Are you having the life you envisaged?

Well done Shinamae, you have done well. My life is nothing like I envisaged, the biggest surprise is how well and far my children have come despite their childhood with no father about. That is probably why we are not close as I was always working to pay bills. They both have lovely children and partners, so that's good. I never thought I would be alone when I was older and not part of their lives.

Am I having the life I envisaged? Well, yes and no is the honest answer. My early life was dysfunctional and I aspired to be a good wife and mother, providing a safe home that was full of warmth and love and happiness.

Of course life knocked a bit of reality into me as illness, death, divorce and single-parenthood took their toll, so now I have the life I used to dream of, but tempered with reality. I couldn’t save my children from heartache, but I brought them up to be resilient. I couldn’t make my first marriage work, but my second is rock solid. I have children that were born to me and others that have come into my life from ‘other mothers’ and all have their place in our non-perfect, but loving family.

I am content with my life.

What an interesting, informative and often sad post. Thank you everyone for sharing x And there I was thinking its only me who has doubts and regrets as I struggle to adapt to and accept the limitations of ageing. I know now that I will never have my “ ideal” life. No more kidding myself that like the next diet, I will start changing my life for the better “next week”. I’m stuck with it as it is, though compared to many I have nothing to complain about. I too wish I had been more adventurous, and yes more selfish, more spiritual, more independent- especially financially- and had more self confidence and self belief. TBH now I think i have most things I want but little that I NEED. But I chose my path, ignored potential escape routes, survived cancer, sepsis, heart problems and now live a comfortable if dull life, with few current health issues .I thank heavens for girlie friends to share the frustrations, sadness and still make me laugh till I cry. I am blessed with family , several very close friends, acquaintances, OH, kids, grandkids. So why the emptiness? Too much introspection and too much time on my hands probably.

No. It's been one thing after another for the past 35 years.
I keep saying I'm going to write a book about it all. I'm sure it would be a best seller.

Come on over! A warm welcome awaits Meryl

When I left my first husband, I thought I would give myself a year to heal and then get two cats and that would be my life. I did need that year to get myself back together but then found my DH rather than the cats. I had envisaged a solitary but content life on my own, not the life I have had since re marrying. We've had problems with health but I can honestly say that I've never been happier. Through DH, I have a wonderful stepson and grandchildren I never expected to have and a partner who is everything to me. My heart goes out to those who are unhappy with their lives. I was so lucky that DH and I were in the right place at the right time. Don't know what the future holds but I count my blessings every day and give thanks for where I am in my life.

Handbaghoarder
How right you are, it’s hard when you come to the realisation, that you have had your chances, and from now on in, the best you can hope for is that things stay pretty much the same.
I wish I’d been more confident, and less easily led when I was younger, I wish I’d carved out my own career, rather than staying in the comfort of a family business, I’m not unhappy there, but it wasn’t really what I wanted, too easy to say I needed the flexibility for the children, or I wouldn’t earn so much working somewhere else.
I wish I’d cut all ties with my mother when I was young, instead of spending twenty more years in a difficult and dysfunctional relationship.
I can also see a lot of mistakes I made with my children.
But all things considered, I’m happy.
Married for 43 years, three healthy children, lots of problems with one, but we’ve kept her close.
Good friends, lovely home, adorable grandchildren, I think I need to count my blessings and not dwell too much on the might have been.

No, the day we married the ‘death do us part’ was related to our
old age not 8 years later.

Nope, 3 marriages (last one I was with for 19 yrs) had to go back to work at 53 after the last one. Now 63 and no pension to look forward to, living in social housing and still have twin 16 yr olds to support. On the plus side I have 5 amazing children and a gorgeous grandson, a job, food on the table and a roof over our heads - would just like to have someone who was the love of my life by my side.

I didn't think about husband's death and being on my own. That's not what I thought about. I have family but they have their own lives. I'm probably more fortunate then a lot of people but it doesn't make living on my own any easier.

To all those who feel sad and lonely ??

No, I come from very dysfunctional beginnings and always believed I would end up, like most of my family, in prison or close to it!
I met my first boyfriend at 21 and we married 10 months later. He taught me how to be kind, self respecting, law abiding woman. I had two beautiful children who are the only two of my parents grandchildren that are not incarcerated. We run a successful business and are comfortable financially. I only speak to one member of my family and that suits me mighty fine. I am now a Nanna and couldn’t be more proud of myself, my husband and my children, and grandchildren. Life is good. The only things I got from my mother were inherited medical conditions, she couldn’t even keep that crap to herself.?

Oddly, I sort of am. I never aspired to married and children, so although I did get married and have a child, I also got divorced.

I always wanted a career, rather than domesticity so I'm glad I've had that. The bit I didn't forsee was finding full-time work such a slog at my age. I thought I'd be raring to go with it for another 10 years at least.

In 2012 the year I reached the age of 60 and living in the 3 bedroom new build house of my dreams my hubby and I had bought together, our youngest son of 19 living with us.

