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Are you having the life you envisaged?

(224 Posts)
GrannyOrNanny Tue 25-May-21 22:39:18

I’m not, but realise I’ll have to get on with it. Grown children, no grandchildren, family mainly living away, crap job, sorry I’m on a rant!

What about you?

lemsip Tue 25-May-21 23:18:16


Chewbacca Tue 25-May-21 23:35:35

Nor me

Kate1949 Tue 25-May-21 23:47:56

No. It's pretty awful.

Evangeline Tue 25-May-21 23:58:25

Absolutely not

DillytheGardener Wed 26-May-21 00:08:25

No mores the pity

Nana3 Wed 26-May-21 00:11:06

Just resigned to it. What else can you do.

nanna8 Wed 26-May-21 00:25:39

I like my life but it is different to what I expected when I was young. It’s actually better really. Different country, lots of activities. I had a different job from my original teaching when I was still workingover here, 4 children and I didn’t think I’d have any. Until Covid, a lot of travelling which was unexpected because I was always carsick, bus sick, seasick and everything else like that. I still medicate for travel on boats and planes,though!

crazyH Wed 26-May-21 00:26:00


Savvy Wed 26-May-21 01:04:22

Pretty much, but I had low expectations anyway.

I live alone with my pets, never see anyone from one day to the next, and I'm disabled so only get out for medical appointments.

BBbevan Wed 26-May-21 02:26:00

I don't think I ever thought it out. Just went with the flow really. Quite a nice, happy life now but who knows what it might have been ?

Oopsadaisy1 Wed 26-May-21 07:52:18

I didn’t really envisage what my future would be like, I was young when I met DH, he wasn’t from our village ( most of my old school friends married their school mates and are still living there ) so I moved away, in the days of no car, telephone or away from a bus route it was quite isolating, and we lived in a local authority Tower Block until the children went to school.
But he turned out to be a ‘high flyer’ and then was away a lot for work, he lived in London for 2 years and only came home at weekends, at that time I didn’t drive, so i looked after the house , children, pets etc.used the buses but by then we had moved close to my family, so I had some moral support which was important to me.
We’ve had a good life, nice homes, holidays etc.but ill health in our children and GCs has been a real worry, and now we are older our own health isnt so good, apart from that we have kept our noses down and worked hard, DH has now retired and regrets the years that he spent away from family working.
But he did what he felt he had to do to keep us all.
Obviously I would change some bits, but we are still happy after 52 years, so I think we made mostly good choices (plus some pretty stupid ones) can’t change history so we just get on with it.
The ACs tell us that they had a great childhood and DD1 is doing all she can to bring her kids up as she was raised , so that’s a positive.

Sara1954 Wed 26-May-21 08:03:26

No not at all.
I saw myself as a free spirit, never putting down roots anywhere, never saw myself with children, and definitely couldn’t imagine myself married.
Now married for 44 years, three children, six grandchildren, nice home, worked in the family business for most of my working life, independent schools, nice holidays.......
whatever happened?

Lilypops Wed 26-May-21 08:07:26

Oops a daisy. Your post pretty much resembles my life though DH didn’t work away, he did shift work for years after being made redundant twice in our marriage, it paid well and gave us holidays and we could afford the endless school trips/ holidays, ,I kept house and looked after the children , I didn’t work until they were at school and the it was part time as I wanted to be home when they got in from school,
Before DH did shift work money was tight. But our AC say now they can’t remember wanting for anything and had a happy life, they now bring their children up the same way they were raised , so I guess life did happen the way I envisaged, no great expectations but happiness ,

Sunnyoutlook Wed 26-May-21 08:09:08

Savvy flowers

Curlywhirly Wed 26-May-21 08:16:10

Well, it's better than I expected - I never really wanted children, but finally caved in after 9 years of marriage (we got married when we were 20). I thank God I did every day! Turned out that I'm a proper 'mumsy' Mum and Nonna; love looking after them all, and have a lovely relationship with my adult sons, DIL and 2 grandchildren. Also, DH and I were both from very humble backgrounds and money was always tight. DH took a chance on starting his own business in his 30s and it became very successful; I never thought we would get to the stage where we had no money worries. However, I have never forgotten being a latch-key kid who had to grow up very quickly and how hard life was for my mother with no money and I still find it hard at times to be indulgent (especially with myself, but find it much easier to spend money on my children and grandchildren!).

kittylester Wed 26-May-21 08:22:24

I'm one of the people who didn't plan or even think about the future. I just went with the flow.

Having said that, my life has worked out well. We have had hiccups along the way but I wouldn't change much.

Ellianne Wed 26-May-21 08:26:45

Same as kittylester, I never planned anything in my life because I was open to new opportunities, and if anything was quite reckless in my decisions.
It has been great.

Shrub Wed 26-May-21 08:30:52

No. Husband died aged 60 so all plans for our retirement gone. I have made a new start but don’t like facing my old age and it’s accompanying medical problems on my own.

Emily49 Wed 26-May-21 08:32:18

I’ve had ups and downs over the years but overall a lovely life. Lots of travelling, lovely children and GC. Retired now, but doing a little job I enjoy. I feel sad reading some of your responses.

Shropshirelass Wed 26-May-21 08:35:57

No, I am afraid not. I was looking forward to having time to do things for me in my retirement, but since I retired I have done everything for elderly parents and family (not complaining about this, I was glad to be able to be there for them), also my DH has chronic ill health (not his fault) so I have to do all the driving and sorting things out. Sometimes I could scream! But it is how it is and I just have to get on with it, I am fortunate that my health is good. Family live too far away to help but wouldn’t anyway. Tomorrow I hope is my day and I AM going to lose myself in the garden for my own sanity.

Sara1954 Wed 26-May-21 08:39:29

I don’t think you can help looking back and wondering how different your life would have been had you made different decisions.
No, my life is a million miles from what I expected, I’ve made some very serious mistakes, but they’ve led me to where I am now, I think fate has been very kind to me, I’ve had a pretty good life so far, we have had problems, and I’m sure we’ll have more, but things could always be worse.

Lin52 Wed 26-May-21 08:47:57

I’ve a pretty good life, three lovely children, and plenty of grandchildren. Had a good, fulfilling career, and own my own home, before Covid travelled world wide. Have three very good friends and I live comfortably, this past year has made me more reflective, and it would be very easy to say what if. That never works, we are where we are, and I, for one, am grateful for all I have.

honeyrose Wed 26-May-21 08:56:48

I also feel quite sad at some of your responses, when life didn’t quite work out well. I don’t think I ever thought about or planned my future when I was young. I just went with the flow. Life so far has been good - loving and loyal husband, a lovely daughter and 2 gorgeous grandchildren. My DD and family live in the next village. Some wonderful friends too. Nice home, decent jobs, memorable holidays, reasonable health. I can’t complain. I can’t help worrying about the future though as my DH has some health issues and is convinced he’ll die before me. I hate the thought of being alone, but that can also be part of life and of course I could “go first”!

CafeAuLait Wed 26-May-21 09:02:02

No, but I think few people would be.