Offendees

I used to be a volunteer with people with an debilitating and progressive condition. Among the other volunteers was someone whose son had the condition. She was very conscientious and caring, and would sit and talk to the patients -she knew what they were going through and did, definitely, have empathy with them. so much so that she and they would end up weeping together.

BUT - her very empathy wasn't good for patient morale! By the time their treatment for the day was completed and they went home, they were more depressed than when they had arrived. So were others who had been in earshot. Other volunteers who were a little more detached from the emotions engendered by the disease couild send the patients home with a memory of cheerful chat and laughs and discussions about ways to mitigate the symptoms.

Perhaps not quite as empathetic, but making more of a difference to their mood ?

Sympathy is all that is needed in most cases

I dont think that it is.
Durhamjen's link is excellent.

I would say that empathy is what is needed in most cases.

it could have been worse.

Xed posts. I was replying to Thatbags (for some reason that came out as Rnathags)

I'm still waiting for 'compassion' to enter the fray...

Sympathy is all that is needed in most cases.

You are also right about Dianaitis.

That was to Elegran

I suspect it is Diana-itis. The aftermath of her death did trigger a lot of public display of emotion. Not being publicly touchy-feely started being taken as a sign of inner coldness.

Yes.

I have always understood that sympathy is from the outside looking in and empathy is being willing (mentally) to be in there with them. The difference between "How awful for you, poor you" and "I understand how difficult this has been for you".

To empathise you need to be able to properly reflect on the situation the person is in and to use how they are describing the situation to be able to repeat back, in your own words, an understanding of how they must feel.

Sympathy can be closer to pity - you are not putting yourself in the other persons place but rather commenting in a possibly kind but abstracted, less involved way.

Yes.

But when people put forward practical solutions to a problem, or logical disagreements with what has been said, some others berate them for "not understanding the feelings of others" or being hard and cold - as though they alone have "empathy" with those with the problems. and as though those posting more coolly cannot sense and share the emotional side as well.

You cant totally understand by a long way, true.
We can often be very far from understanding what someone else is feeling, and why, and the intensity, and the exact problems.
And the place they are coming from emotionally.

Elegran, as usual you put things very well.

I was going to say someone had missed a gap in the market for 'empathy cards' but it appears not...(I'm not posting a link!)

dictionary.reference.com/help/faq/language/d23.html

How can you understand and share in the feelings of another if you have never experienced what they're going through?

Yes, you can imagine their feelings, but it's not the same as 'understanding and sharing'.

You do not have to have done the thing to feel empathy. Empathy is the capacity to understand and share in the feelings of another. Sympathy is feeling of sorrow for another person's misfortunes

This.

I would also add imagine their feelings. My mum always used the phrase "put yourself in their shoes". And take a moment to think about them. And practically help within reason.

You do not have to have done the thing to feel empathy. Empathy is the capacity to understand and share in the feelings of another. Sympathy is feeling of sorrow for another person's misfortunes.
I imagine all those who are in Calais are not thinking about the other person's feelings. They just want to be over here before the people whose circumstances they are sharing.

If you were really empathising with that bereaved person, STB, you would be weeping as they did. Instead what you extend to them with your card or phone call is your sympathy. But recently the word "empathy" is used a lot the time when people mean "sympathy", and it does give the impression (to me at least) that they are exaggerating their fellow-feeling so as to "polish up their halo".

And it's probably safe to say that nearly everyone on GN feels sympathy for the migrants at Calais and annoyance about the political bottleneck there seems to be in Europe on the subject of migrants. And, last but not least, that none of us think of the migrants as anything less than human beings worthy of respect as individuals and as a swarming group of individuals.

The two words do not mean exactly the same, so using one word for both blurs what is being said. A bit like using a chisel as a screwdriver because it is near at hand, then finding that when you want to cut into your wood very accurately, your chisel is chipped and blunt and doesn't do what you want it to.

Most people have suffered a bereavement in their lives.

It's probably safe to say that not many (if any!) on here have been forced to abandon their homes and travel thousands of miles to seek refuge in another part of the world.

A linguistic pity.