RE: Older women with younger men

fancyface , your friend is not being a friend. If the rest of them support you, why listen to the dissident voices. Good luck to you.

fancyface has your friend got a touch of I think so,you do what is right for you and if the heart says OK then go ahead and enjoy your life with your man.

You don't say what the age gap is. I've had 2 relationships where the man was 9 years younger than me and eventually the cracks began to show. But if it feels right for you, then go with it or else you'll never know what might have been!

Thank you for your positive responses. I have known my friend for several years and we behave like 'sisters', throughout the years we have supported each other through all types of challenges. I know that she has my interest but equally she is jealous and words cannot express how unhappy I am by her 'hurtful'. My friend has never met this man but her comments, for example, she asked me, How could I have sex with a 'boy' ,(he is 40yrs) and that the thought of me having sex with him make her feel sick. she further stated that he will leave me as I age because she has known several women my age that had younger men and these men was 'laughing' behind the women backs. My man does not have money to give me but my friend is of the school that believe 'Men ' must give 'money' in her words i am giving him my 'body free'..because she has always received money from her men.
My man does not live in the U.K so we are only together when i am abroad and because he eat at My home she said i am paying him to have 'sex' with me.
I did not go looking for a relationship with him, and spent several months pushing him away but we were drawn to each other. When we are together he does what he can to help me in my home and we are happy together. In the early stage we had misunderstandings because I am a professional woman and his education was interrupted,I talk a lot and he does not,but has grown in his thinking and attitude. When I am in U.K we text and talk frequently and the content of this communication assures me that he 'misses' me and of his 'love' for me, but I am unhappy as a result of my friend comments because she has created doubt about him in my mind. She said that I have allowed a 'boy' to come between 'our' friendship and when he 'hurt' me and 'leave' me as he surly will, she will not be around to pick me up. She has made me scared and full of doubt and I am very unhappy and confused. I live alone and I am very lonely. Sometimes i do wonder if i should do as she say and find a man my own 'age' .

he is 40 years. I am a younger 59 yrs. friends and strangers put my age late 40.
health is good except for a joint pains. I am a fun person to be with , as stated by male/female friends

The only people whose opinions matter are yours and your man friend. The only fact that would make me hesitate is if he were hoping to become a British citizen by marrying you - is this something your friend might be thinking too?
There are many instances of couples with such an age gap being very happy and nobody would think twice if the man were twenty years older.

She is no friend if she says she would not be around to pick up the pieces if things did not work out.
You do not mention the man's nationality, but I wonder if your friend feels you are being used to get around immigration laws. If there are no such suspicions then why not go for it. Even if you worry that it may not last it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

Thanks for your comment. I hope to live with him in Ghana and yes, he would like to visit U.K and other countries .....at some point. We will marry in tradition custom so that would rule out him applying to b a British Citizen.

I would say to anyone who falls for a younger/older person, that if works for you, then go for it! I met my husband when I was 46, he was 33.When our relationship became public knowledge, friends dropped away like dead flies. Each "side " thought that their friend was being used or made a fool of. Most people gave us six months to come to our senses. We had come to our senses! We knew very quickly(3 weeks) that this was going to be a great union.
When I was 47 I had a son, who is the apple of his Father's eye. He is his only child. We have been married over 20 years, hate being apart, even for a short time, and are so in tune, we know what each other is thinking and sometimes finish each others sentences.

If we had taken our friends advice and gone our separate ways we would have missed out on so many happy times, and I would have lost the love of a wonderful man and a lovely son.

In the end it is your life, and you are the one who has to live it every day. Happiness is a great thing, don't miss out !!

I don,t wish to upset you fancyface or hurt your feelings but as you have asked for advice/opinions I'll give you mine. I would think long and hard about uprooting yourself and going to live in Ghana with a man you hardly know, you say you are lonely, are you letting your heart rule your head and letting common sense go out the window. I think you should be asking yourself some serious questions, you might not like the answers, why hasn't he met someone his own age in Ghana? You obviously have money does he see you as a meal ticket? What happens if it all goes wrong in Ghana will you be able to come back home? You say he would like to visit the UK and other countries I bet he would if you're paying! I say beware you hear of lots of lonely women being scammed.

