No fuss funerals

My son and I went to see my H in the mortuary, it was horrendous and very upsetting.

Funeral directors get away with lying via semantics.

If a person walks in and says they want the most basic/cheapest funeral possible, well direct disposal isnt a "funeral" so technically they didnt ask for that even though its clear thst thats what they want!

Thats good so long as you knew your options ann

Im on a mission to make sure people do after my relative who wanted a no funeral was miss sold a minimal one

My dad had a direct cremation. This was mainly because he had no friends left his age and due to her dementia there was no way my mum could have attended. It would have been very distressing.
I said goodbye to him in the funeral home and I was told where and when he was cremated. I will receive the ashes in due course.
The cost was £1800 although it was not about cost.

There are many different kinds of direct disposal companies and some funeral homes offer it too.

For some direct disposals you can be at the (local) crematorium at the time your lived one is cremated just without a service and the curtain bit. Others will get you whatever slot is cheapest and you wont be there.

You do need to shop around.

If you want a funeral that will cost your relatives nothing, donate your body to medical science. The undertaker collects the body from hospital (assuming you die there) and bring it to medical school. When they've finished with it, after a year or more, they contact relatives to ask about final disposal - they pay for the cost of burial (in medical school plot) or cremation. If you want burial in family grave it may cost something to get grave opened.

At least that's how it works in Ireland. Both my parents and aunt donated their bodies, and it cost me practically nothing. We did have a memorial service for my mother -she had chosen readings and hymns - only cost was a small donation to priest.

My body is donated to science.
After 3 years the family can have it back if they want.
I think I know what my lot will opt for

I believe that that is not how it works everywhere. The family can be responsible for the cremation/burial cost on return sometimes. I havent looked into it too specifically in relation to the UK but I know it has put another poster off it (either her or MN) when they seriously looked i to it and read the ts&cs about cost on return which they had assumed was covered

Why bother with a celebrant? Do it yourself. That is what we did for my uncle. I based it on the BBC programme 'With great pleasure' No longer broadcast, where someone, usually an actor or presenter, read out their own selection of favourite poems and prose, interspersed with relevant information on their lives.

So that was what we did, we chose a mix of poems and selections from books that reflected his passion for football (Wendy Cope has written a suitable poem for that), trees and woodland, his love of his late wife and his love of music.Friends and family read the texts and I just co-ordinated it.

Here is a link to the programme www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b006qrx7

Thank you notanan for that information.

Not long ago we were chatting in a pub with a man who said a deceased relative of his was taken from the hospital mortuary to the crematorium in the old VW camper van he'd loved and cherished all his life. It was his 'final journey' and friends decorated the van with garlands of paper flowers. His friend drove the body to the crematorium. No one else was involved. We thought he was making it up but what a good idea. I cannot believe the cost of funerals.

Ann, sincere condolences. I am glad you were able to give your dear husband a quiet and dignified send off.

The link doesn't work for me so I'm not quite sure what it says. However, it will be my beloved sister's funeral this week. I live hundreds of miles away so although I was able to spend time with her in her final weeks, in some ways it still doesn't seem real to me. I hope I am going to find acceptance and solace by saying farewell to her one last time, and spending time with her lovely family.

Not everyone feels that way, I know, so we are lucky that we have choices available to us.

ann - I am so pleased that you were able to meet your OH's wishes; but sorry to hear that the visit to see him and the chapel of rest was so hard for you - I felt exactly the same about seeing my Mum, so, when Dad died, I did not go to see him.

We had a humanist celebrant for both my parents - the one for Mum I did not like (I thought he was rather a silly man) but the lady who did Dad's could not have been faulted in any way. She was serious, respectful and had listened to what we wanted.

For myself I think I would favour a "disposal" (either burial or cremation) with just family there; hen a bit of a knees-up with lots of singing at a later date. I like to think my family and friends would have a p[arty "on me".

I feel quite strongly that I do not want a funeral. I believe the money charged is outrageous and could and should be put to better use. Think how many people could be fed/clothed with the same amount a funeral costs circa £3000 for example.

