Denied Contact with Grandchildren - August 2012 onwards....

Crimson

crimson and grannya great news for you both

crimson ((((hugs))))

Having not slept much last night and cried most of this afternoon [and, for the first time ever, and this includes my marriage breaking up, feeling that I couldn't cope with my first day back at work tomorrow] I've had a positive email from my daughter. Thank you so much for your love and support, ladies. I can now look forward even more to out Brum meet up, as I was worrying that I would be a real misery by then .

GA How wonderful for you. Let's hope the door is beginning to open for you.

ga how nice [smile*

Great news ga. I'm delighted for you

Good luck jintzy. I hope things work out for you

Oh Grannyactivist , perhaps things are on the mend .

Today is my birthday and I received an unexpected gift; a photocard from my three lovely grandchildren - the youngest is five years old and I've never seen her - I'm so delighted and surprised!

Ignore last line of previous message - I googled it.WOW does my son fit the profile of the abuser/loser!!!! I now see that writing to the DIL in the way I have would do no good, so won't post it.....maybe just a line or two giving news of family - no, too much jealousy there - wishing luck to grandson on starting new school? No, as they may have to take him away and told him its all our fault.....oh dear, back to the drawing board.

Suebeck I have only just read your terrible story and it brings it home how powerful these abusive men are, as you say, charming and charismatic publicly and controlling bullies at home. Something must be done, but what? Yes, Stockhome Syndrom, my DIL and boys adore and are frightened in equal measure of my son. Everything he does is put down to 'Daddie's illness' [MS] but as his mother I have known how manipulative he is from the age of 13.
I know we have to walk away & make some sort of a life for ourselves without the GC - our mistake was to give them everything, putting them first, and now left with this huge hole. Thank God you have good friends and your lovely dog to comfort you - and you have all of us too.
where can I find these articles by Joe Carver?

my heart bleeds for you Mamaria, what torture to have them so near and yet locked away from you. I am in the same position [my thread 'greedy children want our house] with them just round the corner. I have written to my DIL reminding her of her promise never to keep the boys away from me, will deliver it to her place of work. I have little hope though at least I will have tried every avenue. Your SIL sounds like my son, a control freak, and the family are terrified of him.All this worry is so bad for you in your state of health - it sounds as though like me you put all your eggs in one basket and now feel left with nothing, so, so sad. If your D works, or goes to playgroup or anywhere public, could you arrange to waylay her there & shame her into speaking? I lie awake at night trying to get around this horrible situation and if I come up with anything you'll be the first to know - that applies to you all on Gransnet - we must support one another....since I found this site I don't feel so alone.

Whatever happened to the tradition that young adults showed respect for their parents and passed this on to their children in turn? My grandparents did very little for us and absolutely nothing with us but I loved them and have always valued the part they played in my life. They lived about 90 miles away from us, so we dutifully and happily piled in the car every couple of months to visit them. When they visited us, we gave up our bedrooms to accommodate them and treated them with respect and reverence. I don't understand why things have changed so very much.

One sometimes feels despair at the human race reading this thread. the only hope is the generation of deprived GCs will nurture their children's great grandparents and perhaps some healing will take place.

My heart goes out to you all.
In 1999 my ex-DIL denied our son acess to their three daughters because she did not like his then girlfriend.This meant we did not see the children either and it broke my heart.
After two years of going back and forward to solicitors and finally a court hearing, he got acess again.The girls are now aged 20,18 and 16.The younger one lives with us(and her father, his second wife and their two children).
It was her choice following a differance of opinion with her mother.The two eldest visit regularly.
I hope all who cannot see their grandchildren soon get to see them again.It is heartbreaking.

we have the sadness of knowing our little grand daughter starts school next week and not seen her since she was 9 months old, she was 4 in June.

We have today bought her a little good luck card and a few pencils and fun bits to send to her.

it is really tearing me apart but there is nothing more I can do.

That's wonderful to hear Maniac, something good has come from something sad.
Glad to hear about his job too.

You may remember my posting in June re Olympic tickets for my son/grandson which were spurned/rejected by ex DIL and partner.
My son gave one set to my DD/GD in Cheshire daughter.They had a 'fab' weekend in London.Saw Volleyball and (a bonus)men's cycling road race. My son took a friend's son (his dad was working as a volunteer)to Trampolining.The last pair he offered free on FB. One of his choir friends suggested a mum/son she knew would benefit.
Last night My son showed me with some emotion 2 lovely postcards passed on to him from the mother and son.They both had a most wonderful time at the Olympic Stadium ,stayed overnight with family in London and had an experience they could not have considered or afforded.
I'm glad that so much pleasure has come from what was a sad and frustrating situation.My son feels the same.
P.S. His new job is going well .

it seems to be a very common thing from what I gather if you go to court to try and get contact order to see you grand children then the son/daughter or inlaws will try to indicate you are mentally unstable.

My daughter I am ashamed to say said they would insist I saw a physciatrist which I would have not problem with as it would make her look a fool apparently my solicitor said I would have to pay for it!

We have not got to that stage but so feel for you Suebeck that is was so unpleasant for you.

we can only live from day to day and focus on the positives in our lives
big hugs xxx

suebeck my heart goes out to you ((hugs)) I just don't understand why men feel the need to control as they do,is there no chance you can get in touch with your SILs parents and explain the situation are they aware how their son is behaving ?

Suebeck so sorry to hear of all your troubles , try to be strong .

susiebeck, I have no words for your predicament, just ((((hugs)))), x x.

Ella 46 Yes it is absolutely heartbreaking. I live on my own (apart from my beautiful Golden Retriever), so at times my mind goes round and round with this. Fortunately I have really good friends who have listened to me and supported me. The last words from one of my grandchildren were "mama mama please dont go I will never see you again". She was six at the time. Later in the schoolyard she said " I love you so much Mama, but I am not allowed to speak to you any more"! Horrendous. I found the articles by Dr Joe Carver Psychiatrist very helpful, particularly "Dating a Loser" Love and the Stockholm Syndrome", as my beautiful daughter has been abusive to me. Dr Carver explained why. She was once my greatest friend, a kind, loving daughter. Also Tears and Healing is another good book. I believe that knowledge is power. Without my friends and my dog, I think that I would have had a nervous breakdown, but I wont let him beat me down.

suebeck that is heartbreaking.
I don't know what to say or how you all bear this

Anne and Graham. During the Court proceedings my sil sat and lied about me, saying that I had mental health problems and his opinion (sil) unless I saw a Psychiatrist I would never see my granddaughters again. Both the Magistrate and
the man from Social Services looked horrified at this, as was I. I have a good career and am certainly not insane. My sil had also managed to get an appointment at my Surgery (not his) trying to convince my GP also. She phoned me to ask what was going on, she knew that something was not right with this. She felt that it was preconceived on his part, and utter nonsense. In Court I agreed to see a Psychiatrist as I felt that I was being blackmailed, and I would do anything to see my grandchildren. I was advised not to go ahead with this, as my sil could then say that I had had to see a Psychiatrist, and so could build a case against me. So, I therefore, changed my mind later, after the Hearing, and have just walked away from it all. I was also reported to the R.S.P.C.A, again false accusations, and I assume he had done that too. I think that sil is a sociopath, full of lies, deceit etc. charming, plausible, fraudulent. I have kept silent over the years, but seeing her health deteriorate. I cant do any more, I have tried everything, apologising for calling him a bully (which he is), no arguments, just his face in mine and walking towards me in a threatening manner and calling me insane. Fortunately I could keep calm, turn my back and walk away. When will it end? The worst part for me is this feeling of being in limbo. Love to you all who are going through this cruel behaviour.