Denied Contact with Grandchildren - August 2012 onwards....

It's my Big Day tomorrow. I'm off to scatter Mystery (dog) ashes under her tree in the local park, and I'm being accompanied by my three daughters - Mystery was the equivalent of Nana from Peter Pan to them. It's our first meeting since September last year, which didn't end favourably. (I haven't seen one of my grandchildren yet, and they will not be coming tomorrow). I
Feel so nervous. I hope they turn up and that they will be prepared to finally draw a line under all the nastiness of the last 14 months

I have just "lost" what I have just written. Celebgran and whenim64 this is to keep you both updated. Things were going well up until last Thursday when I was speaking with my beautiful daughter. I happened to say that I missed them all, and in particular my granddaughters. Her response has shaken me to the very core of my being and I feel dreadful. She said that the girls did not want to see me now. As you both know my sil assaulted me, called the Police to me, threatened me in my face, tried to convince my Doctor that I am a psychiatric case, which is rubbish as i have a wonderful career that has taken me all over the world. See my initial postings on here for more on this distressing situation. For the others it is over 4 years since I saw my granddaughters who are now 13 and 10. Anyhow after her cruel words Im afraid that I flipped because I was so terribly hurt. I had practically brought the girls up, who loved me dearly and I would see them everyday. This was stopped by sil abruptly and goodness knows how they have been affected. At the time the youngest who was then 6 was screaming for me not to leave their house, saying that she would never see me again. She also called to me over the school perimeter wall saying that she loved me very much but was not allowed to speak to me. It has been horrendous and I felt that I was making progress. The reason I am writing this is;;; I feel so bad about being cross with her on Thursday, something that I have never done before, but I was so devastated by it and said that I couldnt cope with being treated like a bad person when all I had ever done was to be kind and loving towards them all. I feel guilty at shouting, I dont have a temper but have been so provoked by this, constant belittling, and put downs that I couldnt take it. Please help me at this difficult time.. Im so scared that I have undone (all the good) by being angry. Hugs suebeck.

Hello Celebgran and thank you.
Oh dear how terrible for you! and unbelievable!
It is all a terrible strain and I have heard that a lot of grandparents in this situation have had a heart attack or a stroke!

I've just finished updating my 'opening statement' for the courts, I always feel better when I have been writing or talking about this horrid situation, and when I tell myself not to think,speak or write about it and have a day-off from it all(actually not possible), I actually feel worse and that seems to be when I can't sleep, so I feel I need to get it out of my brain in some way and then I've a chance of thinking about something more pleasant.

I've added on my 'O.S' that;
"I've been made to feel its a crime to love them, but it's not a crime, and no amount of cruelty done to me, will stop me loving them"

Keep strong yoga girl we actually received harassment warning and I was arrested for leaving present on step!

Still my oh refuses to apply for court order.

As he is 10 years older I do worry it may be too much upset.

Hope you sleep better tonight yoga girl!

Just to clear-up any confusion, I went on a spa w/e with my sister-in-law!(previous)

I am wondering what's happened to Suebeck and Mamaria?

I had another bad night last night, woke at 5, up at 6am, just really missing my daughter and my grandchildren Court date getting nearer, I'm wondering if they will turn up and if they do, what lies I'll be hearing about myself

I can't send a txt to my daughter, as you have done Suebeck, as she has changed her no. and I can't send an e-mail or I'll get an Harassment order.
I haven't actually received an Harassment order, just a threat of one, which is bad enough!

I showed this page to my daughter (the one that's been shut out as well)
She said "You've been on here a lot mum!" I said "yes, it makes me feel so much better when I can 'talk' about it, and to hear other stories the same or similar to mine.

I bought the book that (was it?) Manic recommended 'Grandparent solution' by Arthur Kornhaber, its very good and I will be adding to my 'opening statement' for the courts, the bit about; Grandchildren carry one-quarter of their grandparents genes! I do remember that fact but had forgotten it. This is especially pertinent, as my s.i.l's mum and dad and the rest of his family have free access to seeing my Laila and they are no blood or genes link to her what-so-ever, just his family!

MaMaria you will see my story, its the same as yours, I too was at the birth of both of my darling grandchildren and I too felt just like you when I was shut out 5mnths ago, I haven't seen them since and I too had said or done nothing wrong to either my daughter or my s.i.l

So sorry to hear your storyFlowerofthewest
My children's father left us when the littlest was just 3yrs old (the one we are having problems with now), we were in a foreign country, he left for another women. He never paid any maintenance from the day he left to now, the next winter after he left, he came round with a new cashmere coat and new shoes, I asked him to buy the children new winter coats as they had outgrown last years, and he just said "no" (no benefit payments there, so I had little money, apart from some sent by my family in the UK).
But even with all this I always let him see the children, as I knew it would hurt them as much as it would hurt him, and I never stopped his side of the family seeing the children. Consequently we are all still friendly, I went on a cruise with my s.i.l and m.i.l 2yrs back and went on a spa w/e the week before Easter with my s.i.l, friend and my daughter, and we quite often have Xmas dinner together!
I'm not too friendly still with my ex, but then he does live on the other side of the world now. He did make a surprise appearance at my son's graduation and my daughters wedding, which to be honest I wasn't happy about, as he'd never been there for them both financial or physically, but I kept quiet so as not to spoil their big days

