Before we die, should we make an effort to catch up with old friends?

I think you know when you have good friends even if you have only known them a short while ,its just an instinct that a person has regarding relationships.Friends that I knew at school over 50yrs ago ring every now and then and I know when I see them it is a case of "Hi how are you" and then on for a coffee and catch up always knowing that those friends will be there for you if you ever have a major problem or emergency.

Sometimes there is a very good reason why friends have not kept in touch and the relationship needs to be allowed to die with dignity. The true friend is the one who picks up where you left off however many years ago as if had been yesterday you last saw each other. This is why websites like Friends Reunited promise so much more than they can deliver.
However, I wish you good luck and hope that your friendship is rekindled!

After a pal's 60th birthday party in 2010 I made the effort to stay in contact with several old friends last seen in the 1970s .. After one or two meet-ups I began to realize why we had all drifted apart over the intervening years .. we were not the same people we once were, and now had very little in common .. the majority of these 're-associations' were very short lived, and I don't think I'll be trying this particular enterprise again .. I wish you better fortune in your encounters with old friends.

snapshot, I agree. Life's experiences can change people from what they were to what they become. I contacted a school-friend via Friends Reunited, and thought we could pick up more or less where we left off, but of course, that really didn't work out and we now only exchange Christmas cards. I've been trying to decide whether to attend a reunion at my old school. However, I've realised that the amount that the 'organisers' (whom I believe, have become very well-heeled!) aren't the same people I used to be friendly with while at school. I tended not to have 'well-heeled' friends! The cost of attending the reunion is £25.....rather a lot, I think, for a buffet lunch. Also, although I've asked who will be attending, so that I won't be standing there like 'Annie-no-mates', with none of my old school-friends to chat to, the list of attendees isn't forthcoming......so, I won't go, I don't think.

I went to a couple of medical school reunions. I wasn't impressed it had been obvious when young who were going to be the smarmy rich gynaecologists and who the academics and who the plodders like me! I felt it was like seeing exaggerated caricatures of what we were . I haven't been since!

I have absolutely no desire to get back in touch with friends from the past. We are no longer the same people and very probably have little in common. That's one reason why I am not on Facebook – I don't care what someone I knew 50 years ago is doing and cannot imagine that they could possibly care what I am doing. I am lucky and very blessed with current friends – some of whom I have known for decades and some of whom are more recent figures in my life.

I did not keep up with many school friends as I socialised more with my DH (then boyfriend) friends. These friends and another group of friends made since we got married in the early 70s are the people we regularly socialise with and can call on in emergencies and vice versa.
But 11 years ago I helped to organise a school reunion and since then have rekindled a friendship which is mostly maintained via daily internet contact as we now live at opposite ends of the country but we try to meet up whenever possible. We still have a slightly 'competitive 'edge' to our friendship (we both wanted to be top in English lessons!!) but enjoy each others' company /soh and can share niggles /concerns etc which is sometimes more difficult with friends shared with DH!

Coincidentally, tomorrow I am going to a reunion of old colleagues from my Kenya days. We have these every couple of years and it's wonderful to see how well most of us are surviving! Yes, we have, sadly, lost three good friends over the years, but we are wearing pretty well in our 70s and 80s, and still have those years (in the 1960s) in common, even though our lives have diverged in many different directions.

I was more curious, I think! However, you're probably right, jeni. And there's always a reason why you don't keep up with certain people that you've met in your life, isn't there? You (and they) aren't that interested!

I really don't have many friends these days .. and certainly only two I would consider as close .. but I shan't 'bust a gut' trying to revive any old alliances .. I do have acquaintances at my rugger club, but none that I see socially outside of that sphere .. for as long as I can recall I have maintained a 'wall' around myself allowing access to my inner sanctum to very few indeed .. I think I've been the architect of my own solitude, and yes I do feel lonely at times, but it's how I've been for the whole of my life .. and it's probably how I'll remain.

