us GNers.

Actually, I think Theresa put the three Brexiteers in charge on purpose, knowing they would not be able to agree, and would make a mess of things.
Am I right, Theresa?

Well Theresa indeed, I just don't know how you are all getting away with the shocking way you are all behaving - would any other country put up with you all!

Well, Theresa, you appear to have given up now, or gone into hiding.

Any ideas about David Davis now?
How about asking him to give impact assessments or analyses?

Has David Davis found his get out of jail free card?
He's threatened to resign if Damian is sacked.

Your answer to that, Theresa?

Andrew Mitchell has just said there is no real proof that it was your friend Damian, just on the balance of probability.
Can you find a suitable hacker who will admit to having sent them?

I think you need to have a policy of all tory MPs to be in the commons chamber whenever they are on TV.
Otherwise we'll all be thinking the worst of them.

Thousands of them?
Perhaps you should just tell him to be honest about it and own up?
I'm sure his seat is safe enough for him to weather the storm.

When Damian wasn't looking? When he had just logged on and was writing emails, but he had his back turned for three hours?
It will take more than a dedicated aide to get him out of that one; a few million, perhaps, shared between you, Philip and Damian, put in an account in a tax haven, perhaps.

Oh dear! I've just heard about Damien's latest faux pas. As if I didn't have enough to cope with. I don't see how he can wriggle out of will explain this. Unless some dedicated aide steps up and says he did it when Damien wasn't looking. Maybe I could ring Andrea and ask if she'd like a turn looking after things. To paraphrase Henry 11 "Will no-ne rid me of these meddlesome men?" (and that includes Boris, Michael etc.)

Dear mostlyharmless all relationships go through bad patches. It seems a lifetime ago that Donald held my hand and whispered sweet nothings to me. I should have listened then to the whispers that he was a lying bastard not good at long term commitment. Once we have got over this blip and I have crawled a bit more I am confident we can restore our relationship to its previous level of specialness.

It's quite shocking that Trump responded by tweeting to you to focus on Britain's problems not on him.
Very embarrassing all round. What happened to the "special relationship" beyween UK and the US?

Dear Theresa
May I congratulate you on standing up for UK and for multiculturalism in your response to Trump's crazy retweets.

Are you worried, Theresa?

"The Cabinet is morbidly and irrevocably split on Brexit and, rather than focusing on their individual briefs, Ministers now spend their days attempting to steal each others’. The International Trade Secretary wants to run Britain’s foreign policy. The Environment Secretary is learning all about hypothecation, apparently fancying himself as Chancellor, and The Times reported that he is busy researching the difference between a J curve and a j-cloth. Meanwhile, the Foreign Secretary continues to scheme for the top job. He is the first to praise the Prime Minister, while constantly plotting to undermine her—Iago on steroids. Ironically, the only person who does not want to be in No. 10 is its current occupant. She remains, as in the Monty Python parrot sketch, nailed to the perch and “off the twig”. The Prime Minister’s metabolic processes are, politically speaking, history."

Steer the country through Brexit?
By offering more and more money until hopefully those who voted for it decide they don't want it any more?
What a good idea.

infacts.org/44bn-bill-just-start-mays-truly-awful-brexit-deal/

Of course, you will have to offer a second referendum, another u-turn, won't you?

Well can I just say that we intend to cling onto power steer this country through the difficult waters of Brexit and into a safe harbour. By then many of our housing policies will have filled the pockets of many of our friends be beginning to bear fruit.
I advised Damien to cover his tracks take care and not misuse party funds. He's just incompetent having some problems.
Hubby and I never discuss money. I'm sure he will pay any tax he owes once he has salted away enough cash and we're as rich as the Blairs

No profit, oh dear.
Then you must have a really good understanding of the just-about-managing, Theresa.

I hope you're not finding that this thread is getting a little depressing, with one or two negative comments.

Here's a jolly article about comedy to cheer you up - I bet you love Monty Python!
www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/robin-lustig/theresa-may_b_18519340.html

Dear Theresa,
Your government seems to be very good at hiding transferring money from account to account in your housing policy. And then the same money appears again and again in different policies. Will the housing ever be built?

While we're on the subject of hiding creative accounting, wouldn't it be a good idea to remind hubby that his company should be paying tax? From a turnover of a trillion pounds they claim to make no profit!

Theresa, perhaps you need to rethink your housing policy.
You really can't continue to use the same £2 billion on housing, moving it from one pledge to another. You've been found out.

www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/housing-theresa-may-affordable-crisis_uk_5a1d6874e4b071403b28fdd1?utm_hp_ref=uk-politics

What policy do you have on hanging onto your front bench, Theresa?

www.politicshome.com/news/uk/political-parties/conservative-party/news/90963/damian-green-%E2%80%98offered-pay-dup-adviser-tory

I think you may be going to lose your right hand man, your best friend from university.
I'm so sorry about that.

Did you know that he had offered Tory money to fund the job?
Should you have known?

"Rebellions were only possible [against finance bills] because the Government tabled an “amendment to the law resolution” – allowing amendments outside the narrow scope of measures in the Budget itself.

Following last Wednesday’s Budget, that amendment was not put forward as normal, preventing revolts on wider issues not “in the founding resolutions” of the Budget.

Labour said this had happened only five times since 1929 – but each time had been immediately before, or after, a general election, when a Budget needed to be rushed through.

In contrast, the current Finance Bill is the second of this Parliament, because one was passed immediately after the snap June election. "

This is interesting, Theresa.
Are you planning another snap election?

Bad luck, dj, you should realise that the will of the people was for the Tories to take back control. They voted for it democratically so what could be wrong with that?
It's all for our own good. I understand that, Theresa, thank you.

www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/theresa-may-rigging-parliament-budget-amendments-block-mps-latest-a8079056.html

Can we have our democracy back, please, Theresa?
It's not funny any more.