Who is going to care for all these extra children?

hear hear SueDonim. In many professions too, taking a few years off work means you would find it very very difficult to catch up- and never get to the top of the profession- with women always the ones sacrificing their career.

Lots of parents have to (both) work due to the high cost of rent or mortgages here in the south, so it’s not a choice!
Child care provision is ridiculously expensive! My youngest DD has 1 in nursery 2 days a week and despite the “free” hours which should cover the bill, she has to top up the nursery fees by £100 a month! As a (now) single parent she can’t afford this so it falls to me to make the payment. Another two days a week I provide child care, but this will have to stop next year because I will be returning to work from sick leave! Heaven knows how she will manage then!

I believe I read that in the Scandinavian countries most nurseries are state run and fees are very heavily subsidised. Also nursery staff are highly trained and reasonably paid.

Of course, there is a substantial cost to this, but, in the long run, I would imagine that cost is recouped because there will be far fewer children in sub-standard nurseries, receiving sub-standard care and they will be better prepared, physically, practically and emotionally, for school and life in general. Some of the nurseries I see in my area are in what I consider to be inappropriate buildings and locations - with little natural light and very limited outdoor space.

Children who are behind at the start of their education often fail to catch up and may well become disruptive - and this can carry through to secondary level. With significant numbers of young people leaving school with virtually no meaningful qualifications, something drastic needs to be done. Young people who lack basic skills are more likely to spend their lives in low paid, insecure jobs, and so the circle of deprivation continues with their own children.

The Sure Start scheme worked very well but has been torn apart during the last ten years. At least that was something which helped parents who needed extra support with issues like nutrition, interactive and independent play, how to set sensible boundaries and how to enforce them in a calm but firm and effective way.

Not all mothers do need to work, and not all do. But I think with costs of housing in particular being very much higher than in the 70's, usually two incomes are needed. Aside from that, I think it is important that women have, if a relationship breaks up, a job that pays well and has prospects for advancement - ie a career rather than just working for pin money. Many young women have degrees and naturally wish to make use of them.

When DD1 went back to work when GS was 8 months- it almost cost them money as childcare was so expensive. But they worked out that in the long-term- she would more than make up for it. When GD went to nursery, she had already caught up- but still a large % of her salary was going into childcare. And it paid off - kids happy and doing really well at secondary school, and DD1 at the top of her profession, with very few women at her level.

We should invest in high quality early years support for families. All the research evidence confirms children and their families benefit. Countries who do invest (the Scandi ones) have fewer teenage pregnancies, or other so called social problems.
My four young grandchildren are all in either pre school, or nursery 2 or 3 days a week. The cost is astronomical but their parents both want to and financially need to work.
I\ve yet to have anyone explain to me why its 'the mother' who should remain at home with the children, whilst 'the father' works.

poor wee things.

This is so obviously touting for votes from young women, pathetic really.

Free childcare should only be for those mothers who have no choice but to work.

When I married I made the choice of staying at home and being a wife and mother. Why do so many women have babies and pay someone else to bring them up?

I understand why many women can't stand being stuck in the house all day...others work because they want the material things it brings them.

So why have babies? Caring for your baby is extremely satisfying. If you don't want to care for them, why have them?

because the Mother is better at looking after her offspring?

( to I am)

come on grapefruit - why should it be? Nonsense.

Please define 'better at looking after...'. . Caring for a baby is hardly rocket science. Most competent people can manage it.

I'm actually quite shocked at the judgmental attitudes towards women on this thread. I thought Gransnetters were better than that.

What are women supposed to do when they have a family? Why can't they do same as the fathers, combine work and family? No doubt all those complaining about working mothers will also be complaining in the future if my student-medic daughter decides to have children and goes part time with her work.

SueDonim, reading some of the comments on this thread, and others like it, the answer to your question about what women are supposed to do when the have a family is simples. They stop work, give up anything other than looking after their children and of course, their 'husbands'. Easy init.

