In laws nasty when we took our new dog round. We didn't expect them to ask the dog inside.

I don't think any of this is worth losing family over.

There was clearly a misunderstanding, and nobody on here can possibly know who thought what, or what else was going on under the surface.

As presented, though, it was just that - a misunderstanding about (a) whether the dog would be a welcome visitor, indoors or on the step, and.or (b) what the BIL thought was the intention of the visit.

If everyone had been close before all of this (and having close relatives living so near is something that could be a comfort as time goes by), it seems such a shame to lose the friendship over something that can easily be put right.

If the in-laws are not keen on visiting dogs, you can leave the dog at home when you go round, or if it's just that they would prefer a bit of notice to dog-proof the house first, you can do them that courtesy, and still be friends. I agree with the idea of dropping in a note (or a card?) apologising for any misunderstanding, and asking them round for a drink over Christmas.

Enjoy your puppy. We lost our lovely dog last year, and I would love another one, but my husband isn't ready yet. We have my daughter and her puppy here for Christmas, and I realise just how much I miss having a dog about the place.

Your in laws haven't replaced their dog for whatever reason. You turned up with an unknown dog at a time of year when (presumably) there are even more items to be knocked over and/or damaged than usual.
Your dog wasn't invited and you chose not to phone and find out if your sister in law wanted to meet it at that time on that day.
You and your husband acted spontaneously and without warning because you wanted to, as you are entitled to do. Accept the consequences

You knew what your plan was ,your brother in law didn’t. He was being clear he did not want a dog in his house. You were not clear . You also put him on the spot and so that’s why you got a reaction you didn’t like. You should have phoned and asked. Then he would have had time say no a bit more calmly.
Are you really going to blank your relations just because your dog is not allowed in their own house?
My friend turned up unexpectedly on Christmas Day with her son and her dog right in the middle of our meal. I did not want anyone in at this point so I kept her on the doorstep while my cat hissed at the dog.We are still friends , I said I was in the middle of dinner and I’d pop round to her this week and I’d give her a text first. We wished each other happy Christmas and everything is fine .

It was pre arranged Juel.
The BIL and SIL had invited OP round to their house on christmas eve.
The OP & DH stopped by on Christmas eve to drop off presents during a dog walk and told them they werent coming in, but could come back later after dog brought home.
BIL was not impressed/rude. Either because he assumed they were wanting to bring the dog in without having asked or because the visitors they were expecting were there handing over presents telling him they werent coming in. Whichever it is, its understandable that he might not be happy about it!
OP now wants to be off the hook for the rest of the holidays to not talk to her BIL any more.

Hopefully the DH and his sister found a way to get together at some point anyway....

Yes, move on. Allowing this misunderstanding to spoil the relationship would be short-sighted.

If the visit was pre-arranged..shame on them. If you were just dropping in, they were still rude but they may have needed some privacy at that moment and they handled it badly.

Send them a little note saying..
We obviously picked an unfortunate time to pop round but we were looking forward to seeing you both very much. Of course we would have taken the dog home but just wanted to introduce her/him to you.
Hope you’ve had a great Christmas, love...

Move on xxxx

Thanks Elegran. Yes the invitation does mean to go in, naturally. But it still doesn't excuse the mouthy man for not listening to them explaining that they just brought their dog to show him to them and that her DH was going to pop him back to their house. Nothing excuses someone ranting on and not listening to another person. That was simply very rude. It was also extremely unkind, given that the OP's mother is very ill. I find it inexcusable that this BIL rated on at such length so that his wife's brother and SIL eventually just gave up and left. I can't understand someone who does not allow another person to speak. It's dreadful.

" . . about the presents indicating the desire to enter the house - which they did not! I take my dog round my neighbours' houses as I deliver Christmas Cards. Do I intend to go into their houses? Absolutely not!"

Er, no, Tillybelle, Arcadia said in the original post " . . Having an invitation to pop round Christmas Eve, me and my husband walked down the road with our new collie dog, and a bag of Christmas presents." Surely the invitation to pop round included an invitation to enter the house? If I invited soneone to pop round, I would expect them to come in to exchange presents and maybe have a glass of something and a mince pie.

So the BiL is justified in at first assuming that Arcadia, husband, presents, dog and all were popping in to the house. You can argue that he could have recovered from his first surprise and been more polite in his reaction, but as none of us were actually there at the time, we don't know exactly what expressions were on everyone's faces, or what words passed their lips in the heat of the moment.

So what the hell is everyone doing labelling the poor man a monster? And even more important, why is everyone here celebrating peace on earth with such petty nastiness one to another? What makes people so quick to be spiteful?

Happy Boxing Day to all members and their families and friends, and let's hope we can start 2020 all on speaking terms with one another.

Tillybelle. Thank goodness for your post. You are my saviour in a sea of hostility. Wonderful to see that some people actually read the original post and try to put themselves in the OPs shoes rather than wilfully misunderstand and then attack for no reason whatsoever.
Well said Tillybelle and thanks for being a kind, understanding soul.