Fast forward to 2021 and my 25 year marriage has broken up. My youngest son committed suicide aged 25, lost my beloved daughter in law to cancer and a good friend died in his sleep aged 56 in 2018. I have no savings left and live in a rented one bedroom bungalow shivering with electric storage heaters with big energy bills to boot.

So no, life has not panned out for me as I envisaged, but hey ho I am better off than many people in this turbulent world.

Sorry no. Not at all.

I have to say, mine's better than I could have hoped. Apart from gaining 'O' Level Maths and learning Japanese....that's what I thought I would do with all the spare time I'd have when I retired. Turns out I have too little spare time anyway.

I have enjoyed this past year when, of necessity, activities have been curtailed. Those first weeks last March were bliss. No traffic noise, no planes, no shops beckoning, just birdsong in the garden. Perfect peace.

I know it hasn't been so for everyone and for those who have been lonely.

Having spent my childhood being dragged around from pillar to post by warring parents I suppose I had few hopes and expectations concerning later life. I was determined not to repeat my parents’ mistakes and vowed never to marry or have children.

In fact I met my DH early on and we married, worked continuously despite redundancies (four for him) and a somewhat gruelling profession for me, juggled family and work commitments and wider family disagreements.

Financially it has paid off. We have a pleasant life with early retirement for me and a part time work commitment for the DH. The children have stayed close and are very affectionate and loving. We are somewhat isolated from others but manage to live with this and I also manage various neuroses caused by my early life such as severe anxiety and the terror of running out of money which persists even though we are financially okay. I am a reader and a thinker and these provide me with philosophy and solace in life. That said, I cannot imagine what I would do if anything happened to my lovely family.

To those who say we are a ‘privileged’, in other words, ‘spoilt’, generation, I would answer that anyone who is breathing in and out on this blessed planet and who is not in pain, is privileged.

Like others just went with the flow.I can honestly say I have had some great times wonderful holidays with our sons and time spent sailing.We have 4 wonderful grandsons and see them often.I nearly lost my eldest son and DH so life is very precious and we try and enjoy it as much as possible.

No, definitely not. I never really had many expectations for my younger life and it was very, very hard at times. But, I kind of thought it was pretty much normal. I was envious of folk who seemed to sail through life with very little problems ( or at least ones we could see ).

But, I did hope that having worked hard throughout my life and being a good person ( most of the time ), that when I reached retirement I would be in a good position to enjoy it fully. Sadly, first, the government changed the goal posts and has made me wait until I am 66 before I can claim my hard earned pension. Then I was signed off work at 59 through ill health. Since then I have had to jump through so many hoops to claim benefits that I feel entitled to, due to my ill health after working all my life since I was 15. I am sure of all the stress and living under this cloud of feeling ashamed on one hand of having to claim benefits at my age and the anger I feel when I see fit and healthy folk claiming everything going and getting it, giving the rest of us a bad name, has made my health worse.

So, instead of being able to really enjoy my retirement in the way I once envisaged, I have managed to move to Spain with my husband, but have to sit and watch others doing all the things I would have loved to do. Going on nice walks in this beautiful country, exploring lovely hillside villages, joining fun exercise classes and so on. It gets so frustrating at times. But plus side is I am just about in touching distance of getting my pension, so no more jumping through hoops to get benefits. I can tell the government where to shove them at last!

I never envisaged that having made a lot of friends older than us would mean that so many of them have now died . We used to have a good social life but now we are so isolated. Thank goodness for family .

I never really had a plan but in hindsight I wish I had. I would have:

1. Worked harder at school and got more qualifications
2. Made more of an effort to have a career rather than just muddling along doing admin jobs
3. Not married my first husband with whom I had three children. I would like to have been married a decent, hardworking, honest person, had children with them and lived happily ever after!
4. Not been such a pushover generally

However, I am grateful for:

1. My three children and my GC
2. My second husband - though we have had our moments
3. My good health - so far
4. Living in a beautiful area of the UK

I remember watching the film Sliding Doors years ago. Just making one decision can impact your whole life. I wish I had made the decision to finish with my boyfriend (who became my first husband) when I had the chance instead of giving in to his emotional blackmail.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing

It seems that most of the answers to the OP's question tend to be "No". In some cases life has turned out better, but sadly in most cases, worse.

Life is unfair. Some, like me, probably never actually envisaged our future lives, certainly not old age, but have been very fortunate and need to count our blessings.

Good post varian. I gave no thought to how my life would be but, currently, I really do count my blessings.

Definitely not, I was married for years then after my divorce i raised the kids alone..they have all moved out and have their own lives now. Two of them are close by but only the other day my youngest who is newly divorced announced she is moving away with a guy she met online and has been visiting when lockdowns were stopped.. this has floored me as we are close..my brother and sister in law live close but I rarely see them as they like their own company, my sister and her husband don't really socialise since our parents passed away. I am almost totally alone as my other daughter is quite content with her partner and son and only comes to see me if I ask her or the daughter who is moving away asks us to go anywhere. I am still in work but I retire in June and i am already wondering where my future is going...only a tiny family left and I will lose contact with my work friends. It is quite depressing...