Denied Contact with Grandchildren - August 2012 onwards....

Twice the bold highlighter thingy is described under the comments box you write your post in.

It's asterisk, then the word you want to bold, and another asterisk. No spaces between the asterisks and the word. Good luck!

Whenim you are so right! I have decided recently that I need to look after my own interests a bit and leave my husband to work things out himself. I have told him he is a fool to have initiated this situation as I would not do anything to risk my relationship with all my girls and have always been closer to them than their father as if I am honest he has always been quite difficult. I think girls will not bend much for him this time and I don,t blame them. There has been a bit of emailing going on so things might improve a bit, I think I,ll stand back and not try and influence things anymore and just enjoy my own time with them all.

Thank you for your comments it has really helped and by the way as a new member how do I do the bold highlighter thing?

Twice if you were giving advice to yourself, and were prepared to listen, I'm sure that as a woman/mother/grandmother you would be saying that it's not worth getting into a hostile situation when the penalty is not seeing the grandchildren. Your OH seems bent on cutting off his nose to spite his face. You don't need to try and mediate - you're not being deprived of contact, he is. Perhaps if he could identify something he could compromise on, there might be some progress.

Thanks so much whenim64 it,s been a nightmare frankly. Husband never phones house when I,m down here normally but has contacted me today to say close friend who is only 59, same age as me has died suddenly so it never rains but it pours! Would really value people's opinions.

You have my heartfelt sympathy TwiceAsNice. When they aren't prepared to budge, you shouldn't be drawn in, if you didn't participate in the first place. I hope they resolve it, for the sake of the children

I am in a very weird position regarding this. My heart goes out to all of you here as I love my twin dgd,s very much and they are always pleased to see me.The weird position is that at the moment I see them and their Grandfather, my husband does not. Last July he had a big row with sil and stormed out of the house telling my dd he didn't,t ever want to see sil ever again and he would not come to their house again. He left me there it was latish in the evening and youngest daughter drove me home the next day and then went straight back to her sisters house. They are extremely close and see each other several times a week. THey both live 2.5hrs drive away.

Both girls came to our house to visit with GD,s and no sil a few times but visits difficult because husband still critical of sil, he was angry because sil had lost several jobs and he felt he was to blame for resulting financial worries, he has never liked him really since they got together. DD feels her father has rejected her family life and he always likes his own way and although they visited between Xmas and New Year I came to them for Xmas and left my husband at home. He has not seen the children since the end of Dec 2012 except for the oddSkype which he now says he doesn,t want because he finds it too painful.

I have continued to come down and see everyone every 2-3 weeks for the weekend and a bit longer sometimes when I,ve had some time off work.
DD says her fathers behaviour has continued to be difficult and she is not breaking her neck to keep coming home especially now she has just gone back to work full time and sil stays home to look after the children,who are 4 in May and will goto school in Sept.The situation has put great strain on our marriage and I don,t know where it will all end. Husband is obviously very upset but does not really help himself much. I have felt very caught in the middle and have tried to mediate which has sometimes made things worse so we are stuck. It has caused me such stress and made me very anxious sometimes as I also have to be ok to go to work as I have quite a responsible job and I am the main earner.

I know it is not as awful as for most of you because I am very lucky to still see my dgd,s and dd,s but it has been and is is still a strain and just felt it would be good to say it all and have some feedback. Thanks.

Maniac the first Denied Contact thread is there under this one, if you type 'denied contact' into the Forum Search box, and scroll down quite a long way. I started the fresh thread when there was some animosity towards a Gransnetter who can't see her grandchildren (from anoter site) and the topic was being diverted. There is lots of info on there, though, and in quite a few other threads.

This second 'Denied Contact' thread was started in August 2012 when the first one got to 1,000 posts.I don't know if it is possible to access the original thread when a new one is started.Whenimsixtyfour will know .She also has lots of info about family courts etc.
There is also another long thread 'Cut Out of Their Lives'.
As well as from GN I have had lots of support from our local Grandparents support gp and from Karen Woodall director of 'separatedfamilies.org.
Send me a private mail for more info.

Thank you maniac, I read your messages on here, but your first story must have dropped off the end. I tried to view the TV programme of you, but it has gone. I wish you luck in getting to see your GS.

I have all my GC Xmas presents waiting for them, their Birthdays are in May, so I'm hoping I will be giving those to them and not putting them next to their Xmas presents, so fingers crossed for my 'contact order' in April. I don't foresee getting my daughter back until she and her brainwashing husband have split-up, I pray every day that this will happen soon, I know that doesn't sound good, but I miss my daughter as well as my darling GC, even though she's done and said some terrible things, but I always think its him saying and doing, not her.

My eldest daughter has been pushed out as well, and hasn't seen her sister or niece and nephew for over a month now.

Yogagirl
Good wishes to you.There are many of us GNs who have similar experiences.
You are very brave to go to court for contact order and do the work yourself.
I've marked 25th April on my calendar and will certainly be rooting for you.