CleoPanda Bless you! How I agree! It makes me so sad, well upsets me a lot actually, that people are so nasty and cruel and say such cutting things, making assumptions and twisting what others have said. This poor OP obviously wrote in great anguish. She had a terrible experience. It must have come as an awful shock. I remember only too well the terrible shock I had when I went to my neighbour in kindness and with offers to help to only be attacked before she had even heard why I was there. I have not recovered in fact and now avoid her of course. But this was so unreasonable. Her DH was taking their new dog to show to his Sister, whom he knew had previously owned such a dog, and naturally would like her to see their new member of the family. I remember taking one of my dogs to show to my friend down the road. I didn't intend to take her in. I was going to pop her back and return for the kind offer of tea, but because my dog is extremely small and she wanted me to bring her in, I held her on my lap all the time, away from their carpet. But this assumption that they intended to take their dog in and the disregard of the BIL's terrible rudeness and refusal to listen to them....
I often feel I can't manage Gnet any more. But there are so many kind people here too....
Thank you for what you said. It needed to be pointed out.

I can only repeat Tedber, in despair:

Tedber Thu 26-Dec-19 11:28:51

"I really wish people would learn to read the original post
My husband was prepared to take our dog back home, rather than take her in the house (a two minute walk) but wanted to show the dog to his sister.
old grouch (brother in law) to understand that we were happy to drop the dog back home and return."

and HootyMcOwlface (OH how I love that name!) tried to help - pointing out the above quotes.

notanan2 do you want a spade? You are digging yourself in so deeply about the presents indicating the desire to enter the house - which they did not! I take my dog round my neighbours' houses as I deliver Christmas Cards. Do I intend to go into their houses? Absolutely not!

Sheila11 Me too! I’m totally with you!

Alexa: Are you sending this up?
"Maybe someone had just been murdered in your brother in law's house or maybe his wife had just said she was leaving him, and he was unbalanced. There has to be some reason for actual rudeness." Really?

The most common reason for "actual rudeness" is that the person is an actually rude person. There are a fair number of arrogant, rude, bullying, nasty people around who do not want to hear others speak, and who shout off their own opinions in the pompous idea that they are always right. They are not worth trying to explain anything to because they won't listen. The best thing to do is to avoid them. They sometimes write in on social media, so don't let them upset you there either.

Then poor arcadia 03 Tue 24-Dec-19 20:48:24, is driven to helplessly try again to get some people here to listen to her:

"We hadn't expected to take our dog in our in laws house. This is what I tried to explain to my brother in law."

But no! Her words are thrown in her face and she is as good as called a liar, the presents being the "proof" as notanan2, Tue 24-Dec-19 20:51:40, jumps on her:
"*We hadn't expected to take our dog in our in laws house*
Yet you were stood on their doorstep with arms full of presents! Of course he assumed you intended to come in!"

And so "of course" notanan2 assumes what the BIL assumes..... methinks that's too many assumptions removed from the facts m'Lud!

Eloethan You are so lovely! Thank God for your kindness and understanding!
And-
Kartush Thu 26-Dec-19 13:14:39 I completely agree! I award you the golden hammer for hitting the nail bang on the head! ? sorry the golden hammer is silver this year! The golden ones seem to have disappeared...

arcadia03. Don't let this upset you, my dear, honestly, you can't do much about rude people who won't listen. It's a horrible fact that they do exist and it's even more horrible when one appears in our family. Give him as wide a berth as you can. Enjoy your own dear husband and your sweet new puppy and be with your mum as much as you are able. I shall pray for her and you. You must be feeling very vulnerable at this time and Christmas and New Year are very emotional times too. Be extra kind to yourself. Lots of love, Elle x ??

And so it goes on.... people are being terribly and unnecessarily rude. How do accusations and insults answer the original post? As for the extremely rude post from a partially sighted user, I’m speechless! When did they get to be the decision maker on what constitutes an interesting post? The antagonism and vitriol here are mind boggling. I think gransnet need to rewrite their forum guidelines. Also, some of you angry people need to rein it in. It’s supposed to be the season of goodwill but clearly not on here.

I am a dog person and love dogs. My Cousin in Law once came to ours with their 2 dogs and thought we were going to ask them in. Unfortunately this was not the case as never will the 2 dogs be allowed in my house as they are untrained and uncontrollable.

Notanan snippy as ever

If visitors arrived unexpectedly with a dog, I would ask them in and be civil, but I would be dismayed at their want of courtesy.
My family NEVER 'pop in' without a call to ask if convenient, and certainly not with an unknown hound in tow.
It almost always is convenient for me, because I love visitors, particularly family, but it's one of the pleasantries of life to enquire first.
BIL shouldn't have been rude, tho' - no excuse, especially at Christmas.

