New search for little Maddie

I've never left my children alone at night like they did but I am pretty sure they are absolutely aware of how devastating that decision has been for all of them as a family, let alone their daughter.

Firstly Madeleine was not a woman, she was a tiny child.
Secondly I find it distasteful to bring racism into this. It’s got nothing to do with racism. Children who are not white are searched for just as diligently as white children, blonde or otherwise.
This is not about women, it’s not about skin colour.
It’s about a missing child, and that’s all there is to it.

Nobody has suggested that a self catering holiday in the UK is morally superior to a holiday in Portugal. That’s ridiculous. The point is that you don’t leave your children alone in order to enjoy a nice grown up evening meal. You stay with them. That’s putting your children’s welfare above your own interests. It’s not being sanctimonious. It’s being a good, unselfish and responsible parent. Something all children deserve.

Who inferred that a UK self-catering holiday was 'morally superior' to taking your children to Portugal? There have been posters on here who admitted to leaving their children in their chalets at Butlins, for instance? I don't think anyone actually accused the McCanns of 'deserving' to have a child abducted either (if that is what actually happened - we don't know that was the case). However, it remains a fact that it would not have happened at all if the McCanns had not made what you describe as an 'error of judgement' in choosing to go out eating and drinking with their friends and leave their three very young children alone in the apartment.

Let's not forget that in the last 16 years there have been many children gone missing, not all of them winsome blonde blue-eyed ones with articulate middle-class parents, like Maddy, who haven't had a fraction of the publicity, time or resources devoted to finding them.

This is not just me. This is a recognised phenomenon, it's called Missing White Woman Syndrome.

Galaxy

Its safeguarding casdon. I dont think it's at all helpful to point any fingers at the McCanns. I also dont think its helpful in general to pretend that leaving very young children alone is a good plan.
I have done many things with regard to my children that werent ideal but pretending that those things were ok is not honest.
It's not ok to leave very young children alone, it's not ok to not put a seatbelt on children, it's not ok to not get medical treatment when needed. All examples of safeguarding issues with regard to children.

I agree with you Galaxy, I don’t condone leaving young children alone, and I didn’t with mine. What is sanctimonious is the implication that the McCanns are less deserving in some way because they made that error of judgement, and the implication that a self catering holiday in the UK is somehow morally superior to the choice they made of taking their children to Portugal is just wrong. I’m sure they love their children just as much as any other parent, and to be honest I find this thread really offensive for that reason.

Have it your way. We won’t agree. Perhaps a self catering bucket and spade holiday in the UK doesn’t appeal to many parents.

Galaxy

Its safeguarding casdon. I dont think it's at all helpful to point any fingers at the McCanns. I also dont think its helpful in general to pretend that leaving very young children alone is a good plan.
I have done many things with regard to my children that werent ideal but pretending that those things were ok is not honest.
It's not ok to leave very young children alone, it's not ok to not put a seatbelt on children, it's not ok to not get medical treatment when needed. All examples of safeguarding issues with regard to children.

Indeed

Its safeguarding casdon. I dont think it's at all helpful to point any fingers at the McCanns. I also dont think its helpful in general to pretend that leaving very young children alone is a good plan.
I have done many things with regard to my children that werent ideal but pretending that those things were ok is not honest.
It's not ok to leave very young children alone, it's not ok to not put a seatbelt on children, it's not ok to not get medical treatment when needed. All examples of safeguarding issues with regard to children.

Germanshepherdsmum

It’s not sanctimonious Casdon. It’s saying what people who put their children’s interests before their own do. As all parents should.

Nope. It’s sanctimonious.

It’s not sanctimonious Casdon. It’s saying what people who put their children’s interests before their own do. As all parents should.

The criticism of, and sympathy for the McCanns, and “I’d never do that” comments have been going on on GN since 2016 if not earlier.
NanaDana @ 17:32 put it really well.

What gets me about this thread is the amount of virtue signalling, and worse, the implication that people who left their children are ‘lesser’ and therefore somehow deserve for their child to be stolen from its bed in a locked apartment in the night. It is sanctimonious, there’s no doubt about it.

CatsCatsCats

Blondiescot

If the 'poor parents' hadn't left her and her siblings alone in the first place while they were out enjoying themselves, it would never have happened in the first place. Sorry, but it infuriates me that millions have been spent on the 'campaign' to find Maddie, while there are hundreds of children who go missing every year. Who is fighting to bring peace to their families?

I loathe this 'blame the parents' attitude. There is one person to blame here - and that is the one that abducted Madeleine McCann (or the two of them in the James Bulger case).

Maybe she wasn't abducted. Maybe she woke and tried to find her parents and had an accident.

Either way, if her parents hadn't left what amounts to three babies alone, she wouldn't be missing now.

Having said that, they're paying a heavy price for making that decision.

Magsymoo, Doodledog, and TerriBull very good posts from you all, showing empathy and a true understanding of the nature of human frailty.

I’m ashamed to admit that we left our baby a couple of times when he was about a year old. We went next door for a couple of hours, with one of us going back into the house every thirty minutes. The house was closed up, no one could get in, and the baby was in a cot and unable to get out. I felt guilty at the time, and after doing it twice I said no, our neighbours must come to us, we will not go there. I was uncomfortable about it and still feel guilty about it all these years later. We never left him or his siblings again. I feel full of regret that we did this and indeed ashamed, and it’s over forty years ago.