Wish I'd found this site months b4. I've gone through the worst time of my life. I haven't seen my daughter and grandchildren for 4.5months. My s-i-l has brainwashed my daughter to hate me, I have had a brick-wall built up against me and them, no txt e-mails no visits, just total silence. It started after my s-i-l and daughter had a big fight whilst I was away on hols with my other daughter, we came back to help as he had barred my daughter from their family home and from her babies, the eldest not even his child. When my daughter was pregnant with her first, she came back to live with me (father didn't want to know) I looked after her, went to all her scans, anti-natal etc. was at the birth, my daughter gave the baby my first name as her middle and our surname, that's how close we were, they were with me for 6mnths, we were really close and happy, my daughter then moved into a bungalow with her now husband, and she phoned me every day. She then went on to have another baby with her boyfriend now husband, again I was at the birth, I visited at least twice per week, until the big fight. My daughter came back and stayed with me during this time, I tried to mediate between them to get them back together and said to my s-i-l 'the mother will get custody of the babies and therefore the family home' I said it in a kind way, as he seemed to think he could keep the babies and the home and just keep my daughter out, he then made up with my daughter and the brick-wall was slowly built up against me until 16th Nov 2012 when I was completely shut out. I too live alone with my little dog and didn't see them at Xmas time. I tried the way-laying tactic, that someone on here mentioned, resulting in a police harassment order, I didn't even get to say hello to them as my daughter saw me coming and spun round so quick back into the play school, they didn't see me, I just wanted to say how much I loved and missed them, as it was a day after Mothers Day I thought my daughters heart would have softened a bit, but no. They have done and said the most terrible things to me, I'm destroyed. I'm going to court for contact order, doing all the work myself as I cant afford a lawyer, plus side of not having a lawyer is it all moves much quicker and I've already got a hearing for the 25th April '13.
Believe it or not, I did try to keep this short!

Thank you Kitty Lester I think homesickness and PND could account for some of the problem. Hugs to all denied contact with dear GC at this time.

and (((hugs))) to all of you missing your family.

Varya how sad for you not to see your grandchild. Maybe your DiL is suffering from homesickness possibly made worse by post natal depression and needs her mother at this time? It's a very difficult situation for you.

My daughter in law is from Eastern Europe and we have always made her welcome but now she has a baby we don't see the baby very often at all. My son is with her - they are parents together. I text to ask if we can visit, and get no reply, but my DiL wants to go to her home country and take the baby three times this year and is on Skype continually with her family in E/Europe.

How hard it must be to cope day to day with all this sadness. Like Mishap I can only send you sympathy and love. I continue to be amazed at your strength!

Mishap we have no choice but to cope what is the alternative.? So important try not let it ruin life and focus on people and family we still have.

Is always hope pleased for sue great nan my heart goes out to you we too sent loving birthday card never response it certainly does affect health
How lovely sue that you had Skype call be patient..(flowers)

Thank you Mishap, and all the other people who have given me such sympathy since I joined. My other daughter thinks my loss of two stones last year was down to stress as much as walking. I don't lie awake every night now, going over my daughter's entire life, from her unhappy babyhood through her friendless school days. Her sister thinks I should just accept that she was born with some chemical inbalance in the brain which made her unable to recognise when she was loved and made it impossible for her to form friendships. I can only go on sending my unconditional love via my eldest grand-daughter and hope that the children will someday be able to face the fact that their mother is an addict who sees the world in a twisted way.

Thank you Mishap Great Nan Whenim64 Granny Activist.

Your words of support keep me going and particularly today when the whole thing is really getting to me. I know that I still have to find more patience and go at her pace- in my heart my daughter is coming back, not just physically but emotionally too.

Hugs to all of you

suebeck

I have no idea how you all cope with these dreadful sorrows - I can only send my love and support; and hope for better things to come.

Some light at the end of the tunnel, Suebeck.
I have had no contact from my daughter or the three children who still live with her. She had a birthday last week and I sent her a loving card but there was no response.
Her eldest daughter continues to maintain contact and she thinks her mother now knows that she was delusional when she said I had stolen from her, but she cannot lose face by admitting it.
On Holby City this week, one story was of a man who had put two Fentanyl patches on himself and developed paranoid delusions. These are the same patches, (they deliver a measured amount of codeine every hour) that my daughter was chewing, even though she knew it could have caused a heart attack.
I will be spending the next six weeks with my other daughter and three of my grandchildren in New Zealand, surrounded by love and I will try to avoid mentioning my sorrow.
Best wishes to all of you who are denied contact.

Keep going Suebeck

suebeck what lovely encouring news. My advice would be to try, try, try to take things slowly and at your daughter's pace. It's WONDERFUL that you've made up some ground together and I shall be watching this space and saying a little prayer that you WILL get to see your daughter - and hopefully your grandchildren - very soon.

Hello to everyone going through this pain. I do have more good news to share. A couple of weeks ago my lovely daughter phoned me on two occasions. Both unprompted. She was very upset at the deaths of their two animals, and daft as it seems, the real "her" was evident. So much emotion poured out, and without being disloyal I heard for the first time the daughter that I once knew. I hope that you understand my meaning?

Anyhow we have been texting a lot since, seemingly when he wasnt in the house or in the vicinity. Last weekend she suggested that I sort out Skype and so on Monday that it was we did. Unfortunately (or fortunately for me) she couldnt see me, but she showed me all around her house room by room. I felt overjoyed but at the same time it was a shock. I have never been to this house, they moved there shortly after the heartbreak began, which is nearly now 4 years ago. I do feel that everything is moving on now, but there is still no mention of me seeing my granddaughters and I havent pushed for that either. I am just so grateful that there is progress. He is on holiday for the next three days (Sat Sun and Monday) but she is texting me whilst out on a walk. My patience is at times nearly at breaking point, and it is difficult living on my own to keep positive. Thanks to those of you on here that give me that much needed support. Hugs Suebeck

oh dear is sad for us all poor people in this unenviable position.

I can scarcely believe that we do not hear a word, did wonder if we would this year after giving vouchers and presents, but no, just same as last 3 years nothing.

Life goes on and we have to accept it because there is no choice.

Just keep a little hope in our hearts.

sounds positive for you Suebeck