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Manners going out of the window?

(63 Posts)
Mbuya Mon 01-Jun-20 09:06:23

I am interested to know whether you play any role in developing the manners of your grandchildren. If so, what areas do you focus on? Am I being rather old fashioned by insisting on things like elbows off the table, saying please and thank you and should all this etiquette training be left to the parents? It seems today all sorts of behaviour is now acceptable, such as wearing caps in the house or ignoring table manners.

Furret Mon 01-Jun-20 15:00:06

According to the etiquette experts the act of removing your hat indoors probably began with medieval knights. In Medieval times any knight who failed to remove his helmet or lift his visor to identify himself could face fatal consequences. Knights also removed their helmets as a sign of vulnerability and trust in churches and in the presence of women and royalty.

So helmets off chaps!

Kim19 Mon 01-Jun-20 18:34:50

I don't get too excited about manners with GC. Too glad to see them to consider reprimands. Happily their parents seem to have the situation well in hand. However I don't always agree with their thinking but zip fully in place as it's just not that important to me and certainly their territory.

MissAdventure Mon 01-Jun-20 18:46:55

I was very strict with my daughter about manners, less so with grandson now.

I will get up and leave the table if I think he is deliberately trying to provoke a reaction.

FarNorth Tue 02-Jun-20 01:57:33

Nowadays, I very much enjoy putting little pieces of bread in my soup to get soaked.
That's something I'd be told off for, as a child.

Smurf44 Tue 02-Jun-20 03:35:33

Red1. Last Summer I took my then 5 year old GS to Mary Arden’s Farm near Stratford where Shakespeare grew up. At 1pm we watched the Master serving the meal to his servants before eating their simple Elizabethan meal. Apparently the table where they all sat was simply a loose board resting on “trestles”. If someone on one side rested their elbows heavily on the table the board (table) would flip up which resulted in plates and food being thrown into the air, which was a waste and a mess for all concerned. So “Elbows off the table” was strictly enforced. Maybe it’s not such an important rule these days! Merely an old fashioned tradition that has been instilled into us over the last 500 years! ?.

“Above Board” was another Elizabethan saying. Hands had to be visible at the “table” so none of the young male hands strayed anywhere near the young females during their meals.

We all learned something that day!

NotSpaghetti Tue 02-Jun-20 09:50:33

4allweknow - I loathe the “ Sir and Ma'm ” of the USA.
I hated it 40 years ago but think it’s even more endemic now.

It smacks of subservience as it’s massively over used in my opinion.

mumofmadboys Tue 02-Jun-20 11:08:42

I think wearing hats indoors is up to the wearer and has no bearing on manners. Is wearing outdoor shoes inside considered bad manners?

Furret Tue 02-Jun-20 14:03:52

I think it is. I'd never ask anyone to remove their shoes but I'm always pleased if they offer.

MissTree Tue 02-Jun-20 14:14:00

To Smurf44
It’s fascinating to learn that’s why the elbow rule started. ?

GrannyBeek Tue 02-Jun-20 22:06:42

I was told that if you had your elbows on the table the footman/servant/waiter would not be able to serve your food.

PinkCakes Tue 02-Jun-20 22:10:05

I made sure my own children said "Please", "Thank you" and "Excuse me", and thankfully, my grandchildren have been used to the same manners. They say "Please may I......"

Mbuya Wed 03-Jun-20 04:27:43

Thank you very much for your responses. I suppose that we just need to instill what is acceptable in different environments and with different people.