passed away

Surely what is disrespectful is mocking those who choose not to say 'dead or died', I do think questioning sending out a search party if the word 'lost ' is used is mocking . Doesn't take a genius to understand if a person tells you they have lost their husband they do not mean mislaid him , the grief shows in the face as does fear

Daisyanswerdo There are no words, sending you a hug.

Fortunately, we all understand the euphemisms and people should feel free to use whatever is suitable at the time. We need to be guided by the bereaved though or risk upsetting or even offending them.
Totally agree with TwiceAsNice that we must be very clear with children and also careful that things aren't 'lost in translation', as it were.
The pet scenario works well and prepares children for life. My granddaughter, aged 6, insisted that the long dead and buried goldfish was exhumed and went with them when they moved house. Needless to say, Daddy 're-buried' (cough, cough) the fish whilst granddaughter was asleep the first night in the new house and she put the original little painted stone on the 'new grave' in the morning. Well, sometimes a white lie never hurts.

I definitely prefer 'died' - but sometimes what I am comfortable with is not comfortable for other people, so I do tend to use a euphemism such as 'passed away' if I think it would make it easier for the person I am talking to.

Working in care home in 1970s, I couldn't wake a resident one morning, faint pulse and may have taken tablets during the night. My colleague rang local doctor who said he'd come round. He arrived about an hour later, was deeply embarrassed to find the lady had a faint pulse as he'd assumed that my colleague meant that she had died. He apologised for having had breakfast before coming. Happily the resident slept a little longer, awakened and lived for several more years.

Some years before our family GP had understood that my father had died when my mother rang her and said 'I can't wake my husband.'

Agree with Teetime's training, best to be clear. I do, however, tend to use the expression the bereaved person uses as that is how they are thinking of their loved one's death. Love the image of pets 'crossing the rainbow bridge' but would find it difficult to say the words myself! Where did that expression come from?

No, I'm not determined to pick a fight however rude and aggressive your posts are GG

I too would prefer to say 'died'there is no confusion, we are all so afraid of death, but using these euphemisms does not help.

What I find strange, are those who would find it in themselves to criticise anyone's choice of words or phrase under these circumstances. Or even notice the choice of words.

It isn't a case of being afraid of death but more a case of treading carefully around someone's grief. When I lost someone very dear to me, I couldn't have told you what words or phrases were used. I was too overwhelmed by the loss to notice.

I even forgave some of the stupid comments that were made such as 'well at least he'll never have to grow old' as I sort of understood these were meant to console by people who didn't know what to say, and felt they had to say something.

Anya If you are going to say things such as "WTF has it got to do with anyone else, I think you could expect a similarly 'aggressive ' response. This is a discussion about language isnt it?

Very unfortunately indeed not everyone drifts peacefully away. Sometimes accidents or worse occur. What euphemisms would people use for the ineffably sad 'was killed'? Passed away really doesn't do it from an information point of view.

Atqui had that been addressed to GG then you might have a point.

Guessing you haven't read and digested my latest post. I'm one of those arguing for greater tolerance from those who 'don't like' people using euphemisms. Arguing for freedom of expression. Especially in times of grief.

So therefore I also claim the right to use expressions such as WTF and if I have offended then that's tough.

For many of my friends English is not their first language so it is better to say died.

OK ... I give up!

wanders off to share views with talk to deaf dog

Great debate Gransnetters; and for those grieving, a hug. I think the point I was trying to make is that English is such a lovely language that we have enough ways of describing death, but I fully agree that everyone has the right to use the words they are most comfortable with. Bit of a pedant really.

who cares about what word or words is/are used - truly- what is the point about arguing about words when you are grieving - struuuf - whatever you feel comfortable with, honest. It's hard enough without having to worry about upsetting anyone with bl***y words.

Anya please tell me what I said that was rude and aggressive. Exactly what conveyed that to you not what you have made up, if that's OK with you.

In no post have I said I "'don't like' people using euphemisms". I have never said what other people should do but only how I feel and how I deal with the situation. Perhaps you feel you have the right to tell me what I should feel and think.

I do appreciate that some people come on to forums just to be angry and swear but please get your facts right before you attack someone and preferably try to debate the subject rather than start an all out assault on someone, it appears anyone you have taken a dislike to regardless of what they say, just for the sake of it.

Surely this is a fundamental discussion about the social mores that influence how death is described rather than a criticism of anyone who uses those terms? Or am I missing something?

When my dear uncle died earlier this year, I couldn't bear to say that he had died. I found myself saying that we had lost him. I've poked fun at this expression in the past, but it was the only thing that would do. I also found myself using the word 'bereft' to describe how I felt. Nothing else came close.

But when you have "poked fun" hummingbird I bet it was someone on television or something reported to you. I am sure you would not have done it to a recently bereaved person. I am also sure that anyone to whom you said you had "lost" you uncle would be thoughtful in their reply. It's about what it appropriate. In your circumstance what is appropriate is to take account of how you are handling your loss. In a discussion about how we use different words these days it is appropriate to say how what we think.

Anya, CariGransnet, Marmight, baubles, AshTree - thank you, and thank you for understanding.

Also nonnanna, Anniebach and FarNorth.

I hate euphemisms for died. For example passed on, gone before, passed over etc. One has died for goodness sake.

Daisyanswerdo

Sorry to read your pain.

Whatever word a person uses , it is just a word and to be honest I don't think anything about the choice of word a person has chosen. Understanding someone's hurt is all that matters.

I think I have probably used died, lost, passed away when talking of my loved ones and I wouldn't have even given it a moments thought that somebody should or would find my word used at the time galling, if that's the right word.

I am not being dismissive of anybody who does have a different approach to mine , I just have genuinely never given a thought that it was an issue.

Absolutely Gracesnan! 'Poked fun' at the use of the word in general terms, never at the bereaved. Like most, I would always be sensitive to others' pain. Like most things, it's about what suits the individual and their circumstances.

Daisyanswerdo - . I couldn't find my DF either, I just didn't know where he had gone. We were all so lost. (((hug)))

GG can I point out that no remark was addressed to you at first. In fact you were the first to make a post personal to me. I replied several hours later agreeing with you.

Then for some reason to replied that I was 'determined to start a fight' - with whom? What on earth made you post that? Originally all my remarks had been generalised, then I agreed with you.

I call that remark quite aggressive even if you don't. But I replied that I wasn't going to pick a fight even though I thought that was quite an aggressive thing to post.

I then continued to try to explain my point of view without reference to you, except to explain to Atqui that my remark was not addressed to you.

Why on earth do you continue to think that I'm getting at you. My remarks about people who 'don't like' euphemisms are general. Do you really think they were aimed at you? Please explain your assertion that I've made an 'all out assault' on you and back it up with some fact.

To be honest your last post directed at me is an exercise is illogical thinking.