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How long does pet loss grief last?

(89 Posts)
MommaP Tue 31-Dec-19 10:59:36

Any advice?

Had to have our rescue lab Marley put to sleep Friday night before Christmas. Very sudden but totally right thing to do but a giant black lab shaped hole in my life. Am very emotional still - I got call his ashes are ready to collect and I'm a blubbering mess again.... I know life will get better eventually

silvercollie Wed 01-Jan-20 10:36:03

Momma P - 16 months now and I cannot read these messages, so know how you feel. We are all different in how we manage. Time helps. Thinking of you.

whywhywhy Wed 01-Jan-20 10:29:32

So very sorry to hear of your loss. Take as long as you need to grieve as its not an overnight experience. I had to have my beautiful rescue tabby cat PTS on 5th Nov and it still hurts like hell. She was 20.5 years old and had diabetes for the last 9 years. She was my little best friend. I cry every day. Sending you love and hugs xx

Psalmody Wed 01-Jan-20 10:22:51

So very sorry for you all, it is a hot wrench, but on a positive note your grief is evidence of your love. I have found the attitude of thankfulness as a response to the sadness helps to smooth the sting of grief. We are so privileged to have these wonderful creatures in our lives.

LeeN137 Wed 01-Jan-20 10:12:34

Condolences never seem adequate, but you have mine. The pain will ease, but how long it'll take is unique to you, Marley and the support of your other loved ones. Eventually, you may feel able to give another pet a home - it'll never replace Marley, but will help, so long as you don't feel pressured into it.

Witzend Wed 01-Jan-20 10:03:48

Sending lots of sympathy, MommaP.

From experience it can last quite a while.
We lost our dog and cat - we’d had both for over 14 years - both had to be PTS within 6 weeks, and TBH we’d left it too long with both, because the decision is so awful to have to make.,

It seemed a long time before the house stopped feeling so empty and sad.

It’s still so very new and raw for you. I do hope you will find your grief begins to ease a little soon, but in the meantime it’s quite normal IMO to have a really good cry. xx

Jan16 Wed 01-Jan-20 09:53:36

Our beautiful little schnauzer died in Sept 2018. She had a heart murmur but died very suddenly when my daughter was looking after her and we were away for the weekend at the other daughters. It was devastating. We have made the big decision not to have another dog as we are getting older and couldn’t give it all the exercise it would need and also we couldn’t face the heartbreak again. We have in the past had another puppy soon after the loss of another dog and although the new dog doesn’t take away the pain of losing your old dog a new puppy brings new life and something to look after and love.

Aepgirl Wed 01-Jan-20 09:51:55

It’s far to soon to have ‘got over your grief’. It takes time. It’s not helpful (and quite hurtful) when people think that the death of a pet is less important than that of a human. Take your time, cry if you feel like it, and don’t try to forget - remember the fun times spent with your lovely lab.

Bluebird64 Wed 01-Jan-20 09:48:00

I've always had smaller and larger pets, mainly cats, dogs and guinea pigs, and have suffered much grief at their eventual loss. For me, getting a new pet is the only answer. It will never be a 'replacement', but it is a tribute to the deceased pet that they gave us so much joy that we want to experience it again.....

Brigidsdaughter Wed 01-Jan-20 09:46:19

15 months since I lost my precious cat, Bagheera. His ashes are on a chest of drawers in my bedroom. I've been ready for a while to get a new cat. Perhaps 5/6 months but have been dogsitting in that time so have not done that yet.

My heart goes out to you. I was a blubbering mess too. It got easier after a few weeks but we often talk about him still. Sinetunes I call the little dog his name by mistake.
Having been and still am a cat person, having had the dogs for a while I am now used to and really enjoy their welcome home, love and boisterous ness, etc and can really empathise with the loss you are feeling. It's natural. Dont get too annoyed at some others cool response - only an animal lover will get it. Or polite people will try.
I couldn't help reevaluate a few based on their blankness to my grief ♥️

Juicylucy Wed 01-Jan-20 09:44:13

I’m reading this with tears rolling down my face as I’m watching my old girl eat her breakfast she’s 15 with few health issues and I’m absolutely dreading the day. I love her so much as I’m sure you do yours. They bring us so much joy, and love but heartache to. Just sending hugs to you, be kind to yourself. Have you read rainbow bridge it’s a lovely poem for loss of an animal. You can google it.

downtoearth Wed 01-Jan-20 09:42:41

Our beautiful black lab Ellie, has been gone for 4 years at the end if January.

She was such a wonky donkey with all manner of things wrong with her,but was such a gentle loving girl.

I still grieve for her

TashHag Wed 01-Jan-20 09:33:11

So sorry OP. I know how you feel.

It’s 18 months since we lost our lovely little staff/jack russell cross, Pearl, and I still miss her. (In fact, I’ve just taken down the Pearl calendar my daughter made me last Christmas)

Life goes on and I hope one day to have another dog of my own - currently looking after my neighbour’s dog while she’s away - but I think there will always be times when I feel sad about my Pearly girl. Our pets are part of our family, except they never argue or let us down or say an unkind word, and are always delighted to see us.... it’s no wonder we get so attached when you think about it.

