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Loss of a pet.

(19 Posts)
June60 Thu 03-Jan-19 21:45:49

I am struggling to get over the loss of my darling dog. She passed away in November, we had to make that awful decision & I can't stop thinking about her. Did we do the right thing, could we have tried something to keep her longer. To the outside world I am doing fine, it's a natural part of pet ownership etc... but in private my heart is broken, I see her everywhere, my life revolved around her. I know my husband feels similar, but I don't want to talk about it because I find it too painful. I know it will get better but I wish I knew when. I think part of my sadness is that we have decided not to get another dog, partly because we have the freedom to come & go now (We have grandchildren in various parts of the country) & partly because I feel we would be 'replacing' her - I know that sounds silly, but it's how I feel. Sorry, not after a solution, just wanted to vent a little

Grannyben Thu 03-Jan-19 21:57:18

Oh June, I don't usually read these posts because they make me cry. I lost my 2 dogs within 12 months so I do know how you feel.
They are part of a family and give so much to us so, of course you are heartbroken.
When I lost my first one I felt so guilty, could I have done more. The very kind and experienced vet told me it's better to let them go a day too soon than a day too late. Because we love them we would never want them to be left suffering. Give it time xx

seacliff Thu 03-Jan-19 22:02:12

So sorry June. I've been through it with cats, and it is very hard. I am sure you did the right and responsible thing for her, as a loving owner should.

I think because you have decided not to have another dog, it is even worse. No animal could replace your dog, but another might help a little to ease the heart ache.

Have you considered volunteering for the Cinnamon Trust? You walk dogs on a short term basis, where the owner is temporarily laid up. You are really helping the worried owner and the dog, so it is a lovely thing to do. You choose when you'd want to do it. www.cinnamon.org.uk/

Or even another group - Borrow my Doggie. www.borrowmydoggy.com/

It might give you a bit of a lift in these dark winter days.

MiniMoon Thu 03-Jan-19 22:04:33

I know how you feel. Our little parson Russell terrier stopped eating before Christmas last year. I had a feeling that she had come to the end. After 18 years it was so hard to take her to the Vet for the last time. I kept thinking wondering if I was doing the right thing, but the Vet assured me that if I hadn't asked for euthanasia, he would have suggested it. I didn't want her to suffer any longer, but I was heartbroken taking her on her final journey.
It does get easier, but I still miss her even now. Just try to be kind to yourself, and know that you did the right thing.
We are not getting another dog either, as you say, we now have the freedom to come and go as we please, without having to worry about the dog.

millymouge Thu 03-Jan-19 22:14:23

I do know how you feel, we lost our darling rescue greyhound in November. Although we do have another dog I do miss her desperately and I still keep asking myself if we did the right thing. Our vet did tell us that we were and that it was the kindest thing but it's so hard to accept. The other dog has missed her so much that we have looked into getting another rescued dog and I think we will, but it won't lessen the loss of my other dog, I know feeling like this is part of the grieving process. A lady said to me "grief is the price you pay for love". I hope in time you will be able to think of your little dog with some happy memories.

June60 Thu 03-Jan-19 22:22:15

Thank you so much for the kind posts. What I didn't mention was that I also said goodbye to our diabetic cat two weeks earlier, so it was a very difficult time (I still have a very much loved cat who is living the life of Riley at the moment) Our dog had dementia & had had a couple of strokes, she had been deaf for a couple of years & during last year her sight had diminished greatly. I actually find it comforting to hear your stories so thanks again for that. I think we could go down the road of borrowing a dog or even the cinnamon trust. I don't think non animal people realise how much time we spend with our pets, they are with us & count on us 24/7 & I know we wouldn't have it any other way, but it does make it harder when they're no longer with us

maddyone Thu 03-Jan-19 22:49:09

You’re not silly June, just grieving the loss of your beloved pet. You made the right decision because it was the right decision, and now you’re questioning that decision. That’s perfectly normal and part of the grieving process. Don’t beat yourself up, you were a responsible pet owner who did the right thing at the right time for her pet. I also have had to make that decision, it’s a horrible thing to do, but in our hearts we know it was the only thing to do. Eventually you will remember your pet and smile.

Anja Thu 03-Jan-19 22:58:16

June I know just what you mean. It’s the hardest decision of all but I honestly believe that leaving it too late to make that decision brings more pain and regret. Our pets are part of our lives and they give so much and ask for so little in return.

It breaks my heart when I read of all those sad and unloved dogs and cats that have been abandoned by their owners. The lucky ones get found and taken to an animal charity but they must be so confused as to why their littld lives have been unroofed and wonder where their family and familiar surrounding have gone, and why ?

