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Like a Brian Rix farce in here!

(18 Posts)
Anne58 Tue 02-Jun-15 17:38:44

I was at the kitchen table tackling the crossword when Oliver Sprout came in through the slightly open window. Nothing wrong with that, he frequently pops in and out, usually coming to rub against my legs by way of a greeting. Not this time, he went straight into the hall. I turned aside from"Article penned by blues musician, to make things more confusing" 7,7 and went to look. He was happily batting a mouse about, (poor thing was definitely dead) but when I approached he obviously thought that I was so enraptured of the rodent that I wanted it for myself confused so he picked it up and dodged round me. I followed in hot pursuit, and managed to grab him complete with mouse.

Quick as a flash, I opened the front door and ejected the pair of them. In a flash quicker than mine, Oliver Sprout was up and in through the window again, still with his prize, and ran to try to hide behind the bookcase. By now even Digby-nice-but-dim realised something was going on and came at quite a speedy waddle to join in.

Oliver Sprout was now utterly convinced that this must be the best rodent in the world, because there were now TWO potential mouse knappers after it, so the only thing to do was to go upstairs. Fortunately the bedroom doors were closed, so he had to make do with the bathroom. For reasons best known to himself he thought that we would never find him if he hid behind the toilet. Had a fairly good attempt at it, but a foot and a half of stripey tail was a bit of a giveaway.

So, I gathered him up again and started off down the stairs. He released his grip on the mouse, which fell through the banisters and landed on the floor next to Digby, who was having a bit of a wash after all his exertions and didn't see it coming. Digby jumped backwards in alarm and managed to knock over the bottles that were going out for the recycling, the noise from that sent Oliver Sprout into panic mode so he leaped out of my arms causing me to lose my balance and fall flat on my bottom.

I'd just about righted myself, picked up the wine bottles and applied my dustpan and brush to the mouse, when my neighbour knocked on the door to show me one of her latest batch of rescued kittens, and to ask if I was thinking of getting another cat.........................................

loopylou Tue 02-Jun-15 17:47:30

phoenix that's brilliant grin
I can so sympathise, ruddy cats......and of course you'd love a rescued kitten to sort out Oliver Sprout and dear Digby, wouldn't you?

Jane10 Tue 02-Jun-15 17:58:15

HaHaHa! Cats!

whenim64 Tue 02-Jun-15 18:23:56

Phoenix you and your cats could win next year's 'Britain's Got Talent' if you polish that routine a few more times! grin Hilarious!!! grin

Lilygran Tue 02-Jun-15 18:26:22

phoenix that's so funny! No cats of my own now and it does make me nostalgic. Is nostalgic the right word?

shysal Tue 02-Jun-15 18:40:43

I wish I had your powers of description, Phoenix, you tell a good tale!
At 1.30 am last night Saffron came home through the flap, announcing her arrival as usual. However, I have learnt to recognise the 'meow with a mouth full'. She raced upstairs with her live gift for me, managing to lose it in my bedroom! After a few hours on sentry duty, she gave up. As far as I know it still resides behind a very heavy chest of drawers, which I am loath to move. I have positioned a pet-proof mouse trap against the adjacent skirting, which usually does the trick, unless it has died! At least it wasn't a baby bunny, which I have had to chase in the past.
Why do we love our pets so much?

janerowena Tue 02-Jun-15 19:03:36

grin I read somewhere that their kills are little presents for you, not because they love you, but because they think you are an appalling hunter/gatherer! They are trying to train you up.

AshTree Tue 02-Jun-15 19:27:04

Oh I think you need to start a blog phoenix, if this is anything to go by grin. You could call it Cat Tales.

Anne58 Tue 02-Jun-15 21:06:40

Thanks to all who posted!

I'm working on something with Oliver Sprout at the moment, but if I told you, you wouldn't believe it shock

Hoping to get it on camera, and if we do, will upload to You Tube. With some guidance from someone isn't a techno numpty grin

Without giving too much away, it does involve a bit of bribery and corruption, wink but those that have seen the odd training session have been shock

Katek Tue 02-Jun-15 22:27:46

Abs brilliant Phoenix and definitely more entertaining than the tv! My friend managed to break a toe tonight whiost trying to avoid stepping on the cat!

Anne58 Tue 02-Jun-15 23:05:27

Thanks to all who posted!

Although Katek there was a brilliant 2 part thing on TV a while back, think it was called "The Secret Life of Pets" Absolutely fascinating, although there were a couple of sections where I didn't know whether to watch the programme or watch Digby wacthing the programme! grin

Anne58 Tue 02-Jun-15 23:12:09

Perhaps I shouldn't be posting this, as it was first posted on another forum, and I think there is some rule with regard to forums retaining copyright, or some such thing, but anyway, I will post it with just a slight change! wink

OK, So picture the scene.........

It is stupid o'clock in the Phoenix house, (I so do not do mornings) Mr P gets up to go & make me my cup of tea. I hear some muted swearing along the lines of the elderly cat has been sick on the stairs & that I will have to get the cleaning stuff & deal with it etc. I would like to point out at this stage that Mr P is a drainage engineer. Show him an overflowing septic tank with turds & tampons bobbing about, & he's your man, ask him to empty the cat litter tray or deal with a bit of vomit & he's marked absent.

I decide to do the decent thing & get out of bed to assess the damage. Bear in mind that I do not normally do movement of the walking variety until I have drunk the aforementioned beverage.

So, naked, (not a pretty sight, please see profile for further information, but not if you are eating) I venture forth.

At the top of the stairs, my right leg develops a mind of its own & sets off confidently. (After all, it has done this many times before.) My left leg, however, decides it has become emotionally attached to that upright post at the top of the banisters & wraps itself around it.

This results in an undignified & painful occurrence. Thank god no video footage is available. My ankle now sports a sizeable wound, & has swollen to the point where the only shoes I can wear are my Birkenstock sandals. (Which, btw dh refers to as "you know, those lesbian ones you bought in Munich) My boss is less than impressed with my current work attire.

But what adds insult to injury is that while I was dangling naked & in pain from the top of the banisters, dh, (by now at the bottom of the stairs) looked up & said "what ARE you doing?"

What the heaven’s sake did he think I was doing?
Working on a new dance move?
Conducting an experiment on stair abuse for an obscure department of the EEC?
Testing the friction resistance of woolmix/manmade fibres for the British Carpet Manufacturers Association?
Attempting to see how much the human ankle can change colour as the swelling goes down & the bruising kicks in?

loopylou Wed 03-Jun-15 07:27:02

Sorry for laughing but..........grin

Men! On seeing me in A+E with a totally dislocated foot, and badly broken ankle, DH asked me 'Why did you do that?' Just as if anyone would chose to do it deliberately so that they could have 6 months on crutches hmm

I was in too much pain to even answer!

Grannyknot Wed 03-Jun-15 07:36:44


...and who's Brian Rix!? smile

NfkDumpling Wed 03-Jun-15 08:07:00

grin thank you Phoenix

(Have you started your blog yet?)

hildajenniJ Wed 03-Jun-15 08:34:50

Brian Rix is an actor famous for acting in the Whitehall farces of the late 50's and 60's. Very funny. He retired from acting early to put all his energies into raising awareness of the issues surrounding the treatment of children and young people with special needs.He had a child with Downs syndrome.

sunseeker Wed 03-Jun-15 08:52:39

If I remember rightly Brian Rix was particularly famous for always losing his trousers (in the farces I mean - not whilst walking along the street!)

Lilygran Wed 03-Jun-15 09:35:17 The other thing about farces is the rushing in and out of doors and French windows. Suits Oliver Sprout!