11 year old grandson grieving over sudden death of dog.

What’s gps
Unfortunately pets do die and I think it’s a good way of children learning that nothing lives for ever
Personally I would think the least you make of it the better I m sure it will settle its self down given time
11 is an age of change often the start of puberty and changing schools etc I wouldn’t try explaining anything else, you have done it once and I m sure you did it well hopefully he will move on soon he sounds a sensitive lad and it could be about something else altogether or a combination of changes in his life

Hi BlueBelle . My dog a gsp was a German shorthaired pointer. Yes I do think there must be something else going on in his life. As you say if I keep going over it all again it would probably make matters worse. He has been away at boarding school since last September —- a big adjustment needed there I suspect.

This is very sad for you both Rio and I'm sending heartfelt condolences to you. Did the therapist offer any advice about helping your grandson? I think that the more we can bring ourselves to talk about a loss, as in deceased loved one or pet, it keeps them alive in our hearts. Share pictures and happy memories with your grandson as frequently as you can without being maudlin or too whistful. Introduce him, with owner's permission, to other dogs when you're out with him and if it's the right time or thing to do, when the time of mourning is less acute, maybe rescue a dog and involve your dear grandson in the process of choice. My heart goes out to you both but it's only right to mourn your GSd out of respect for the joy your dear doggy brought to your family. I hope your young one will soon feel better and more relaxed. Hugs to him and you.

He leaves home to go to boarding school then while he is away his grandmother's pet dog dies suddenly. He must feel unsure and uncertain as his life at home starts crumbling after he leaves it. He is probably afraid of what can happen next.

less said about the dog the better, just concentrate about reassuring him that everybody else around him still loves him and cares for him.

Oh dear, I had no idea boarding school was involved in this post. Your sweet boy has got so much to adjust to as did my daughter when she left home for boarding school at 12. His "picture" of home was complete with a dear dog featured in it. Now it's rather different. Lots of reassuring and a relaxed Easter break might help his sadness. Poor lad ...losing a beloved pet is sad. My OH still mourns our loss nearly two years ago but we've rescued a little Boxer bitch and she's brought great joy to us.

Goodness I would think his nervousness is much more associated with boarding school at 11 than anything else although of course the death of a pet will only add to his sensitivity and nervousness
Did he want to go to boarding school ? It doesn’t suit every child by a long chalk

Rio24 At 11 years old, most children are anxious about starting "big" school anyway, but your grandson has been sent away from home to boarding school, which is a huge change for him, and I think that has perhaps had far more of an impact on him than anything else. Is he happy being away from his parents?

Can I ask, was he seeing a child therapist prior to the loss of the dog, or has this only happened since!

Sorry, didn't mean ! meant ?

Our son was 10 when our beloved black lab died.
He had never known life without Bilko our beautiful dog.
He was totally bereft, he slept with one of Bilko’s old toys and didn’t eat for days.
I was beside myself as this was beyond our control.
Eventually he came to terms with it but looking back it was the first death he had experienced that truly affected him.

Why is he at boarding school? Not of a family where this would ever be an option but have colleagues who were Forces children and had to go for senior school. Sounds like a huge change for him anyway. Don't understand the abbreviations so can anyone explain them?
I would expect that if he has the picture of you with the dog and now the dog has died then he might be thinking if a dog can die then so can Granny, Mummy, Daddy and what does dying mean. I get sent away then someone in my my family is gone so who will be gone next? It's hard for children who are at home to adjust and understand but if you are away from loved ones must be inconceivable to be able to comprehend. I don't think describing euthanasia to a child is the best way to explain death as it is complex for an adult to understand.

I think I would have said dog was very ill and in a lot of pain and vet gave dog painkillers to help but dog was so ill that he died and we are all very sad but dog is not sore anymore. Or words like that.
Don't know what was said but maybe he is grieving not being at home, not having parents to comfort him, maybe not fitting in, bullying, loss of dog and new circumstances to deal with. Sorry but watched a series about children being sent to boarding school and was not impressed.

I think that at eleven years old Rio's grandson is able to understand the concept of euthanasia and does not need babyish evasions. Unfortunately the dog's death coincided with a big life change for him and it will take time for him to come to terms with both. We cannot protect children from life events but we can help them to deal with things. Boarding school is a good option for a lot of children and I am surprised at the level of criticism here. Talk to your grandson Rio and with his parents to ensure he has help to deal with all this.

Children often reflect our own reactions and worries. We should always be calm and matter-of-fact about things, including death.

I don't see any point in dragging it up again after so much time. The best way to 'help him' is to behave as normal, not to focus on presumed anxiety.

I can’t help feeling the dog is a bit of a red herring or an add on to his sadness
The boarding school would be what I concentrated on
Did he have to go to boarding school ? Did he want to go? are there siblings still at home with mum and dad? has he left best friends behind ?Does he seem happy there? Could he being picked on? Left out? Does he talk about it positively is he talkative about events, new friends, fun things they get up to , these are what I would concentrate on
Boarding school doesn’t suit every child and the anxiety of being ‘sent away’ from home in my opinion is much more likely to have caused a nervous cough and facial tics although the death of the much loved dog would certainly add to his sadness

I also think that it's probably being sent away that had more to do with his behaviour change. I did think that it happened so much nowadays.

Just to say I’ve read all of your comments and appreciate the time spent to reply to my query. Thank you all! ?

you could always say that your doggy was old and ill and that you didnt want him to be in anymore pain. show him the rainbow bridge poem ,also get a photo of your doggie .so he can see what happens to your pet after he/she dies. the poem does help .just had my cat put to sleep 3 weeks ago..had many cats but they each special to me.

or maybe theres an underlying problem .maybe at school or at home.they do have councillors at school. i would talk to his parents and the councillors....and try and fill his life with a bit more enjoyment.football/swimming /outings to a farm...or get another doggy..visit a local animal trust....

German Shorthaired Pointer?

So do you feel any differently about your grandsons problems Rio ?
You have thanked us for our reply’s but not come up with anything about your resolutions of how it may be dealt with it’s like we ve all been politely dumped
Are you or rather his parents going to forget the dog and try and work out what’s happening at school Although on second thoughts he s probably home now as I guess boarding schools have closed for the foreseeable future so it will be interesting to see if his problems re the tic and nervous cough clear up