Is he angling for British citizenship is what would cross my mind!

fancyface I would not marry him and please don't send him money. It is a known fact that this type of thing goes on all the time in Ghana. Just google Ghana marriage scams and also read this link, please! www.wymoo.com/countries/fraud-zones/

Oh fancyface I so wish to say "Carry on if that's what you want" but unfortunately, it's not just the fact that your gentleman friend is 20 years younger (rather a large age gap) but the fact that he comes from a country notorious for marrying older British women for the chance of citizenship. Still this maybe not be so in your case, just be careful and be aware. Otherwise good luck, life is too short to worry about other people's opinions!

I have been with my other half for nearly 9 years,he is 38,I am59,in many peoples eyes this does not seem right,but as a couple-we live together as man and wife-we bring up my grandaughter,I too have questioned why he is with me,but as a couple we compliment each others strengths and weaknesses,he is my rock,and I am his,we both bring different things to the relationship which is based on communication....enjoy your relationship but be cautious about money ,have experience of my daughters mixed race relationships to know sometimes a cultral difference is harder than an age difference.....good luck enjoy but be aware and not gulliblexxx

My daughter is eight years older than her husband and when they met he was only 24. She had four children already - the eldest was 12. They have now been married for 16 years and have had two more children. He has been the most wonderful partner and stepfather and his parents accepted the whole family with open arms.
My ex husband was only five years older than me, but he was born elderly and was so damned predictable.
Unless either party wants children, I don't think an age gap matters except to other people, but in the case of the OP there are so many other factors to consider, such as the differences in status, finance, culture and education.

Sorry, but all sorts of alarm bells are ringing here.

agreee with greatnan age is a state of mind...have met and worked with all sorts,you can have some really old youngtsters and some really young oldsters,would also agree about caution,and the fact of asking for opinions maybe says that you are questioning the 'rightness' of the situation..xx

I agree phoenix now that we have been told a bit more.

Now more information has come out I would say be very careful,men in these countries have been known to play the long game when it comes to gaining a foreign ladys trust.Just be very careful xx

So, is a traditonal custom marriage undertaken in Ghana, not recognised in the UK? Is that why Fancyface is saying that it rules him out of applying for uk citizenship?

I think he could only visit for up to six months unless the marriage was a registered one, and Fancyface seems to be saying that it wouldn't be.

I think it's likely that he just wants to marry her and live in Ghana, and not after uk citizenship.

I mean 'and he is not just after uk citizenship' (excuse the grammar!)

I don't think it has anything to do with age, lots of couples have great relationships with an age gap. But this man is from Ghana, a country where this type of thing is rife and he is 20 years younger. Fancyface how well do you know him, do you know his friends, his family, how much money he earns, etc etc? I think your friend has your best interest at heart, I am sure I would not in a million years be jealous of my friend marrying a stranger from another country, but I would be extremely concerned if I thought she was being conned and possibly in danger. https://www.google.com/search?source=ig&hl=en&rlz=1G1TSAUCENAU361&q=married+a+man+younger+from+ghana&oq=married+a+man+younger+from+ghana&aq=f&aqi=&aql=&gs_l=igoogle.12...177l5208l0l7193l20l20l0l15l0l0l328l770l2-2j1l3l0.#hl=en&rlz=1G1TSAUCENAU361&sclient=psy-ab&q=police+caution+scam+marriages+men+from+ghana&oq=police+caution+scam+marriages+men+from+ghana&aq=f&aqi=&aql=1&gs_l=serp.12...4066l19388l0l21339l36l30l6l0l0l14l258l6640l2-30l42l0.efis.1.&pbx=1&bav=on.2,or.r_gc.r_pw.r_qf.,cf.osb&fp=8be7594ea83444e4&biw=1138&bih=555

Proceed with great caution fancyface your friend may actually be looking out for you and be a better friend than you appreciate.

I'm younger than my other half, we've been together for donkey's years and couldn't be happier. I'd normally say, "go for it, girl", but I would be slightly wary of the circumstances that you're talking about. But, heh, life's a gamble!