I'm glad Sally Challen is out.

Brave sharing of experiences, thank you paddyann, purplepoppies and others, and Mammabear3, welcome to GN, I hope you find comfort and strength to continue to keep away from your abuser and to make a new, better life.

From experience these abusers prey on the vulnerable. Make them feel safe before the abuse begins.
I suffered several years of abuse before I left. I even abused myself because I felt worthless.
Its shitty.
I'm happy shes free. I wish her well

As a woman who has just escaped from a similar situation to Sally (husband visiting prostitutes, emotional abuse including blaming me for ANYTHING that went wrong)
I couldn’t see it. My friends would mention things. I’d be upset by his behaviour. But I’d justify it. “If I was a better wife” “they only know my side of the story - they don’t know what a bitch I am” (those were his words). “I deserve this). He never physically abused me but I was a shell of my former self, tiptoeing around the house, scared to upset the apple cart which meant I did the vast majority of house work (with hubby and 2 teen sons in the house) - if I fell behind he’d get annoyed and tell me he was sick of living in a Sh1t hole.
It took a social worker (who had seen both sides of the story) to ask very gently if I’d heard of emotional abuse. They gave me a number of a charity who have helped me escape (1 week today)!!
To those who can’t understand why women who are abused emotionally or physically don’t just leave. This is why. You begin to believe you are worthless, you are not loveable, that what you are getting IS love, that this is normal, and that’s to start with. Along with the practicalities “where do I go, how do I pay for rent-food etc, what if he finds me” it is just so overwhelming. I’m not ‘free’ yet, it’s only a week and I’ve nearly gone back several times. I’m finding it hard to ‘adult’ on my own. (I married at 20, straight from my parents home), I’m bizarrely finding it hard not being told what to do and when!!! BUT I’m a SURVIVOR of emotional abuse - not a victim.

I am very glad she is free. 9 years in prison is a very long time and I hope she had plenty of sympathy when she was inside.
She has suffered enough. Her sons have behaved wonderfully and she must feel so proud of them.
Good luck Sally.

I used to work with a woman who would often come into work with bruises, she always had excuses - fell down stairs, bumped into a door, once she said a wardrobe had fallen on her! Her partner would give her a set amount of money every day which she had to use to buy groceries and could only use what was left to get herself lunch - I often pretended I had bought too much and gave her some of mine. I tried to get her to talk to me but she never admitted she was being abused, although she did tell me her partner demanded sex every night (I told her that was rape but she wouldn't accept that). She left after about a year and I never heard anything else from her - that was 40 years ago and I still think about her.

As I said in my previous post, a lot of these men are outwardly very charming. I would bet money that he could be so at times , but would then become abusive at the drop of a hat. Quite often they persuade the victim that no-one else would love them, be interested in them etc. It really is very complex. I would also imagine that she has very little experience of relationships as she met him when she was 15.

I think that the trouble with abusive relationships of all kinds is that the victim initially puts the abuser on a pedestal, i.e. father, teacher, partner, and adopts an attitude of respect appropriate to that role. They gloss over that these others have all the same human faults as themselves and allow themselves to be blinded. If they stopped for one minute and imagined that person as their brother or sister or friend, would they put up with that controlling behaviour? Of course not! Try it yourself, it's amazing how your point of view shifts.

A couple of years ago weren't a woman and her daughter shot outside a gym by the husband who had psychologically abused her. The sons had helped their mother and sister to escape. He found where they lived and watched and learned their routine. Waited outside and shot them both.

So it is not easy to leave. It must be an unimaginable situation to be in

It's all part of the complexity of dependent abusive relationships. Those working in the area (police, social workers, psychologist, psychiatrists ) see it all too often

What I kind of don't get and this could be paper talk is how it says she still says she loves him?

I get still living with someone because you feel to weak to addicted to the control, even as far as being sub human and not being able to see a way out But to go through being imprisoned and still say she loves him?? That seems at odds with him being a monster.

Surely time away would make you see him for what he is?

paddynan and others who have shared personal experiences, thank you so much.
Sally C met her husband when she was 15. He was 7 years older, which at that age is a huge difference in both life experience and maturity. I don't think the word 'grooming' is out of place here. She was no doubt bowled over to have attracted the attention of a good looking older man.
It's right she was charged but I'm relieved the charge has been changed to manslaughter and her mental health problems at the time she killed her husband recognised by the Court.
All credit to her sons!

I am so pleased that she is out.

I was married to a wife beater and I finally got away but had to live in hiding for one year. No one can judge until they have been in those circumstances.

Sending her love and hugs and hope she has a fantastic future with her sons.

