Being in trouble with daughter!

It does sound uncaring of your DD.There was nothing wrong in being honest with your DGS either.
Did you tell your DD immediately about your stroke at the time?
Let your calls go to voicemail until you want to discuss it with her.

MawtheMerrier

He’s 18 and a half for heavens sake! Not a child!

What a selfish and unkind response from daughter.

Quite!
Get well soon

Get well soon, Cleeves.

Cleevese, perhaps your daughter has been truly frightened by your stroke - and reacted badly due to that.

Scared people often give an angry 'It's your own own fault!' or 'You're overreacting/exaggerating!' reaction (an attempted denial that people sometimes have strokes, to protect herself - and son).

Another example: The Natascha Kampusch case (abducted for eight years). Neighbours reacted with anger, accusing her poor mother of murder. They simply didn't want to recognise/accept the fact that children could be taken on their way to school.

Yes!
We had been expecting to meet up.

DH was seriously ill last summer followed by major surgery.
Both GDs, 13 & 17 were told after a few days what was going on and handled it well as we expected they would, at a time 17yr old was studying for A levels. Along with both DDs they were a wonderful support to us both.

How cruel of your DD to be so nasty at a time when she should be supporting you. Of course an 18 1/2 year old should have been told. Was he supposed to be left wondering why he wasn’t seeing Granny?

Hope you make a speedy recovery Cleaves

Not all 18 year olds are "men" we still expect them to be in education at 18 now. He may be suffering stress and anxiety too with exams coming fast or have other mental health issues right now like depression.

There isn't any magic that happens when a person turns 18 that suddenly means they can handle anything that is thrown at them.

Daughter completely mishandled this but I think that relationship needs looking at and some thought put into why this mother daughter relationship is not as loving as it should be and where it went wrong

Good Grief! What an uncaring attitude from you daughter. My 2 children, then aged 12 and 16 dealt with the death of their grandfather whilst one of them was in the middle his GCSEs.
He coped, its part of life.
Five years later they faced months of visiting their terminally ill granny in hospital with my son coming back from uni to say goodbye.
It was upsetting but they dealt with it.
Get well soon and try not to get too stressed by your daughter's remarks. 💐

Violet - and the OP may well be living with the anxiety and depression caused by the stroke. Strokes are life threatening. The mother- daughter relationship may have its difficulties but there are times when adult children are old enough to act responsibly. What kind of example is being set here by the mother towards her 18 year old son.

What a horrible, selfish woman your daughter is. Does she have form for this? Sounds like she wants to baby her son forever, but sadly we cannot shield them from the harsh realities that life can throw at us. I was only 13 when my beloved grandfather died at the ripe of, age of 93, but I wasn’t shielded from it and coped!

I too would not want to speak to my daughter directly at the moment. Wait until you feel stronger. A TIA and a stroke are both serious matters and you need to rest. Take care

Cleevese The doctors only thought I might have had a TIA about a month ago. (it wasn't) and I was told not to drive for a month. It is standard practice.

Your daughter is wrong to say that you are not banned if you have a TIA. You are, even if they just have a TIA on their list of possible causes and it is later eliminated. My GP imposed the ban as soon as I saw her and the hospital reiterated it. Even though there was some doubt about the cause of the minor seizure.

At 19.5 years old your grandson should be more than capable of dealing with information like that you gave him. My two children dealt with the sudden death of a much loved aunt when they were 17 and 19, and while it was a desperate time for the family, neither let it affect their public exams 2 months later.

I am sorry to hear that your daughter seems so uncaring, when you could do with support, especially when you are not allowed to drive.
However, you must check with your GP, before you drive again.

This is from the DVLA website. You could perhaps mention this to your daughter.
You must stop driving for at least 1 month after a transient ischaemic attack (TIA) or mini-stroke. This includes amaurosis fugax or retinal artery fugax.

You can restart only when your doctor tells you it is safe.

TBH I thought one was barred from driving for 6 months after a stroke - assuming no other disability had resulted from it. Don’t you also need an eye retest?
But whether a TIA or a minor stroke OP deserves sympathy not recriminations

Are there any special circumstances that your gs has or going through?

Your daughter's reaction, on the outside, looks uncaring

What other factors are there that colour the mother- daughter relationship?

There has to be more

Is this the first time she acts like this?

I did read this correctly, didn't I?
Your grandson is eighteen and a half and you must not tell him have had a stroke?
Ye gods.

MawtheMerrier

TBH I thought one was barred from driving for 6 months after a stroke - assuming no other disability had resulted from it. Don’t you also need an eye retest?
But whether a TIA or a minor stroke OP deserves sympathy not recriminations

When I had my first heart attack, the consultant told me I did not need to inform the DVLA, but if it had been a stroke, I would have had to inform them.

If there was a reason for your D not wanting you to tell your GS then she should have said so, asked you not too, and talked to him herself Cleevese.

Worrying about a conversation with her is not going to aid your recovery. If you do decide to answer and she's unpleasant, end the call immediately.

Best wishes for your recovery.

My months driving ban was not withdrawn even when it became clear that I hadn't had a stroke.

The medics and DVLA are understandably cautious about driving after incidents where consciousness was lost

If she talks calmly listen to her then give your reasons for telling.18 is old enough to understand.
Only you know all your family dynamics and I would calmly tell her why you did it. Tell her she is not helping with your recovery and put the phone down.
On the facts we know she sounds more immature than her 18-year-old.

What if your daughter ended up in a similar situation what would she do , not tell her 18 year old son what’s happened ?
How ridiculous your daughters way of thinking is .
Your grandson is well old enough to know what’s happening in the world , in Ukraine boys their age are fighting on the front lines . What does your daughter want , to wrap him up in cotton wool ? For goodness sake , tell your daughter to get a grip !
You keep resting until your well enough to get on with things .💐

Heaven help your daughter when her son - an adult by most definitions - decides to kick over the traces! Or cut the apron strings. Whatever metaphor you choose!

Op , You asked I think, how to respond to your daughter when she called.
I would immediatly congratulate her. Saying she had done good job.
Her son is a kind and caring, very Mature young Man.
And also point out that it was he, who had called you.
Expain that you are following hospital/orders regarding your health and that you must keep stress levels down.
If you need to cut phone call short, say sorry, but your alarm has just gone off your medication.

Tia are not only unpleasant, but also a warning of a possible full blown stroke in the future.

Good luck

I too agree with Maw.