Your dog never had to experience that. She had you xx

megan123 Thu 03-Jan-19 23:30:04

I am so sorry June. It is the hardest thing but you have done the right thing by her. It is never an easy decision, but you had to make that choice. She had a wonderful loving home with you for all those years xx

ginny Fri 04-Jan-19 00:47:02

So sorry you had to make that decision. We had to do the same a couple of months ago for our Sasha. She was 17 , we have still got her brother, the same age.
You know of course deep down we make the decision out of love but it is so hard.

fairisle Fri 04-Jan-19 01:01:20

June60 flowers

Sparklefizz Fri 04-Jan-19 08:07:19

June60 flowers I am so sorry to hear about your loss. We love our pets as members of the family, and it's terrible when we have to make that final decision. I have had to do it several times and it's always traumatic. I live on my own and my pets are so precious.

One time when I had to part with my gorgeous 17 year old cat who was diabetic and then began having seizures, and was gutted and feeling disloyal at just the thought of getting another cat, my daughter pointed out that I had a lot of love and a loving happy home which I could give to a rescue cat who badly needed all of that. We can never replace the pets who have gone before, they are all wonderful characters and we still love them. I took in a dear little rescue kitten, only 5 weeks old and absolutely petrified of everyone and everything. She needed a lot of time and TLC and I had bucket-loads to give.

Maybe you will feel able to do that when the time is right June ... not necessarily a dog as it's true that they can be a tie, and you say you want more freedom, but maybe another little cat who has suffered and needs someone to show him/her what love is. xx

Teetime Fri 04-Jan-19 08:59:12

Ah june60 I am so sorry its agony isn't it. We were in the same position some years ago with a Golden Retriever called Toby we have never stopped thinking about him but also in a quandry about having a dog now that we are retired and free to come and go. I hope you are soon able to remember all the good times and that the acute pain will lessen. flowers

sodapop Fri 04-Jan-19 09:17:47

So sorry to hear about the loss of your pets june60 you did the right thing but its very hard isn't it. You sound like your mood is very low and you could use a little help. Talk to your GP about counselling or other help. The loss of a pet is traumatic, don't underestimate the effect it has had on you.
Hope you feel better soon.thanks

Framilode Fri 04-Jan-19 09:46:19

So sorry June. I know how you feel. We had to have our little dog put to sleep the day after Boxing Day. We are both heartbroken and, like you, we have decided he was to be our last dog.

He picked up and illness in Spain (leishmaniasis) and had been struggling for some time. On Boxing Day he started to haemorrhage and was examined under anaethsetic. There was so much wrong with him it was kinder not to bring him round.

Though we knew his death was approaching we had always promised ourselves it would be done in our home. He was so terrified of the vets and I feel so bad when I think that the last time he saw us he was being led away by a stranger and feeling terrified.

I know I will come to terms with it as will you, but I feel very much for you at this time.

June60 Fri 04-Jan-19 11:20:06

Once again, thanks to all fir your replys, it has really helped reading them thanks Sodapop you are right, we both feel a little low, but definitely are having better moments. Sparklefizz I am very grateful to still have my remaining cat & as she's a bit long in the tooth to accept a new kitty I will definitely look into that when she is also no longer with us
Framilode I am so very sorry for your loss & send you a big hug
What a lovely, kind bunch of people here x

Fennel Fri 04-Jan-19 12:04:02

I know how it feels, June. We had to make that decision in Jan. this year for our 15 yr. old border collie. Our little sweetheart - though she was a real character and was no 'softie'.
I have lots of photos, and I've just recently realised how she was always near me, as if her job in life was to protect me.
Looking at the photographer with an expression "you stay away from my mistress"

June60 Fri 04-Jan-19 15:57:19

Fennel my dog was the same, she loved my husband too, but if I left a room she would be there beside me - I even used to resort to tip toeing out of the room sometimes to save waking her, but even if she was snoring her head off I would look & this one eye would open & there she was! Another funny thing I remember was she would be fast asleep in her bed, husband would leave the room & within a nano second she would have stolen his seat smile

MaggieTulliver Fri 04-Jan-19 16:07:49

Ah what lovely memories OP. I hope it gets better with time but reading all these posts has brought tears to my eyes. My dog is my world and I sometimes lie in bed at night wondering what I'd do without him....I think you need to grieve for a beloved pet in the same way that you would for a family member, because that is what they are.

You must try not to be feel guilty in any way about making the decision; you did what was best for her and were being unselfish. What breed was she?