Friendship has SHARING at the centre of it. Once we stop sharing, we lose our friends because there isn't much to connect with. That's why looking up old friends is never really a good idea because friendships break for a key reason: through personal evolution, and new priorities and perspectives. That's why no broken friendship can really revert back to how it was. The two people would have changed in many ways, and would certainly have developed different needs. If we are developing year to year, with accumulating knowledge and experience, it means that the friends we had when we were younger and more 'innocent' would not really satisfy our more mature needs as we advance, unless they are evolving in a very similar way too.

snapshot I do think that patterns of friendship are based in childhood. Some kids have loads of friends and move easily between different groups e.g. sporty, drama, fashion etc quite happily but may not have a 'special' friend. Others have one or two pals they stick with etc. I do not think this changes much as we grow up it is just the way we are!

Oh dear, am I the only one who has got in touch with old friends and its working? Some years ago a friend from school contacted me and we have met up a couple of times as we don't live too close and we get on really well, we email quite a lot. I contacted another old friend and we meet up half way between our homes and are getting closer and closer.

Maybe if you still live in the same area and have lost touch you have nothing in common but if you have moved around a lot and been busy with family it is understandabel that you might lose touch. Now that we are all in our 60s we have more time and is working well.

I would like to meet 2 old friends that I knew in primary school if I could find them. Does anyone think a thread on finding people would be a good idea?

AlisonMA No.

No Alison you are not the only one who has regained contact with old friends and it has been a success. I had always maintained contact with two friends from school but lost touch with the rest of our very close gang of eight. Around ten years ago, through the persistence of one old friend, we 'found' J, another one of our number and we had some lovely get togethers both in the UK and abroad. Sadly J became ill with cancer and died 5 years ago. We were able to be around to try to support her through her illness and it has been a great source of comfort to have some happy memories to treasure.

It didn't end there - her illness brought another 3 of the old gang into phone contact and we were together at her funeral. A year later the last one was traced and we had a get together - only seven of us now alas. We are currently planning another meet up later this year. The ones I had lost contact with have changed of course, as have I, but the more time we spend together the more we begin to look like the girls we once were. They are like my family; in my heart if not constantly in my life

nightowl I'm so glad I am not alone. My relationships with old friends have changed because we all have but whatever it was at that time which made us like each other still seems to be there. Our lives have run in very different directions but we still get on well.

For those concerened about school reunions I went to my first one last year and everyone was very friendly even when we didn't remember each other so I don't think you would feel alone.

Alison I haven't managed that yet but I would definitely go to one if I had the chance. The other thing I loved about finding old friends was that they reminded me of things I had completely forgotten - lots of lovely memories that came back to me. For an only child like me, with very few relatives left, it is wonderful to be able to share those things again.

Oh - now I'm wondering if I should just go to the reunion......might just see someone that I knew and liked! Like you,*nightowl*, I have no siblings and my parents are both dead now. A couple of cousins far away, but that's all.
Shall I, shan't I....!

I would green, my 'new' old friends have enriched my life. What have you got to lose???

I keep in touch with school friends, college [various] friends, work colleagues, friends where we used to live. It's really nice that although we meet only intermittently and I'm closer to some than others we carry on from where we left off. I think it's given continuity to my life.

Yes green - go to the reunion, what have you got to lose. And tell us about it afterwards!

I met up with an old friend who I had known since I was 2 years old - we were neighbours. We lost contact when I was 13, and were reunited (via Friends Reunited) over 40 years later. That was 10 years ago, and we feel as though we have never been apart. We are very good friends and really cherish our friendship.

Another friend who I made tentative contact with proved to have changed beyond recognition and we had nothing in common, despite our teenage years being spent together having a great time. I backed away quietly.

We all change as we get older, sometimes we keep along our parallel paths and sometimes we go off in different directions, but surely it's worth finding out whether there is a mutual friendship still there?

Yes, yogagran that's what I thought but when I received several emails advocating drunken girlie weekends in Benidorm, and bragging about the flash car she had, I realised that we wouldn't gel it we tried!