Personally I also think the direct cremation fees are also outrageous for the work involved and the businesses should be regulated and much more fairly priced. I happen to know how much a coffin manufacturer charges funeral directors and this is also beyond any normal retail mark up considered fair.

It’s not just a money thing in my mind, nor a religious opinion. I can see that nearest and dearest may want closure and that is another matter entirely. It’s a personal issue of my final expenditure in this world being such a waste of money for absolutely no good reason.

I am sorry if I sound harsh, but it is just my personal opinion for my own body disposal.

I am interested to see how "water cremations" develop and if they become popular enough to become compeditively priced.

They are a more environmentally friendly alternative to heat cremations. From what I can decipher they basically do a mob disposal on you, presumably with lye, then neutralise the pH so it is safe to be drained away.

I would be fine with that, and also part of me likes the drama of it!

I do not for example fancy having my ashes littering/polluting water or nature (cremation ash is not like normal fire ash. It is much more toxic/poluting) but also dont fancy my ashes being sat on a mantle piece i definitely...

If I was rich enough to leave enough money to cover it as well as leaving enough to support my family, I would prefer an eco burrial to direct cremation.

But as I am in a position where I feel I do have to worry about not financially burdening my family when I die, eco burial is out and direct disposal is the best option for me

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-birmingham-42385567

So despite cremations causing 16% of the UKs airbourne mercury emissions, this is being opposed not for any scientifically justified environmental reason, but because the public might feel "ick" about it..


Which is stupid because goo from graves ends up in the water system. People dump cremation ashes directly and indirectly into the water system, but once a water cremation is done theres no "body" left just naturally occuring elements

My boss died in January, and was very specific with regard to what he wanted!

No coffin, a shroud instead, home done flowers from the garden and the place where his studio was.

No mourners, the only people in attendance were his wife and 2 children (both of whom are in their 20's).

When I visited him in the hospice, I did say that I thought the restriction on attendees was a bit off, others would have liked to pay their respects and show support for the family.

However he was adamant, so his wishes were met.

But he was also determined that there should be a big party in the Summer, with live music, staff & students past and present invited, to be called "The (name) Memorial Piss Up"

Now all I've got to do is organise it...............

My husband was cremated -- and that was that- No funeral no memorial service -

Was that approach popular? No, not in the least - People "wanted" a memorial of some sort - I find it funny what people want that they do not have to pay for -- and that the burden of providing it falls on the bereaved -

My husband will be remembered regardless -

It would be great if there were more options for body disposal.... Cost effective and eco friendly.

I find it funny what people want that they do not have to pay for -- and that the burden of providing it falls on the bereaved

^exactly my point!

I am leaving instructions that there is to be no funeral, and anyone unhappy with that is free to organise and pay for a service in my name, I don't care, but they must NOT expect my DH & DDs to pay for it or to organise it. And they will be under no obligation to attend either (they can have their own invite only memorial event)

P.s. any services in my name wont be at the crematorium & would be separate events

I am pleased that others have the same views as me.
Some people who asked when the funeral would be hadn't seen my H in months. One couple in years.
That in my mind wasn't respectful at all.
So much hypocrisy about funerals. Not by families I hasten to add.

I quite like the idea of being composted, which is a recent idea. Then I could be tipped into a flower pot and my family could plant an aspidistra in me!

www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-47031816

Funerals on one side of my family have a tendency to turn into a "performance". All of a suddent the deceased retrospectively develops a hatred of a certain colour and the immediate family (who are paying for it) are ordered to make sure that colour doesnt feature in the flowers. Or a love of a certain poet (that no one else ever heard mention of) or a particular taste in wood. Or dislike of a certain wood. And the service should be somewhere with exclusively light or dark wood pews. Etc.

That sort of nonsense. If the (paying) immediate family/partner disobay any of these demands it becomes a drama...

So.. no thanks..

Those types can put their hands in their pockets and plan the service they think I would like, complete with only sky blue flowers.... no pine (if I post humously develop a hatred for it) only X music played exclusively on flute. And everyone will have to wear burnt orange coulottes if that becomes my favourite colour after I die...

....meanwhile DH & DDs can invite their ACTUAL support system to a memorial picnic and have a low cost easy going gathering of loved ones...