Oh dear more sad stories!
I now know I am right to go to court as my son came down yesterday and when I had to leave for my evening work, my other daughter gave him a lift round to my other daughters house (the one who's o.h is stopping us seeing her and the babies). My daughter was reluctant to go round and when my son phoned ahead, he was told under no circumstances was she to park outside and was not to go anywhere near the house. She was really upset, as like me, she has done and said nothing to either her sister or b.i.l

So I am really counting on the courts to allow us to see our beloved Laila and Jack. Its their Birthdays in May, so even if we have a contact order, we'll not be seeing them on their Birthdays for their parties (sad)

So desperately sad for all of us denied contact. So sorry maniac and flowers heartbreaking for you both too.

How can these people live ith themselves?

Sadly my daughter must have some sort mental heslthnissuebshe never was like this totally brainwashed by our s I law or so we think we really don't have clue.

Keep strong both of you and others too

Flower so sad to hear your story- . My son and all paternal family denied contact.-Implacable hostility and false allegations. Hardest thing is the allegation that GS doesn't want to see us !
I grieve for my GS (age 13) and all such children -this abuse leaves a gaping hole in their lives the trauma of which could affect future relationships and the next generation.
My thoughts are with you

We to have been denied contact with two of our beloved grandchildren. The little boy was 4 and the girl 7 we have not seen them for 5 years now. My son had contact with them then his ex wife decided that he could not see them again. He has fought through the courts several times and jumped through hoops for her. He has had the humiliation of being tested for class A drugs and alcohol plus have a psychiatric report done on him all completely 100% in his favour but still she went against the judges decision. We, and all of the family on our side are denied contact by the mother. She has lied and told the children that their father intends to 'steal' them away. Her parents are compliant in this = the other gran even held my little grandson back at the top of the stairs when my son went to pick him up on an normal contact day with the boy screaming for his father and the gran shouting 'you will never see them again' We are hurt and distressed for what consequences this will hold for the children and their future. I fear for them - the mother seems unstable but there is nothing we or my son can do. He has tried everything. Even having 7 other grandchildren and 2 on the way doesn't take away the pain of not seeing these two.

Reading through these posts has filled me with sadness. I feel for those grandparents without access to their grandchildren. I couldn't even begin to imagine the hurt and pain that they must bear.
I do not see as much of my grandaughters as I would wish for geographical reasons, to not have access to them would be unthinkable. I sometimes despair at the human race and how cruel it can be to each other.
Grandchildren deserve the unconditional love that grandparents provide.
My daughter tells me off and constantly reminds me that I would never have permitted her or her brother to get away with what I encourage my grandaughters to do. But isn't that what grandparents are for, we keep our children on the straight and narrow then spoil the grandchildren rotten.
I don't mean to be insensitive to those who are denied access, far from it, I extend my sincere sympathy and feel for them. If only children could understand what they are denying their own children by keeping them from their parents. It is after all about the grandchildren and the happy times they can enjoy not about parents or grandparents.
I do hope all without access can resolve differences and find it in themselves to say sorry. Who is right or wrong is immaterial as the little ones is what is important and the unconditional love they can be showered with. If there is any form of divine intervention then it would intervene in this sensitive subject.

You have done so well yoga girl you have a court date ! I am envious unit does not look good for me as oh just des not want to. We will not see our gran daughters any other way!

Yes celebgran, going to court is not an easy one. I was talking to a few friends today and they all said ''drop the court case'' as they think I may be in danger, but if I do that I don't think I'll see my grandchildren again.

I really don't know how to deal with a pathological liar, that's my son-in-law.
My other daughter reminded me yesterday, about a big lie that he told my daughter(his wife) he said that just before their wedding I sent his mum + dad an e-mail saying ' there are some things you need to know about my daughter' of course this is a total lie, I never sent any e-mail, my daughter and I were out shopping for her wedding dress, securing the reception venue, choosing the food and wine etc, along with input from his mum + dad of course, in other words a really happy and bonding time. Another total lie was when he phoned me on holiday(when they'd had the big fight) saying that my daughter was in constant contact with her first born's dad, I said I cannot believe that, he assured me it was true, when I put this to my daughter she said 'no, I'm not mum, I really don't know why he would say that' (not that I would have minded, it would be her business). So this made me think there is no hope with regards to getting my daughter back, if she is being bombarded with lies about me all the time!

