recovering from betrayal.is it possible?

Daisyanswerdo and anyone else that is going through a traumatic time.

Please don't think you are to blame for what has happened. I myself am recovering from a deceiving man. You can and will come out of this with your head held high. Maintain your dignity, as I have, and as time goes on you will get stronger and stronger. I am now at the stage where I am for once receiving good news. I have found my own place and have my own money, albeit very tight, but I am now destiny to my own choices. Also I have filed for divorce, paperwork now signed and awaiting to go to post back to my solicitor. My soon to be ex husband is now in turmoil because of this and is being very nice to me, saying he is so sorry for the hurt he has caused me, and I am the best thing he has ever lost, and will regret his actions for the rest of his life. I have gained strength from this by saying to him that it's too late and he should think in his future life who he hurts. I just turned and walked away leaving him stunned and crying. Onwards and upwards for me. Maybe one day I will find someone who deserves what I can give, but I won't hold my breath. The future is all about me and the decisions I make. Cry when you have to, it's a good way to release the tension. God knows how hard I have cried over my ex, and will always love the man I fell in love with, but you only get one go at life, so make it count. You are strong and one day you will stand tall and say "I came out the other side". I am getting there, but still a long way to go. Give yourself a break, you are stronger than you think. I never thought I could manage without him, but I am amazing myself with what I can now do and still achieve.
Thanks to all my friends on here, you have been the most amazing of people I have had the pleasure of talking to.
Love to you all. Xx

Anagram! I do, most of the time - just had a wobble today and you have all been so kind.

Daisy! Keep your head held high - it can happen to anyone.

Thank you all. I know I'm not good at asking for help, but I did go to the CAB in desperation when I lived in Dorset. I need to go to the local one now I've moved and ask them to contact the creditors again, on my behalf. And I just hate sensing that everyone's thinking how stupid and gullible she must be, it's so hard to live with!

On a positive note, it's my birthday this weekend and I've been invited to dinner with both my sons and their families. Hooray .

Apologies, glass Got it now. I have pm'd daisy with the information I've put in that last post. Message to anyone with similar problems: get help. Creditors and debt recovery agencies (ie bailiffs) are far more ruthless than they once were and think nothing of ringing up at all hours to harass people whom they know are vulnerable.

Annobel just checked seems to have sent, must be some where in the ether, but you here now so its all sorted.

glass, I can't find any trace of a pm from you. However, yes, I am a CAB volunteer. We are inundated with debt issues these days! I'd advise daisy to get in touch with her local CAB where a repayment plan can be worked out. Creditors are offered sometimes no more than token payments, on the basis of what money the client has available after all her outgoings are taken into consideration. Another thing the Bureau will do for her is to sort out what, if any, benefits she can claim. Age UK will also help with debt advice, but I think CAB probably has more resources.

Thanks nag

Welcome back, glass!

nag unless I have missed something and she has left but this last 2month I have been on another planet.

Good idea jeni all the girls have or know how to access help when needed it is so reasuring isn't it.

Oh I see! Sorry - I know annobel always gives the most excellent advice, but I hadn't realised she actually worked at the CAB!

nag annobel is working with the CAB at the mo, but when is full of good advice.

I was thinking more of when.

Ah! Couldn't think who our cab expert was. Makes you wonder if something like an accessable list might be an idea?
What do you all think?

I have Sent Annobel a pm jeni.

Can somebody pm her for daisy?

daisy agreed here! there is a very knowledgeable lady on here who will put you in the right direction she will pop up soon,the CAB can help you in this matter and arrange to have contact with the creditors in your place that way removing all the pressure from you.Keep strong and keep in touch with everyone on GN.((hugs))

daisy you trusted and loved him nothing daft in that, but he has not been honorable with you!

As green said a Lady will pop up soon with some very good advice, but I would say try to get an arrangement with the debtors, I have a friend who got into similar difficulties and is using the Consumer Credit Counselling Service, its a charity and so no charge, they will sort out a debt management plan or IVA but dont put any charges on as a Commercial Company would do.

gran7 , Daisyanswerdo & nemonan

It takes time to recover from the shock of betrayal & / or end of a relationship and emotions are same as for bereavement in my experience. Remember you
can live a full and happy life without your OH because you are strong and wonderful women. Ask for support and help from friends and professionals. That is a sign of strength not weakness. Sending any GNrs coping with deceit and betrayal lots positive thoughts and support x

I echo Sewsilver's comments, Daisyanswerdo. Can you find any advice from CAB or somewhere? (I know there's a lady on here that knows a lot about CAB).

Daisy you're not at all daft to have given your love and trust. He just didnt deserve you. It sounds as if you are being strong and starting to sort things out. Remember, you have lots of support here and we will be less hard on you than you are being on yourself.good luck

I've been reading but not posting, not finding it easy to express day to day emotions. This afternoon I need to calm down. I have been left with huge debts run up on my cards by the man who conned me (how could you be so daft, I hear you say? Well, I loved him and I trusted him. Nothing can change that fact.) Now and then one of the creditors contacts me with more or less threatening letters. I am paying the debts off with very small monthly amounts, but of course they want more, and when I contact them, as I had to this afternoon, I try to stay calm but always fail and get tearful and defensive. I wish I didn't. When the call is over I'm shaking with the reminder all over again of what's happened and feeling I should have stayed calm and been stronger. I was hoping that as time passed I would get better at coping, but at the moment there's not much sign of that happening. Yes Greatnan - I agree - anger helps, though I'm afraid of being angry - early influences, it's bad to be angry - etc.

My heart goes out to the grans on this thread who have been betrayed and treated so terribly. Particularly when it happens at later stages in life, it just seems outrageous. Thank goodness for the support here.

Nemonan - I spent the first few weeks after receiving my daughter's completely unexpected hate-filled letter thinking of her nearly every minute of the day. I couldn't sleep and spent all my long walks composing letters to her. I tried writing a loving letter to her which resulted in only further ludicrous accusation. No longer that I stole from her, but just that I took back part of the money I lent her. Having been reassured by my other daughter, her children and my sister, who all know what I have done for her, I decided that I could not let her ruin the rest of my life. Whenever I started to slip towards the edge of the black hole of obsessing about her, I would pull away.
Day by day, the wound began to heal and now I can go a whole day without giving her more than a brief thought. From what her eldest daughter posts on her Facebook page, she seems to be doing all right, although she has spent most of her £350,000 damages in 18 months.
I have buried my grief and I am happy again. Sometimes I feel angry and that also helps.
Perhaps we need to go through that first phase of breakdown before we start to recover.
It will get better, I promise you.