Sally Channon lost her Father when she was 6, met her H at 15, poor woman would have been terrified of being left alone so probably put up with his abuse etc. She drove to Beachy Head to commit suicide after she killed her H but was "talked down". I'm glad she not going to face a re-trial, she's served 9 years & I hope she can enjoy the rest of her life with her lovely Sons. I suspect she will never completely get over what happened within her marriage & prison sentence. I don't see her as a heroine just a woman pushed over the edge, as for taking the hammer, she may have feared he would attack her, we will never know what was going through her mind.

can I add that my sister came from a family who weren't drinkers and she was a much loved and wanted girl who had been spoiled all her life because she had suffered illness for much of her childhood

My late sister was a woman like Sally,controlled ,abused dependent .She became an alcoholic at a young age when he insisted she matched him drink for drink .Yes ,at the beginning she was madly in love with him and despite my parents and her siblings urging her to leave him she kept going back .She was frightened not just for herself but for her children.She lied and stole from us for him ,she excused his behaviour even when he threatened to throw boiling hot fat over the kids .She died aged 50 .Women like my sister and Sally Challen deserve the rest of us to stop judging them..that hammer would likely never have been used if he hadn't provoked or goaded or threatened her in some way .I believe she took it with here because having it near made her feel safe ,she didn't intend to use it ,but she did AND she has paid the price .I hope she has a lovely life now she is free.

Leaving a man like this probably isn't easy or even an option. Especially if he shows 'stalker' tendencies. That type of man often seems to possess an "if I can't have you then nobody can" frame of mind.

Terrifying.

It's perfectly possible for someone to control someone living in another house. Don't know what went on here, but texting, phoning, emailing with threats etc stalking, following someone, ringing or texting when someone is away or at an event, damaging property that he has access to . He visited prostitutes so put her at risk of STIs. I had all those things for definite and mine recruited people to keep an eye on me and report back to him what I was doing and even was I looking sad this making other people think badly of him. As I did file for divorce a further way he controlled me from afar was by refusing to cooperate with the divorce, draining my resources, abusing me in front of a mediator, replying to things last afternoon possible if he'd been given a deadline so I couldn't contact my solicitor whom he knew worked part time, he did this when I had to set court proceedings in process, so I was still thinking I'd have to do that. He did it with removing his possessions too, at one point coming round just before christmas, so instead of happy preparations I had worry that he would take up all my time as I had to supervise him to make sure he didn't take anything if mine
Unless you've experience of what it's like it's hard to believe
Did any of you see the news yesterday reporting on how domestic abuse leads very often to mental illness, it was true for this poor woman

During the course of my work I have met many women , and not a few men, who have been subjected to abuse my their significant other. The abuse often starts with very small things and with very small 'punishments ', making the victim seem small, telling them that they are unloveable , calling them names, belittling them in public, sometimes the perpetrator goes on to be physically violent, and all of the time the victim is made to feel that they are responsible for making the perpetrator behave badly. I could tell you so many stories of individuals who have suffered appallingly for years before they have screwed up the courage to leave. Sometimes the victim stays because the perpetrator has threatened to kill a beloved pet if the pet can't leave as well. Can you imagine what that must be like? A lot of the perpetrators can be absolutely charming to other people, so no-one believes that they are, behind closed doors, acting like the devil incarnate. I have met men who become violent when the woman is pregnant, it seems that they are even jealous of their own unborn baby. I've even met men who try to turn their children against the woman almost from birth.
There are no easy answers and no winners in this. I could go on much longer but ,truly, I think unless YOU have been in this situation it just can't be understood. I do think that the decision that it was manslaughter rather than murder was right.

And if anyone reading this is experiencing similar issues please get out now. Contact Women's Aid, call the police, tell someone.

thank goodness coercive control is now a criminal offence. Delighted to hear Sally Challoner has been released.

She has served 9 years - time for her to be out without a doubt. Some would argue that she should not have served that time.

The fact that her sons clearly love her and have stood by her and supported her indicates that they were aware of what she had suffered.

Let us hope she can move on with her life now.

Is it possible she took the hammer in case she had to defend herself? Anyhow I am glad she is out. She had 9 years in jail.Good wishes to her in the future.

Just a little aside -

I have read the remark “wish we had an edit button” so many times on lots of threads. You can edit! After typing your comment Preview message then make any alterations necessary and either preview again or if happy with it Post message.

Carry on........

I am so happy this lady is finally free the fact she was ever put behind bars says a lot about the justice system .Emotional abuse never goes away but the fact her two sons stood by her and fought to get her free will give her the courage and hope for the future.

The original conviction was murder because it was deemed to be pre-meditated due to her having taken a hammer with her. The second verdict was manslaughter due to the balance of her mind being disturbed. To me, this was the correct verdict, as Blondenana has bravely shared, it is very difficult to understand unless you have experience of this dreadful situation. A friend of my DD had such a relationship, we could all see what he was like, but she was under his control. It was not until she felt their child was in danger from him that she somehow found the strength to leave him and ask for help. The Police were extremely understanding and helpful and remain a support now. This lady has done her time with dignity and the family need support to put their lives back together, there must be terrible feelings of guilt on the part of her sons that they were unable to 'save' her from him.

blondenana.
Agree
We can comment but only by walking in another's shoes are we in a position to judge.