The owner of a care home group paid himself at least £21m in the last 5 years. He holds 100% of the share capital and in addition paid himself £18.6m in dividends.

I have no doubt of that volver. I would never tell my child of that reason, simply that I was going to need a level of care which I could not accept from anyone - not even my husband.

Care Home fees...

As an only child, I was in line for all the money that my DF spent on care home fees. I would rather have no inheritance at all than have had him try to exist outside of a care home. Or worse still, to think that he "checked out early" so that I could have a new kitchen.

I keep thinking up different scenarios, now.
None sounds at all appealing.

If it meant having to be washed and dressed by someone else, yes I would MissA.

I couldn’t bear to pay care home fees either. I would rather my family had the money than it being wasted on me while I mouldered away.

Would people forego an operation that would mean needing help with personal care for a few weeks then?

That's different Blondiescot, to saying you'd rather die than go in a care home.

We're currently in the process of looking for care homes for my very elderly inlaws. There are good ones out there - they want to go into our local one (which is where my mother stayed for several years, and received excellent care), but that may not be possible if they don't have vacancies. My husband, having to go through this process, is adamant that he will, in his words 'check out' before he gets to the stage where he is no longer independent and needs personal care.

Yes, that's why people go into care homes.

For a variety of reasons.

But many do. One uncle was self maintaining through out hos six years in a care home, he didn't have dementia, he was in care for other reasons.

On the other hand an uncle and aunt with severe dementia did need complete care in the last year or so of their lives. They wer incapable of doing anything for themselves and had to be fed by spoon

Quite a lot of people in their own homes of all ages require help with personal care too.

Yes, but quite a lot of people in homes don't require intimate care.

(I'm not stalking you GSM )

There were people in the care home I mentioned above who were in their sixties. They were perfectly able to wash and dress themselves and feed themselves too.

Some of them were just a bit confused by life, but they weren't ready for death yet. I'm amazed that there is still such a lot of misconceptions about what care homes do.

You are not independent if you rely on someone to perform intimate care.

Again, a good home will not wash and dress you.
They will assist you to maintain a level of hygiene that is acceptable to you.

A good home should recognise peoples independence and work with them to maintain it.

There is no real reason why not. (Apart from the fact that it is a workplace, to the staff)

You’re not alone there. I couldn’t bear to have to be washed and dressed by anyone. Death is infinitely preferable.

biglouis

I once had a market research telephone job and one survey was aimed at those of 50 and over. A question asked was about their greatest fear. Top of the list were "loss of partner" and "loss of health". Third on the list was "losing my independence" which is what happens when you go into a care home, no matter how "nice" it is. I dont have a partner but I would prefer to be dead rather than lose my independence.

We'll have to agree to differ then.

"losing my independence" which is what happens when you go into a care home

Wrong. You should visit some good ones.

People generally end up in care settings because they have already lost their independence or need support to be independent.

I once had a market research telephone job and one survey was aimed at those of 50 and over. A question asked was about their greatest fear. Top of the list were "loss of partner" and "loss of health". Third on the list was "losing my independence" which is what happens when you go into a care home, no matter how "nice" it is. I dont have a partner but I would prefer to be dead rather than lose my independence.

That is true Luckygirl13 and as you will know, we have a lack of social workers and a slow and overstretched local authority trying to ensure people's needs are met properly and legally. It isn't fair on anyone

I worked as a social worker when care homes were run by the LA. They were properly staffed, had proper pay, and professional development courses, people running them who had appropriate qualifications proper staff supervision.

The world changed when the government started selling them off to be run as private businesses. It was all downhill from then on. We now have a ragbag of provision with no accountability.

volver

I get a bit upset when people say they'd rather die than go into a care home.

My DF spent his last weeks in a care home. I'm sure some of you would say that is was a bit scruffy, not the same as the fancy one up the road. And it is run by a private company. But the staff and the management were amazing. They sat up with him all night, they made sure he felt secure, they cried when his time was coming and one of them came to his funeral.

Count yourself lucky if there is a care home that you can go into, or if your family have the resources to look after you at home. You don't know how lucky you are.

We had a similar experience with my step-father who had vascular dementia.

Mum and I looked at several swish care homes but they just didn’t feel right. When we looked at the home he went into it did look a bit in need of a coat of paint however, the staff mainly Caribbean and Eastern European were so kind and caring we chose it over swish facilities

There are many good care homes out there, even the chain this guy owns has one near here which was very good when a friends father was in it several years ago.

I get a bit upset when people say they'd rather die than go into a care home.

My DF spent his last weeks in a care home. I'm sure some of you would say that is was a bit scruffy, not the same as the fancy one up the road. And it is run by a private company. But the staff and the management were amazing. They sat up with him all night, they made sure he felt secure, they cried when his time was coming and one of them came to his funeral.

Count yourself lucky if there is a care home that you can go into, or if your family have the resources to look after you at home. You don't know how lucky you are.

biglouis

I would kill myself rather than go into one of those horrendous places.

Same here, and my adult offspring all know this. I worked in many different care and nursing homes in my 30s and saw too many horrors, and care was a very different business in those days. Now it’s an even more sordid focus on profit, profit and profit, preying on the emotions of families who are over a barrel once the resident is in the clutches of the business. There is no shame in choosing to die in preference.