Policies please!!!

Continuation of the Ralf Little/Jeremy Hunt spat/discussion about NHS statistics.

twitter.com/FullFact

I do hope, Theresa, that you have managed to ask Hunt to correct his statistics.
Of course, like the rest of your cabinet, he probably chooses to ignore you.
How do you do it, choose such complete Hunts for your cabinet?

Yes.
He's always plotting something.

That's so weired dj I asked Philip about trying out a driverless car and he just mumbled something about it "being too close to real life" and "going round in circles" before I could ask any more he rushed off saying he had to balance the numbers.. Have you noticed Boris has gone very quiet, but rumours that he has been tied up and gagged are entirely untrue, he is simply being more circumspect (OMG you don't suppose he's plotting something do you?)

Keep Philip away from driverless cars would be another good policy. In fact, you should have thought about it before he mentioned going in one.

"But aides apparently wary of photographs which could be used as metaphors for a ‘driverless’ Government just days before Wednesday’s Budget have insisted Mr Hammond will not be allowed to use one of the vehicles.”

Too late! "

Here's an even better one for you, Theresa.
Tax the rich. Apparently they don't move, they pay!
Shocking, isn't it?

www.taxresearch.org.uk/Blog/2017/11/20/if-you-tax-the-rich-they-dont-move-they-just-pay/

(I hope you have gone to bed, FarNorth, it might be too much for your sensibilities.)

Poor Theresa. I think all hope of credibility for the UK in Brexit negotiations has totally vanished as our soon-to-be-ex fellow Europeans gaze at our government with astonishment and bewilderment.

Sorry, FarNorth. I was just thinking of something that might give her a bit of kudos and therefore some leeway in Brexit negotiations.
She definitely looks as though she needs some help there, don't you think?

Oh, really, dj, you're so impractical. Theresa doesn't want policies like that. They'd be bad for rich people the economy.

Here's a good policy for you, Theresa.
END AUSTERITY NOW.

www.taxresearch.org.uk/Blog/2017/11/20/the-chancellor-must-end-austerity-now-it-is-punishing-an-entire-generation/

I double dare you.

I notice you have given West Midlands an extra £250 million from a fund where all the other cities have to bid for the funding from £1.7 billion.
It couldn't be because the mayor, Andy Street, is a Tory, could it? And a Tory donor?

Naughty Theresa.
Is that what you meant by transparent government?

I hear that Hammond ducked out of his trip to drive a driverless car today.
Can you make sure he does it soon, and takes you with him?

Just remember that Larry the cat can depend on Palmerston at the FCO and Gladstone at the Treasury for inside information. They have such good feline chats round the back of No. 10. ???

FarNorth I am so pleased you approve (there aren't many people who do now)
dj Jeremy is working hard behind the scenes working out the value of everything in the NHS before we privatise the best bits Who is Simon Stevens?
I am currently not agreeing with everybody. Larry has provided me with an alternative approach. It involves staring very hard at a spot just over everyone's head and not moving. He assures me it unnerves people and cats have been using it for centuries.

Made up on the hoof by Philip, I think, FarNorth. You know what Theresa is like; she listens to everyone, then agrees with them all.
Isn't that right, Theresa?

I don't remember any Gransnetters suggesting that policy, TM, but I like it.
The managing-very-nicely-thankyou will believe you and will happily keep voting Tory.
So that'll be nice, won't it.

Philip said that as well, or nearly. Apparently the problem of the NHS is because Simon Stevens hasn't been doing his job properly. I thought that Jeremy Hunt was in charge.
Can you sort him out again, please?
Philip is going to have enough problems this week, with doing the budget.
Maybe he's got too much on his plate, and needs time to rest?

dj this is part of our new policy of denying everything so - no unemployed, no housing crisis, no NHS Oops!

A problem about driverless cars has appeared.
Philip does not appear to think that all those who drive for a living will have a problem getting work. He said that all those typists who were put out of work by technology must have found new jobs because there are no unemployed!
Can you remind him that, although unemployment figures are down, it hasn't disappeared altogether, and that many people are underemployed?
Andrew Marr appeared to be quite flummoxed by that response.

As Andrea pointed out during the leadership farce contest I don't have children. But driverless cars may mean parents can send their children to Granny's for the day and nurseries won't be needed.

Dear Theresa
Could you do something about the free childcare your Government promised in 2015?
The subsidy from the Government doesn't cover the nursery/playgroup staff costs and so parents find the "free hours" aren't available in practice. Many childcare facilities operate at a loss and increasingly nurseries are going out of business.
The brilliant Surestart scheme started by the Labour government was very effective until Tory austerity cuts hit.

There I've got something! Driverless Cars! Now that should inspire everyone and take your minds off the schools, the NHS and the housing crisis.

That's one of your better ideas, Theresa.

Oh I wish I'd thought of that. Do you think Larry could be persuaded to write speeches for me? I shall buy some cat treats and see

That naughty Larry the Cat has been tweeting again, Theresa. This is what he said:
Summary of David Davis' speech:
The incompetent, promising the impossible, to the ill-informed, in front of the incredulous.
Just thought you should know!
??

Sounds like the Telegraph is casting around for someone else to blame.
I imagine that the civil servants have had a weird few months, hanging around waiting for clear guidance from Davis and other ministers on what exactly is the government position on Brexit.
Davis's strategy seems to be
1. Talk in a macho way about the negotiations as if it is something he's supposed to "win" rather than a process whereby the best possible outcome for Britain can be co-operatively agreed
2. Delay as much as possible despite the fact that he's had a clear timeline from the EU, and a lot of clarity about what areas have to be agreed before talks about trade can commence.
3. Make occasional meaningless announcements about "significant progress"
4. Imply that that the EU are somehow not being fair to him.
Meanwhile the civil servants must oscillate between putting their heads in their hands and doing the Times crossword because they don't know what he wants them to actually DO. I note that several senior people in the Brexit department have departed their posts in the last few months. And who can be surprised.