Agreed- and yet. Few women doctors become Consultants- as their choice to work part-time (and it is a valid choice of course) means they will never make it to the 'top of' profession. Same for teachers, and so many other professions. If we think it is good for society to have women in 'top' positions to influence our society- then part-time is generally not the way. Very difficult to be Senior anything when part-time- or returning from years of part-time.

I am very, very glad that I was able to look after my own children. I realise it’s occasionally a necessity to hand them over to someone else, but to me it seems quite unnatural. I really enjoyed caring for mine. There were lots of stay-at-home mothers then (1970s) so we were not bored or lonely, and anyway, I liked talking to the children.

I also think it's unfair to expect grandparents to take on the job. I wouldn’t have dreamt of asking my parents to look after my children, other than occasional babysitting. It wasn't their job; it was mine and my husband’s. Why don’t parents think that any more?

Long story short..... I couldn't look after my babies and Dad stepped in.Thank God, we got through. I do believe Mum is best and home is best and we are doing tiny children a dis service by putting the in care for 10 hour days.

Only in the UK

I never stopped work, we just cobbled something together as best we could and no Grandma either.

I have never been convinced that all the mothers who work really need to financially.

No, some of them have brains and want to use them, or would like financial independence, the same as fathers who go out to work.

All I know is when I had my children I wanted to bring them up myself with my values. There is no way I would have farmed my children out to some childminder or nursery.

We weren’t wealthy as we had more than one mortgage then but it was our decision to raise our own children and we managed.

As someone else said why have children then farm them out to someone else?

My DM was a single parent, (widow) who had a choice back in the 1950s to stay home and live on her widow's pension and charity to help buy any extras. She had no family to help.
The other choice was to get a job and put my baby brother into a state day nursery with me and DS going to school and going to neighbours after school. It was very piecemeal and I remember lying sick on a strange neighbour's couch on more than one occasion.

She chose to work and we survived and were proud of our mum.
I like to think life nowadays isn't so hard for single parents or people who have to have 2 incomes to survive.

Good on the Scandis for investing in their young people.

Yes, that was your decision, and nobody is suggesting that you should have done otherwise.

It's not for everyone, though, and it depends on what your values are. Parents who want their children to value independence, making a contribution to society and financial equality are more likely to go out to work.

Children are not animals - they don't get 'farmed out'. As others have said, good childcare teaches a lot of things that can't be learned in the home.

The thread is about childcare, which, by definition, is for women who do work, so it is difficult not to see your use (twice) of that word as a deliberate attempt to be unkind to women who chose to work.

As there is so much evidence that children thrive when being looked after by qualified, caring staff or loving grandparents, however, I hope that it will fall on deaf ears.

Sorry, Grammaretto, that was to JenniferEccles.

DoodleDog, why do you suggest someone bringing up children isn’t using their brains? I have two degrees (good ones) and I never felt I was wasting my brains. Looking after children is a lot more than changing nappies and feeding them. It’s talking to them and educating them about many aspects of the world, nature and literature. It’s very odd that it’s considered a job if a nanny does it, but not if a parent does it, Both my children could read before they started school. Our days were so relaxed and happy. We walked to and from playgroup and school, taking our time. I see the way my grandchildren are rushed about in cars and the endless hassle if someone supposed to be caring for them is ill or unable to come, and I feel it’s all a bit unstable. I know children from decent families turn out all right however they’re brought up, but they miss so much.

No, it is a choice- but needs to be a genuine choice- not an expectation of the mother. For all sorts of reasons, I was at home until they both went to school, and I went to Uni. I had to support OH in his Junior years, working amazingly long hours, nights and week-ends too- and be a glorified, free, receptionist too. It was not because he was the man, and I the woman- it was as it was. When the time came- he supported me 100% in my choice to go to Uni as mature student. When I was told, by a woman lecturer who interviewed me for the course 'hasn't your husband got enough on his plate without his wife wanting to go into full time study' - he was even more up in arms about it than I was.

Many little ones grow up watching TV 24/7, with little socialisation and or 'education'.

Well said Grandma70s

I've asked my own children whether they think they missed out on anything and they don't think they did.

One thing I hated was the judgmental bats at the school gate whenever I did take my children to school.