Gransnet forums

News & politics

Mother blames school

(63 Posts)
vampirequeen Mon 29-Jan-18 18:29:45

A sad story. A dad who looked after the children whilst his wife worked away sadly died in bed. The children were alone with his body for several hours.

The mother is now blaming the school for the trauma her children suffered by being left alone with the body because they didn't make more effort to get in touch with her when there was no answer from the home telephone.

I feel sorry for this lady and it's a very sad story but I don't see how the school can be held responsible. They phoned the home number to see why the older child was absent. There was no reply. What were they supposed to do? The father wasn't an ill man...his death was totally unexpected. Why would the school think it was anything other than the child having a day off school for some reason?

Baggs Fri 02-Feb-18 06:00:54

I think maryeliza's point that having a system in place that covers every eventuality being nigh on impossible is a valid point. There is always something a system won't have predicted and accounted for. I think me's true point is simply that not all tragedies can be avoided however hard we try.

If the current system is found to be wanting in ways that can be remedied, such as having two numbers to call, then efforts should be made to apply that remedy. I've always been asked for two numbers. Before mobile phones were common, you gave one or more work numbers and/or the number of a friend whose permission one had sought. The last was mainly about having someone who could collect your child from school though.

Eloethan Fri 02-Feb-18 01:42:00

maryeliza As far as I'm concerned, one little boy starving to death next to his dead mother and two little girls lying next to their dead father for many hours is reason enough to try and ensure that all unexplained school absences are followed up, if necessary by the police (and I'm absolutely NOT blaming the schools in either case - a proper procedure should be in place).

I don't accept that because these are very rare incidents nothing further needs to be done, and think your comments in respect of these two awful tragedies are rather flippant.

MissAdventure Thu 01-Feb-18 23:55:12

It seems a bit 'hit and miss'. I think a more across the board, in every school approach might be better.

Jalima1108 Thu 01-Feb-18 23:42:46

I think it's rather unfair that this woman's views have been misrepresented. I saw the interview. She was perfectly calm and rational and certainly was not blaming the school.
That's what I saw too.

On our news this evening there has been the story of a little boy with Downs Syndrome who was put on the school bus by his parent, didn't arrive at school - because no-one had noticed he was the only child still on the bus which was then parked and left locked for the whole school day. Poor little boy, he couldn't speak and couldn't undo his seatbelt and was left in the cold for over 6 hours. There was supposed to be an escort on the bus but I don't know what happened. There is an investigation going on.

Perhaps a system such as Maggiemaybe suggests would have prevented this happening.

maryeliza54 Thu 01-Feb-18 23:32:17

That’s a bit melodramatic Eloe. What should the school be doing - ringing every hour? Calling the police? How many cases are there where a child doesn’t turn up for school on one day and it’s a matter of life or death? What about the holidays and weekends - who would be checking then?

Eloethan Thu 01-Feb-18 22:10:37

I think it's rather unfair that this woman's views have been misrepresented. I saw the interview. She was perfectly calm and rational and certainly was not blaming the school. Why is it that people are always ready to pillory someone who has suffered such a tragedy?

Saying that children should be taught to dial 999 or get help in another way is a good idea but not all children will be taught to do this, and some - like the poor little boy with learning disabilities - wouldn't be able to.

In my view, there should always be a follow-up if a child isn't at school and there has been no message from a parent/carer or no response to the school's request for an explanation of the absence. I realise that schools have too much to do already - and I am in no way criticising them - but this could be a case of life or death.

Maggiemaybe Thu 01-Feb-18 10:13:11

First persuade your Head to spend money on something decent when it doesn't save him work, and they do always break down.
Well, yes, that's what I did. Put forward a solid case for a system that will save staff time and money and promote child welfare and even the most Luddite headteacher shouldn't need persuading. And no, they don't all break down.

10 years ago school budgets were better than now
See above, maryeliza. Sometimes you've to spend a bit to save a lot (in time, as well as in cash terms).

Yes, a school may be "fulfilling their duty" if they ring the numbers given (though in this case they only rang one). Tough luck though on the child who's sitting all day next to a dead parent, or one totally out of it on heroin, or who has been left alone in a cold house all night. Those who think these scenarios are rare need to consider that in some areas they most certainly are not.

maryeliza54 Thu 01-Feb-18 09:50:46

We are hearing if schools where teachers are providing basic materials out of their own pockets, where parents were asked to fund equipment for playtime - 10 years ago school budgets were better than now. As long as schools have emergency contact numbers for when there is a problem with a child, and they do their best then to contact these numbers, then they are fulfilling their duty. As for absences, they have to follow the Government rules on how these are authorised and reported. Having a system in place for every eventuality however vanishingly rare seems a bit of overkill.

eazybee Thu 01-Feb-18 09:08:00

'decent electronic registration and communications system doesn’t cost the earth'. First persuade your Head to spend money on something decent when it doesn't save him work, and they do always break down.
The onus should still be on parents to see their, repeat their, children arrive safely at school

Maggiemaybe Wed 31-Jan-18 23:44:03

Strike the not really. smile I’m sure they are better resourced, but a decent electronic registration and communications system doesn’t cost the earth, shouldn’t be brushed aside as an optional extra.