Because we are human, and imperfect, we make mistakes. Sometimes these mistakes don’t lead to anything bad happening, but sometimes they do. I sometimes think of the McCanns and the regret and guilt they must feel. I think they will blame themselves, they don’t need others to condemn them. I also think about them being there with three other families who were all leaving their children in those apartments. The pressure to conform must have been huge because they all did it. Of course it’s easy to be wise after the event. I’ll take a bet that no one leaves their children now.

Germanshepherdsmum

So anyone who criticises what the McCanns did - not just once - and says they have never left their children is ‘sanctimonious’? They did not make a mistake. We have all made mistakes and know the difference between making a mistake and putting your own enjoyment above your children’s well being. There is no nasty speculation or malicious gossip here - just a rehearsal of the facts and various poster’s’ recollections of what they have, or have not, done in the past.

Indeed.

The note difference is between making a mistake and putting your own enjoyment above your children’s well being.

CatsCatsCats

Blondiescot

If the 'poor parents' hadn't left her and her siblings alone in the first place while they were out enjoying themselves, it would never have happened in the first place. Sorry, but it infuriates me that millions have been spent on the 'campaign' to find Maddie, while there are hundreds of children who go missing every year. Who is fighting to bring peace to their families?

I loathe this 'blame the parents' attitude. There is one person to blame here - and that is the one that abducted Madeleine McCann (or the two of them in the James Bulger case).

This alleged abductor would not have been able to do anything had the parents been there with their children in the first place!

Who would not have had the opportunity had they been there.

Blondiescot

If the 'poor parents' hadn't left her and her siblings alone in the first place while they were out enjoying themselves, it would never have happened in the first place. Sorry, but it infuriates me that millions have been spent on the 'campaign' to find Maddie, while there are hundreds of children who go missing every year. Who is fighting to bring peace to their families?

I loathe this 'blame the parents' attitude. There is one person to blame here - and that is the one that abducted Madeleine McCann (or the two of them in the James Bulger case).

BlueBelle

Blondiscot and others ..horribly judgemental posts maybe you’re quite young or maybe you’re always stayed in posh places but certainly places like Butlins in the 60 s and 70 s had a listening service where parents went off to the shows and red coats would be on duty to listen for any crying and alert the parents
I didn’t do that but I do remember running to the shop (very close by) and leaving mine asleep

Growing up you would always see young kids sitting alone outside pubs with a lemonade and packet of crisps while mum and dad were inside having a pint
In the 40 s 50 s babies were left in their prams outside shops of course unheard of today
the McCanns have paid a huge price and I feel very sorry for them

Who's making judgements now? I'm neither young nor did I stay in 'posh' places. In fact, we couldn't afford to go to the likes of Butlins when I was a child - holidays were spent with family members. I've already pointed out that, while I was far from being a perfect parent, I never once left my children alone when we were on holiday. We holidayed in the UK when they were very young, either in caravans or self-catering chalet type places, but we didn't go out drinking. Once they were in their beds, we stayed with him. Same applied once we started to take them on foreign holidays. It would never have occurred to us to leave them on their own so we could go out eating and drinking. Why? Because we put their needs and their safety above our own 'entertainment'.

I hope they find her. The parents have suffered enough.

I’m 72, not ‘quite young’. My holidays with my child were self-catering, in the UK, not posh. We were always together. You choose your type of holiday. Mine were chosen with the child in mind. They never involved evening entertainment. The price of choosing to have and look after a child perhaps. Children grow up and you can have the holidays of your choice then.
I didn’t grow up in an area where children were left outside pubs but the fact that something happened then doesn’t make it acceptable now.

Magsymoo

There are some very sanctimonious people on here passing judgement on people they don’t know who have suffered unimaginable pain and loss. They made a mistake, I’ve made many mistakes over the years and sometimes I’ve paid the price and other times I’ve been lucky. I hope they find what they are looking for and the story can be put to rest ending all this nasty speculation and malicious gossip. This is not an example of Gransnet at its best.

Well said, Magsymoo. I do wonder how many times a day, every day, the McCann's tear themselves to pieces with constant "if onlys". Yes, it was wrong to leave those 3 children unattended, but they don't need anyone else to heap blame on them, as its additional weight can only ever be a tiny fraction of the blame they must constantly heap upon themselves. They are still living a nightmare, and will pay the price of their actions for the rest of their lives. I pity them, and feel no need to add further recrimination to their already extreme suffering. We are all flawed. Some are lucky enough to demonstrate that and to then emerge unscathed. Others are not.

Boz

Yes. We have all done this; especially on holiday.
A mistake was made, I feel, in not locking the door of the apartment. There is a theory that Maddy woke up and trotted off to get her parents and was picked up by a car driven by a cruising abductor.
Nasty to blame parents.

What did I just read? We have all done this.”

You speak for yourself. We never, ever did this whether we were in tents, caravans, villas or cottages ….. never!

Those children were all so tiny. Never mind the danger of abduction, they could have choked on vomit, fell on the tiled floor and broken a leg, woken up with nobody there and screamed and screamed.

Blondiscot and others ..horribly judgemental posts maybe you’re quite young or maybe you’re always stayed in posh places but certainly places like Butlins in the 60 s and 70 s had a listening service where parents went off to the shows and red coats would be on duty to listen for any crying and alert the parents
I didn’t do that but I do remember running to the shop (very close by) and leaving mine asleep

Growing up you would always see young kids sitting alone outside pubs with a lemonade and packet of crisps while mum and dad were inside having a pint
In the 40 s 50 s babies were left in their prams outside shops of course unheard of today
the McCanns have paid a huge price and I feel very sorry for them