‘Police treat classroom jibes as hate incidents’.

Cumbrianmale56

Kids can be nasty and will single out kids who look different, are no good at sports, have an interest that isn't popular or who they consider is easy to pick on. Sometimes, though, the bullies themselves come from a home where their father is aggressive, the kid has an image to live up to and can be victims themselves. I can remember a kid at school who bullied for a while and it turned out his dad was some kind of hard caser who wanted the son to be same. The son changed when he got to 15 and realised what he was doing was wrong.

Whatever a child's home background is like, it must be made absolutely clear that bullying is never acceptable in a school. It's unacceptable for anybody to make excuses.

Ilovedogs22

theworriedwell

As one of mine was so badly bullied she wanted to die I don't have much sympathy for bullies. I hope the police put the fear of God in them.

Hear, hear theworriedwell, one of my boys was bullied constantly by a nasty little scrotum & the teachers/pastoral care lot did nothing! Anything that stops bullying in the bud must be implemented! Its heartbreaking to see the affects of bullying upon one's children & it causes so many long-lasting psychological problems for the poor, blameless victim.😔

I don't think people who haven't been affected realise about the long term effects. I try to remember it is ignorance rather than malice but I do hate all the apologising for the poor bullies.

I hope your son is doing OK.

theworriedwell

As one of mine was so badly bullied she wanted to die I don't have much sympathy for bullies. I hope the police put the fear of God in them.

Hear, hear theworriedwell, one of my boys was bullied constantly by a nasty little scrotum & the teachers/pastoral care lot did nothing! Anything that stops bullying in the bud must be implemented! Its heartbreaking to see the affects of bullying upon one's children & it causes so many long-lasting psychological problems for the poor, blameless victim.😔

Kids can be nasty and will single out kids who look different, are no good at sports, have an interest that isn't popular or who they consider is easy to pick on. Sometimes, though, the bullies themselves come from a home where their father is aggressive, the kid has an image to live up to and can be victims themselves. I can remember a kid at school who bullied for a while and it turned out his dad was some kind of hard caser who wanted the son to be same. The son changed when he got to 15 and realised what he was doing was wrong.

Read back you have said about problems on both sides and why children get picked on. Disgusting attitude reminds me of my GS being hurt by a boy and the Head saying we're you annoying him. No wonder bullying going on when adults excuse the bullies.

On a thread about bullying I'm talking about bullying how amazing is that. Maybe you need to let your years of experience go. Personally I will stand up for any child being bullied and in my 60s I intervened when a gang of kids of about 14 were picking in another child. No one should walk past.

I do not believe I have said the victim is to blame in every single case. You know the situation with your daughter; I do not. It has been resolved, apparently years ago, but you seem unable to let it go.

So are you saying the victim is also responsible in every case? If so your years of experience are wrong and you must not victim blame. In my child's case her teacher was one of the don t blame the bully brigade but when she was off sick for a term the supply teacher was very clear who was to blame and it stopped while she was there.

It is a comment drawn from my years of experience dealing with both sides of incidents of classroom bullying.

Context geography is important. As a bullied child those fears (perhaps irrational now) still remain. The police in many counties visit schools as outreach, a fun day to mess about with helmets, radios and truncheons. But they do carry a message, do something wrong and this is what awaits. The child has to be heard and certain things are clearly wrong if done with malice rather than a turn of phrase. Seagulls and roof rack were two phrases persistently used by the kids at our school for I think the police should definitely have been called. The rhyming slang tells it all.

Eazybee is that a dig at my child? I do hope not. She had no problems at home or anywhere away from these bullies. We got an apology from the Head, in his words We (the school)let her down.

It is right that police work includes community policing, such that the presence in the classroom of a uniformed police man or woman demonstrates to children that the community is serious about bullying being against the law.

Children of nine are too young to understand arguments about morality ,and need the authority of the whole community to combat evil influences coming from popular media.

Some parents find it very hard to accept that their child possibly does have problems, may not be not happy, is not entirely blameless. They do not realise how much teachers know from seeing a child in context with other children, observing their relationships with others, and what they reveal about their home situation.

And very often you can have all the bullying policies you like on paper, but the issues can come out of nowhere and be subtly different. I would like to see each serious case dealt with individually, as quickly as possible. I think police involvement should be low.