What old grinches. Dogs are part of the family, and nowadays are not allowed out without people! (unlike cats). It is a new pup, your old dog has died, your mum is ill it gives you great comfort. If they had any feeling towards you emotionally they would welcome such a support. of course you'd want to introduce it.
Sorry you've got such rude inlaws.
Dogs hate being left alone, if you love your dog it hurts you to leave it. Have some understanding all you dog haters!

arcadia03. I'm so sorry to read of this rude man and much more sorry about your Mum.

People who like to shout and be rude and not listen to others or behave reasonably or with politeness are extremely distressing to encounter. I can truly sympathise as this happened to me when I went to speak amicably to my neighbour and she inexplicably flew off the handle. It was clear she had an agenda other than to speak to me. There are unreasonable, bad-tempered and rude people around who like to bully others. We just have to accept that sometimes we will bump into them. It is better to find out that they are rude and unreasonable sooner rather than later.

I have dogs and, while I have often called by while out with one of my dogs, to deliver something or to ask about something, I would never expect my friends to invite them into their house. So why he had to assume you were intending to bring your new dog in does make me think he was looking for a fight. He sounds like a very aggressive and unreasonable man. To be honest I would avoid him as far as you possibly can. People who will not let others speak are just bullies. Unreasonable people are simply that - impossible to reason with! So don't waste your time or energy. Just ignore them and walk away. It is sad for your sister in law but I hope you will be able to catch up with her on her own later on. I would simply not bother to talk to this man any more.

Your concern is about your dear mum. I am so sorry she is very ill. Try and keep your spirits up and visit her whenever you can. Your husband may have to meet his sister without her aggressive husband, I think. Perhaps invite her for coffee so she may see your new dog.

I am glad you have another dog. Where the circumstances are right, I believe it is the best thing to do, to get another pet, when one we have dearly loved passes on. I am sure you will have many happy years with your new member of the family. I wish you well and lots of fun with your dog, hoping you may meet your sister in law on her own and that you may avoid her difficult husband. I feel so sorry for her. I do hope your dear mum is comfortable and that everything is peaceful, loving and calm around her. Bless you all, Love from Elle x

Oh what an upsetting incident for you. Your new dog sounds delightful and I hope you had a lovely Christmas Day with her. All visitors are welcomed in our home whether on 2 legs or 4, we even had a Shetland pony in the house on one occasion! Having said that I wouldn't take my dog with me to visit someone unless I knew they didn't mind, but as you were prepared to take your pet back home your BIL did not have to be so nasty about it. If he was my BIL I'd probably never visit him again !

Arcadia03 ...hold your head up, love this new little collie to bits ..and as for the rest ..deep breathe. ....and go forward..stay away from negativity..your dealing with a lot ..and I find it’s always harder at this time of year. Emotions run high.people say things..and I bet if you tried in a few weeks to say well you said this at this time you would get o no I didn’t.? it happens..we have to turn the other cheek ..hugs and kisses for you..from me...look forward to the new year ..new adventures..bless you xxx

The fact that they made you feel so bad is wrong. They must have nothing better to worry about. You can still be friendly but you won't forget how they made you feel. Their fault.

Irrespective of the dog - and as a dog -owner I can understand others' objection to unwelcome canine guests - it sounds as if the BIL was not in a particularly good mood then. Could be some some reason for it , like interrupted a good film on the telly , a prior argument, an evening of passion....
It does not excuse rudeness but I would urge not to allow this one incident to destroy a family relationship . Even the fact that you decided to go there impromptu, shows that there are are close family ties and the sister is seemingly an innocent party to the way you were welcomed .
It might be better to issue an invitation yourselves and in future give a prior ring.
Hope it works for you.

How does a forum discussion become so antagonist. Regardless of wether you like dogs or not, when you open your door to visitors most normal people, even faced with an unexpected animal would say something like “oh you brought the dog” thus giving the owner a chance to explain. This is courtesy. If you take your dog to someone’s house, even a relative, even if you have no intention of taking the dog inside, you should be aware that you may not receive the welcome you expected. The taking of the dog was probably not the best idea but the behaviour of the home owner was seemingly excessive in my opinion.
As for some of the comments I have read in this discussion, it appears to me that certain posters take delight in being deliberately antagonistic and I am not sure why.

I'm not a dog lover but tbh a quickie visit on Christmas Eve wasn't going to do any harm, was it? I would probably (well definitely) have asked if it was likely to pee in my living room but not in a nasty way. A "Merry Christmas", a cup of tea and Bob's your uncle the visit would have been over and nobody would have been hurt.

It would have been easier to just go and say you couldn’t stay too long due to the dog at home. They then had the choice to say you could pop back for the dog or say they understood. If you arrived with gifts and dog, I would have assumed you were all coming in. I would have been polite and said we would prefer you to take the dog home.

I'm so sorry you had this upset.

Knowing that your sister-in-law and her husband had had a dog before I don't think it was at all unreasonable to assume that she would want to see your new collie.

Try not to worry too much about this. Perhaps after the New Year your husband can have a quiet word with his sister and explain that you didn't intend to bring the dog into her house.

Enjoy your new dog,