Maggiemaybe Wed 31-Jan-18 23:26:13

Not really. As I said earlier, I worked in a primary school where an automatic texting system kicked in if a child did not arrive at school and no reason had been given. This was linked to an electronic registration system brought in at least ten years ago. Not labour intensive and not expensive, and I know that many schools have similar systems.

maryeliza54 Wed 31-Jan-18 23:01:07

I expect the schools in Dubai and Sweden are somewhat better resourced than the average state primary in this country.

phoenix Wed 31-Jan-18 22:56:36

It seems a sensible notion that schools have contact details for at least 2 people for each child, not necessarily just a landline and mobile number.

Reception in my area is very patchy for mobiles, so if I was out and someone tried the mobile, chances are it would go to voicemail.

Added problem is, that even when I get home I might get an alert that there was a voicemail message, but would have to drive to the village square to be able to hear it, which I might feel that I cba to do, not knowing if it was important or not.

Cold Wed 31-Jan-18 21:04:48

My DDs' Swedish schools went over to electronic registration around 5-10 years ago so that texts/e-mails were sent to both parents of everyone who hadn't arrived at school by the end of registration. A bit annoying when the school bus was delayed in heavy snow but at least both parents knew if they had/had not arrived at school.

Tuppence21 Wed 31-Jan-18 20:34:04

I have a granddaughter in Dubai. There the school has contact nos for both parents, two local contact nos plus at least one relative's contact no. It does not matter if this one is overseas it works on the premise that they may have information or contact nos not available to others or could give instructions on what should be done. Belt and braces? Maybe, but it doesn't matter if the welfare of the child is paramount. I don't think the Mother in this case was blaming anyone she was just raising a valid suggestion at a time which must have been traumatic for all concerned.

palliser65 Wed 31-Jan-18 15:56:05

The mother is taking out her grief and anger and possible feelings of guilt on the school. I do have to say though that there's no wonder teachers are leaving the profession. Parents now expect teachers to be familiy liaison officers/psychiatrists/counsellors/social workers/nurses/nursery nurses and Jeremy Kyle.

trisher Tue 30-Jan-18 17:44:25

My DIL works away for 2 days a week. When she rings home the 5 and 3 year old compete to answer the phone. She first rings house phone then mobile if there is no answer. If neither was answered I'm sure she would be phoning the neighbours. She rings in evening and morning.
The school has my number as third contact

Jalima1108 Tue 30-Jan-18 16:35:47

It hasn't just happened, it was over a year ago.

newnanny Tue 30-Jan-18 16:29:49

She said she rang in morning and no one answered, presumably the children were too afraid to answer it. Maybe she feels guilty she did not ask someone to check on them so is expecting school to do what she didn't do. A terrible shock for her and maybe she will differently in a few days. I do how the children get counselling. Hopefully the 3 year old will forget.

Jalima1108 Tue 30-Jan-18 16:25:47

sorry, above post was replying to ExaltedWombat.

Jalima1108 Tue 30-Jan-18 16:24:37

Seems like the Mum has got off to a bad start.
I think this happened in 2016 and the children were shown during the interview on tv playing happily like two well-adjusted little girls. I am sure they still remember this trauma but mother appears to have done a good job helping them to adjust.

Nelliemoser Tue 30-Jan-18 16:13:36

This is nothing but a rare and tragic event. The schools cannot spend all their time chasing non attending children.

Ilovecheese there is no way the education welfare service has time or recources to invesigate every child who does not turn up in the morning . More regular absences are a different matter and the EWO should look at those.

YES teach your children about "emergencies" and how to ring 999 or otherwise get help.

jura2 Tue 30-Jan-18 16:00:11

Do they send police and break door down?

jura2 Tue 30-Jan-18 15:59:47

So, parents take the kids on holiday abroad- without telling the school- what then?

MissAdventure Tue 30-Jan-18 15:44:18

Schools don't always follow guidelines to contact parents. It's one of those things that looks good on paper, but it doesn't always happen. Not that I'm blaming the school.