I knew there was trouble ahead when a teacher called Mrs Condon phoned me...

In my DDs case the boys in her class were wonderful and the only support she got at school. I love and admire those boys.

If the school has really tried hard to combat in school bullying then depending on the outcome they could suspend the bully.
If it escalates then involve the police if it’s appropriate.
If a child is different in any way they can easily become a target.
What I don’t understand, is when boys become bullies to a girl.

Every murderous psychopath was a child once.

growstuff

escaped

I'm sorry to hear that theworriedwell. Sometimes teachers, and Heads, know what is going on, but they think that the bullied child is coping with it. That's not right. In your DD's case it should have been addressed straightaway.

But what can schools actually do with a persistent bully with parents who won't support the school? The chances are that bullying continues outside school.

Well maybe they could involve the police? That might be an idea. It can be a kindness in the long run. Just imagine if those two girls had actually killed my DD. Obviously my child's life is gone, my life is ruined but what about the two girls involved? Was it a kindness to let this go on so that they could potentially ruin their own lives, years in an institution and then a criminal record for life? Or would it be a kindness to correct them and if the parents/school can't or won't do it then the police seem like a good choice.

escaped

The mildest teacher I knew was brilliant at talking to the naughty children. They never raised their voice, though the children knew they were capable of doing so. Coming down hard isn't always the way forward.
This member of staff went on to work alongside one of the Jamie Bulger murderers in their rehabilitation.

That was obviously an exceptional individual. Most teachers aren't exceptional.

PS. Have you actually been a teacher yourself? If so, which age group?

escaped

I'm sorry to hear that theworriedwell. Sometimes teachers, and Heads, know what is going on, but they think that the bullied child is coping with it. That's not right. In your DD's case it should have been addressed straightaway.

But what can schools actually do with a persistent bully with parents who won't support the school? The chances are that bullying continues outside school.

I'm sorry to hear that theworriedwell. Sometimes teachers, and Heads, know what is going on, but they think that the bullied child is coping with it. That's not right. In your DD's case it should have been addressed straightaway.

There has been a change in parents' attitudes to their children's behaviour since I was a child. When I was at junior school in the fifties, if a teacher told us off our parents usually accepted that we had done something to earn the reprimand from school.

Nowadays (and it has been like this for a while) parents invariably believe whatever their child tells them and immediately rush off to the school to complain. here is no doubt that some children will lie to their parents. I remember one day whilst I was in my garden a stone went through the first floor window of the house next door. It can only have come from the garden at the back of that house. I told the occupants of the flat and they went to speak to the parents. I then had a visit from the father, with his son, who told me that his son denied throwing the stone. My response was "well he would, wouldn't he".

Can any of us deny having uttered the occasional white lie, or blaming someone or something (dog or cat) else?

escaped

Oops I missed page 2 here somehow.
How old was your daughter theworriedwell?

Started just before her 9th birthday and went on till she was 11. Fortunately her secondary school stopped it very quickly, the primary school were worse than useless. Particularly the incident when she was attacked in what could have been a serious incident with death as a possibility. Her teacher, who knew the history well, watched it happen and she said she thought they were just playing but a parent witnessed it and intervened. The teacher cried when we had a meeting with the Head about it. They couldn't keep pretending it wasn't happening and the Head apologised. Bit late as they were leaving primary school the following week.

All we heard for over two and a half years was, "you have to understand these girls have problems." "you have to see these girls are unhappy."

Oops I missed page 2 here somehow.
How old was your daughter theworriedwell?

eazybee

Police should not be called into Primary schools to deal with bullying unless it involves threats of physical violence. I recall the police being involved only once when a difficult boy concealed a knife at school and threatened to use it on another child. His bag was searched in front of him, a kitchen knife was found, his father was called, and his response was that the Deputy Head had planted it. The community police officer arrived, and offered to escort the boy to the police station to have his fingerprints taken. The father retracted his accusation but continued to obstruct the school. The son was later arrested while attempting to break into a post office.

Part of the trouble when dealing with bullying is that both the accused and the accusers frequently have problems at home, often involving family conflicts, both perpetrators and victims sensing unhappiness in the other and a chance to take their unhappiness out on someone else.

Ah .yes victim blaming, always a useful one. My DD had no problems at home, she was a happy outgoing child although the bullies soon changed that