Oh big supportive hugs yoga girl! You sound so like me pray things improve for you. We too have harassment warning but police told our daughter it is not harassment to send presents to our grand daughters like she should need telling!

Going court just causes rows between OH and myself so have to let it go! Not worth risking my marriage .

Thank you glassortwo and 'Happy Easter' to all on Gransnet.

I had a bad night last night, its the total cut-off that's so hard to take, if they were living in Aussie, one could at least Skype,phone,txt or e-mail, but not being able to know how they are or what their doing and what progress the babies are making is destroying! I thought about e-mailing my daughter, but thought better of it in the light of day as I have to be careful of an 'harassment order' being slapped on me, I could just imagine sending her a pleasant e-mail and then having the police arrive to arrest me for it, so sad! Its like their all dead, but their not, they are just round the corner!

Also its become a taboo subject in the family now, but for me its the only thing I want to talk about and the only thing on my mind all day and night, I even missed my turn-off for my work yesterday , as I was so deep in thought about it all, and found myself sailing up towards the m25. I still speak to my friends and have started telling more people about it now, but I've told myself to stop as they must be getting fed up with hearing about it.

Just wish I had a crystal ball to see when this will end and when I'll get a normal family life back with my daughter and my grandchildren. I'm really grieving for them, my daughter and I have never been apart like this, even when she worked for a few months in Malta, my other daughter (her sister) and I went out to see her.

yoga keep strong

Morning celebgran,
Thanks for your pm. I first tried mediation, I found it very therapeutic for myself and felt so much better when I came out, she was such a lovely, sympathetic lady. But of course my daughter and s.i.l didn't respond, which was such a shame, as I know my daughter would have been up for it and like me, would have got a lot out of it and maybe even got her to think straight and lift the fog from her brain. When my D stayed with me the few days of their bust-up, these were her exact words to me, she said " mum, its like a fog has lifted from my brain, and I can think properly again for the first time in ages"

Will pm you yoga girl.

Hello grannyactivist, another very sad story.
My other daughter has said to me that she will be having babies in the next few years (hope its sooner) and that she would never do to me what my younger daughter is doing and that I will always be a big part of her babies lives, but even with that said, it doesn't take away the pain of losing your first two GC, does it. As you say, we can never recapture the time lost with our beloved GC, the time is lost for ever!

Hello celebgran, just been reading back over your story, quite similar to mine!
I've just got back from a lovely spa w/e with my other daughter, that she bought me for 'Mothers Day', had a lovely time, but still couldn't get my GC out of my head, as I miss them so much. I paid for my daughters wedding and gave them 5K, leaving me with very little savings, as I'm on my own its not a good position to have put myself in, but I did it out of love for her, and am rewarded with a brick-wall of silence.
The silence is very worrying, as I always wonder if they are all ok, one of them could be in hospital for all I know! As for going to court, I felt right from the start that he would not back-down and that going through the courts would be the only way I would ever see my little darlings again, also it would give me a link to my daughter too.
My problem is that my s.i.l is hooked on 'pot' and has been for 10yrs, this has made him paranoid, he is also a pathological liar, so God knows what he will come up with in court! When I tried to say 'hello' to my GC after 'mothers day', he told my son I tried to 'snatch' little Laila!! which of course I didn't. My s.i.l has also turned my son against me and my eldest daughter with his lies, I cant believe my son would believe him, but seems he does! My son and I are now not talking, so he therefore only hears the lies.
Your story doesn't sound good celebgran, after 4yrs, so very sad

Hope all goes well with your daughter and baby ga. What a sad loss that your grandchildren have missed out on the loving closeness they would have had with you. Words go nowhere near expressing the yearning and feelings of being bereft of the relationship that has not been allowed to happen

I've only just caught up with this thread so I'd like to add my good wishes to Yogagirl and Twice.
My daughter and baby grandson are on their way over to spend the day with me and I really need to pull myself together as I'm inexplicably weepy at the moment. I think having a new grandchild is tapping into the feelings of loss I have at never having seen my youngest granddaughter and my oldest granddaughter will be fifteen soon - I've missed so much that can never be recovered. It sort of comes over me in waves and I get tearful. Usually I'm very good at 'compartmentalising' and deliberately don't dwell on the situation, but I grieve for the relationship that is lost. Just writing this has brought me to tears, so I'm off - need to do something constructive and prepare for daughter's arrival. She's very anxious because there are feeding problems with the little one and she's coming here straight from her GP - her Health Visitor phoned the surgery and made the appointment so daughter is a bit alarmed.

Yoga girl I am so interested in what you have done! I am denied contact not seen mine for 4 years you are very brave indeed to go court. I sent off forms then got them returned and got cold feet. My husband is against it too which does not help .

Please keep us posted and pm me if you would like to we also had an harassment warning.

Very best luck for next month