Absence of a thank you for gifts

Good manners cost nothing, and make other people happy.

Of my three grown children, my daughter is very thoughtful and sends messages of thanks. She also remembers birthdays and phones her grandmother without prompting. Unfortunately my two sons seem to have forgotten the manners we taught them. One is a bit better than the other, but still... I should not have to remind a 30 yr old to call his grandmother or send a message of thanks for his daughter's birthday gift. I would not prompt his partner, but I do remind him. I can't stop being a mum!

I think it's important to say thank you. I don't think the format matters (text, letter, phone call) but a gift should be acknowledged, even just to let the sender know it made it. I have to admit that a couple of my children aren't good at doing this but I've got to where I think I need to stop telling them to send thank yous and remind them to do it, or remind them that it is their grandmother's birthday. They are young adults now, it's their job to remember. If they don't, it's on them, though I find it hard not to remind them to take care of it.

When I send a small or even large gift to a new baby it is to share and celebrate, I put my email address, if they don’t have it, on the inside of the card. Most times I receive a thank you text. However I remember struggling after a difficult caesarian section and looking after a premature baby forcing myself to write thank you notes and looking back I should have been caring for baby and myself instead of trying to reply within two days so I am more forgiving now. However the one kind of unacknowledged thank you that has me grinding my teeth is when money has been requested for a wedding gift, when not receiving an invitation, which I know has two sides to it. No point in receiving six kettles but the whole point of wedding presents used to be to help couples set up home, whereas nowadays, quite often both have good jobs and have been set up in their home, often with children for several years. I give very generously to youngsters who have for example just finished studying. However I still feel guilty that I have not given to a friend’s son on his remarriage. I have only met him once but his mum reminded me several times how generous everyone was being, contributing to their honeymoon in a very exotic location. I have given wedding gifts to all my daughter’s friends and without exception have had lovely thank you cards. They then get baby presents when the time comes and I usually have a lovely morning choosing something to send and I include the gift receipt to be practical. Times change.

When a mummy has a baby, her priority is and must be the baby.
That’s as it should be and we know that.
A true friend will not prioritise
thank you cards.
It’s not about us.
Stop, it’s Carona time and she has a new baby, be the bigger person, forgive her and think, she may be struggling, or perhaps she doesn’t like the gift. Whatever the reason, forgive her whilst remembering the demands just now on parents is huge. A little compassion will help you.

I sent an outfit for a young couple’s new baby about 4 weeks ago. After reading this thread I thought the little family will be busy getting to know each other and did not expect a written thank you.
Just wanted to share - the postman brought a photo postcard this morning of the baby with a handwritten thank you on the back (by mum). To say I’m thrilled is understating it. The gorgeous boy is now in a photo holder on the mantelpiece.

Jenpax,you mentioned that people have "very busy lives".
Do not the people who bought ,wrapped and delivered the presents have busy lives?
I accept the fact that very few people write thank you letters now but it takes very little time to send a text message or email.
I remember reading somewhere that because she never got thanked for presents sent to her grandchildren she decided to send them money in the form of a cheque.
The clever thing was that she "forgot" to sign the check!

i never expected thank-you notes for gifts, probably because i was not brought up like that.
generally i'd prefer not to have thank-you notes, as it seems to be making too much of a palaver of it.
i rarely give gifts these days, except everyday ones, when i see a product that i know someone likes, often a food item, or something useful, small things. it would put me off doing that if people felt they had to send thank-yous.
so much is cultural norms; problem comes because we do not all have the same norms.

Should have checked my post.
One of the "shes " should have been written as ."a woman" and the final word should have been cheque not check!