Shazmo24 Wed 01-Jan-20 09:32:59

I still miss my cat Domino after 2 years...I even call for him when coming into the house as my head says he's not here but my heart wont let go xx

Mommawolf Wed 01-Jan-20 09:29:41

Oh mommP I am so sorry for your loss as a vets wife I know how devastating this can be. I have seen DH in tears after helping a pet pass on. many he has seen grow from babies. For the families it's a loss that is undescribable take time to grieve no one ever really gets over it. If you have other dogs they will grieve as well my heart goes out to you.

jannxxx Wed 01-Jan-20 09:23:45

my wee dogs died age 18 and age 20 max the last one died on xmas eve, over 5 years ago, still miss them everyday, think of them often, and did for a while look after family's dogs when they were away. like grief when losing a person it differs, my mate just keeps getting another dog when the first one dies, not for me, i decided no more pets after having dogs all my life.

CarlyD7 Wed 01-Jan-20 09:20:25

I would definitely leave space for grieving Marley - I've known people rush out and get another dog, as though that's going to solve anything and it doesn't, and it's not fair on the dog (who will be a completely different personality, even if it's the same breed). Give yourself time to have a good cry, look at photos, put her photo up and honour how much you loved her. We put our doggie's photo up next to the box with her ashes - until we were ready to scatter them (we did a little ceremony near the river where she loved to run, scattering the ashes on the water and throwing in some flowers too - it really did help). Then, when the grief subsides a little, it will be time to think about another dog. That's what worked for me.

polnan Wed 01-Jan-20 09:19:05

not read all the posts yet,, but days!!! months,, stretching on
some of our pets are a bit different, more than animal/human,,.. and only those of us who have had that wonderful experience know what I am speaking of..

wish I were young enough to have another dog,, but no, never replace them,, never the same... wait a little time before getting another dog/cat.. is my view, well for me..

Nanna58 Wed 01-Jan-20 09:18:24

I still grieve for each of my 4 lovely dogs that have gone, and will do for the two I have now, it’s the price we pay for the love they give , so even sad we still get the best of the deal. I , like a lot of the other posters always focus on the joy of having been able to alter their lives for the better, and see the hole in my life as an opportunity to do the same again for another ‘lost’ dog, that way two souls get to heal.

fatgran57 Wed 01-Jan-20 06:30:34

Weeping whilst reading this thread.

Our little girl (little grey cat) died 14 weeks ago this Friday.

It is almost unbearable, her death really almost broke me. We have had many pets over the years ans
d loved them all and remember them all, but this little one - it is so hard,

She was with us for 18 years, we said to the children she was with us at home longer than you lot, as they left home at 17ish!

I have her picture as screensaver on my phone so see her every time I use the phone. It is a close up and I can see every bit of that fur and those dear little paws.

She is buried not far from our back door near a seat she loved to sit on.

We talk about her every day and miss her so very much.

Grief is the price you pay for loving and I grieve and love very much.

MommaP the dreadful pain will ease a little but the sadness will remain. It becomes a part of your life - isn't it strange how they have stopped and we go on if you know what I mean.

grannysyb Tue 31-Dec-19 13:53:57

Still miss, and talk to my lovely girls, all Danes but each one different from the one before. Our last one was put to sleep by my DH five years ago, I think this might be the year we finally crack and get another dog. I would have to do all the walks as DHs sciatica doesn't let him walk far.

blondenana Tue 31-Dec-19 13:40:33

So sorry for your loss, my lovely lola went to forever sleep in August and i still get upset looking at her photos, and ashes i have in a heart shaped box with her name on
I also have a little picture of her on a fob on my key ring so she goes everywhere with me when i'm out

sarahellenwhitney Tue 31-Dec-19 13:33:40

I share your grief and truly believe you never stop grieving but as time goes by life becomes easier in coping life without your pet.It can help to ease the pain by having another pet as somewhere there awaits another life for whom you can give the love given to the pet you lost. The Blue Cross have a website and display, on line, pets needing homes.Not only do they rehome but have a bereavement service which helps in adjusting to life following the loss of a pet.

lavenderzen Tue 31-Dec-19 13:18:16

I am so sorry to read about your loss of Marley. We love them so much, don't we, they are such a huge part of our lives. I lost my lovely dog earlier this year, he had been poorly for a long time, and he told me when he was too tired just by his eyes.

I don't think you truly get over them tbh. I have a photo of him that goes with me everywhere, he came to Tesco's store this morning with me.

I have had many dogs in my life time, I remember them all, and as time goes on you do start to think about all the happy times you shared. One particular one, Bertie, was a rescue and although we had another one within four months I still cried every night for him for a very long time. It did get easier.

You will remember all the happy times and not cry as much in time but let your tears flow. There is a space in your life for another one, and you have lots of love to give.

I have another one now, a younger springer cross, who is such a handful but it has helped me.

Do things slowly you will know when it is time for another one to enter your life.

Take care flowers

Yehbutnobut Tue 31-Dec-19 13:14:20

I’m still mourning a very special dog almost two years later. Having brought a rescue dog into the home has helped a lot as I want to give this poor mistreated boy the same happy life my old dog had,

Seeing the rescue learn to trust and love us is very humbling and healing.

EllanVannin Tue 31-Dec-19 12:50:45

For the rest of your life each time you think about the pet. As you get older the loss is still as great, even with the replacement of other pets. You never forget them.