Absence of a thank you for gifts

All I need when I send gifts, which are occasionally hand made, is to know that they arrived - ie have not gone astray in transit. I am, of course, delighted if I receive thank you notes and do cherish them. However there are lots of things I meant to do but failed when my children were young and/or I was working in a demanding job... I could not do what young parents are expected to do these days where both parents' working is a necessity. I can only guess how stressed they must be raising young children during a global pandemic with all the associated worries about what the future may hold for them.

l dont have to get thank you notes, but a thank you text doesn't hurt anyone. No one's that busy they can't send a text!

grandtanteJE65 is spot on

Measuring people's behavior by your own standards is a losing battle.

Some posters mentioned here how they were forced to write thank you notes on Boxing day but those same posters, as mothers, didnt do with their kids - you yourselves changed the culture of thank you notes and I bet it annoyed other people.

OP said she has known the people she gave presents since birth
It doesnt mean they know you or you have a close relationship - you may or may not, you could just be a friend of their mothers' they know by name.

Even if you are close, you may not follow the same thank you customs.

Not being thanked "properly" so you do not give presents anymore - it is childish and vengeful

philly - you've spent roughly £25 on each of these people and for you that's a lot, but it was your choice to do this and presumably you received pleasure from doing it. The other side of this situation, is that three brand new mums (forget the bride) receive a gift which they probably smiled at when it arrived, but thereafter found themselves with little time to go to the loo or get sleep, and actually if they were given the choice of receiving a gift and having to worry about buying a thank you card, or calling their mothers/fathers to get your phone number so they could text, they might choose to be without the gift. I think it's OK for you to be disappointed but you say you're beyond furious - really?? because you don't get a formal thank you from a new mum for a £25 present that she didn't ask for ...?? Unlike most people on this thread, I do think you are being unreasonable. You can't obligate someone you choose to make a gift to. Nice to receive a thank you, yes but to expect it and become furious when one doesn't arrive ??

Why cant the fathers and grooms write the thank you notes?

Times are a changing .... I don' t expect thank you cards but a email / whatsapp video/ text message/ online photo is enough.If people don' t even say thank you it would be their last ever gift ....

I give my friends two daughters gifts for birthdays and Christmas and never get a thanks. On her birthday one was too busy on her mobile to even acknowledge the gift bag, never mind to say thank you. I was so peeved. I know they don't bother writing thank you letters anymore, but I'd even be happy with a text. Their phones are glued to their hands the majority of the time anyway and it would only take a minute.

"Indeed I went on to become a Psychologist." Tillybelle we have more in common than you realise. I too was a psychologist - Educational Psychologist , many moons ago!

Don't get me started on this one, it is extremely rude IMO. I've had this happen to me several times, and I've had to enquire if the gift arrived, and then get an off-hand "Oh thank you". I've given up sending gifts to the offenders now.

It’s the way we were brought up wasn’t it? It does bother me but I do like giving after all it’s a kindness and hopefully one day I will be rembered for my kindness Remember your kindness will last longer than you will.

I am not surprised that your are irritated. It is so easy to send a text, write and email or pick up the phone, even if no letter is written. I think it is very rude to not acknowledge a gift, whether one knows the person well or not. It is a kindness and deserves to be acknowledged!

Philly

Do they have your contact information?

I would certainly expect a a note or a phone call for a present.
Manners maketh man - having said that if it is a present for a baby - I would not expect a thank until at least a month had expired. Philly - they can't all be tarred with the same brush!

Here we go again. There are a lot of strange posts about gifts on GN. Gifts with conditions, expectations, disappointments etc. - gifts and etiquette.

Why oh why give to 'daughters of close friends? That's just peculiar!

At risk of repeating myself, once something is gifted/given - it belongs to the recipient. No 'ownership' remains with the giver.

Yes, it's nice to get a thank you - but it shouldn't be expected.

If gifting leaves you feeling bad, stop doing it - simple!

I agree it is not good manners, but you don't know how well they have been managing during lockdown width a new baby.
If they didn't ask for a present you have done this from the kindness of your heart and you should not unilaterally think that imposes an obligation on the mother to get involved in thank you cards. You never know if asked present & thank you card or nothing they may choose nothing.
Perhaps ask your daughter before doing it in the future.

i can see both sides to this, but agree most with what Grandetante said.
customs change. people are busy. don't give if you do it on condition of thanks.
you cannot impose a debt on others unilaterally.
some think a gift inherently imposes a debt of gratitude which must be expressed. else the recipient commits a grave offence.
but this is not a universal moral code. it may have been customary practice when you were young. but for whatever reason, it is not so now.
so if it bothers you, don't give.
some of these sound like a desperate attempt to establish or maintain a connection. perhaps the other party does not feel the same. maybe this gift-giving means far more to you than it does to them. maybe they are indifferent. maybe they wish you would stop.
these are all possibilities. i don't know. but some of them strike me a emotionally manipulative: look at all the effort i've gone to, so you are duty bound to give me something, your time, attention, gratitude, a sense that i matter to you, am important. but frankly maybe that is not the case. no ill-will but not in the circle of main importance either.
don't want to be harsh, but some people set themselves up for disappointment.
sorry to be curt, but am trying to avoid rambling. so bullet points. let us all try to be happy, or content.

My experience has been to get a nice card or email photo of baby/ happy couple usually about 2 months after the gift, which is fine. Not all young people are ungrateful.

Welbeck
Bingo

I could have written the original post myself - I said much the same to a friend a while back...but...don’t give up...I received a thank you letter from one new mum when the baby was nearly five months old!

I have four Grandchildren and one step Granddaughter.
For the older ones I give money for Birthdays and Christmas, I always give them the same amount.
I have never and I mean never, received any acknowledgment from my step Granddaughter.
When my twin Granddaughters reached 17, I gave them a thousand pounds each for driving lessons, the deal was, if they passed they could keep the remainder.
Three years later I gave the same to my step Granddaughter and no thank you at all. Even after I was called on at the last minute to drive her to her Theory Test, wait for her outside the centre and drive her back home.....Nothing!
I just can’t get my head round it!

I sent thank you cards to friends who bought presents for our new grandchild, pretending they were from the mum and dad! Just a card with photo and printed message. It was appreciated. Didn't want them to think they were ungrateful.

I think it’s rude. A thank you text and phone photo of new baby or newly wed takes about a minute to send. No excuse.

on the subject of giving presents , what bugs me is the fact that thank you cards or even a text does not happen , not with my lot anyway, it doesnt take much does it to just say , in a text, thank you granny and grandad

A friend of mine who used to send a cheque to her granddaughter when she became a teenager instead of a gift so she could buy what she wanted but after few times of no thank you for them she sent a cheque with out signing it on purpose the girl was straight on the phone requesting another one ......

I have read all of theses posts and have had various thoughts. I think you can wrap it up anyway you want and can make as many excuses as you want ( new baby, hasn’t got time etc etc ) but it is just downright rude not to thank the giver/sender of a gift no matter how big or small wanted or unwanted. I think the problem with people nowadays is they just have too much. Consequently gifts , even £10 gift voucher means absolutely nothing especially to the younger generation. I do not buy into the excuse that they just” do not have the time “. These self same people always find the time to post on Facebook etc. IT IS JUST BAD MANNERS WHATEVER YOUR AGE.