Friends that depress you!

Blimey, I've only been on Gransnet about an hour and already I'm getting roasted for trying to create a compassionate atmosphere

Crikey! Great nan you sound great - and I have read about what you have been through -I think some people have a natural happy outlook no matter what life throws at them - and some just don't - it is v draining but like you sometime 'one' is torn between being sympathetic and a listening ear and then thinking - 'I've got to get away from this person for my own sanity'. But you never know when you might be in th e sme situation. (I dont mean you I mean 'one' - I'm not posh really just don't know how else to put it).
The house swap thing sounds like a good idea. - You go to hers and she to yours then you wouldn't have to see her - sorry might have got the wrong end of the stick
. Depression is an illness and should be treated just like any other - if you had a bout of flu people would understand - I am directing this to Gillybob. I think sometimes -and easy for me to say as I am a fairly upbeat person - but just think how lucky we are to even be able to see lovely things and smell things like baking bread and cofffee and bonfires. My remedy is always either bake a cake or stick a chicken in the oven - always seems to take away the blues - not being flippant but try and start somewhere - and talking things over on Gransnet might help a bit.-

Daman We already had the compassionate atmosphere, thank you. Your comment on "an age where I am told some women go emotionally bonkers for a while anyway" and the thought that Gillybob could sort all her problems in a few minutes by sitting down and "clarifying" them did not come over as compassionate, no matter how you meant it. It sounds more like "Pull yourself together woman, it is all in your hysterical female mind"

Thank you fluffy. I am not doing an exchange with my friend, but with somebody from one of my expat forums in France. It just seemed a good idea to meet when we were only 70 miles away from each other and the owner of the gite is quite happy for me to have a friend to stay.

I think I was born with a double dose of serotonin (the 'happy' chemical in the brain) so although I am sad about my daughter I am not depressed. I did suffer post natal depression for about a year and it is horrible - I am deeply sympathetic to anybody who suffers with 'black dog'. I know there does not need to be anything specific in your life to cause it. At the time, I felt I was just existing through the day, mostly for the sake of my two babies (they were only 18 months apart, so I think exhaustion played a part).

There are no easy answers - some sufferers benefit from medication, others from 'talking thereapy', some find a really good cry helps. I have never cried about my daughter - I think I am afraid that if I start I won't be able to stop.

Gillybob - if I were you I would try to concentrate on those lovely grandchildren and think what you mean to them.

Is it ok to be an Eeyore if you're a self confessed one and take the p**s out of yourself constantly because of it..cause that's what I am .

Gillybob I want to send you lots of hugs. You have so much to put up with and have to be strong for everyone and there is no easy answer. Perhaps there is no answer at all but do try to find just a little time for yourself in between all you do for others.

Gosh Daman if that is compassionate I wonder what you are like when you are being flippant.
Gillybob - feel free to have a moan or just to share any time you like. Most of us will know where you are coming from

Please can we give &Daman a chance? He/she may not have meant it to come out the way it did and if they have only just joined GN surely we can all be a bit compassionate and give them a chance to get to know us?

Daman is a man all right - no doubt about that and it is on his profile.

I think the 'reaching a certain age' comment was a give away. Hi Daman

Daman Sadly my "sad things" will not clarify in a few minutes and I am definatley not "emotionally bonkers" thanks.

Greatnan Thankyou for the kind (and very wise) words as usual. It is so hard not to always look at the black side of everything. At them moment I use it as a defence mechanism and figure that if i think the worst and the worst happens then i am not disappointed. I feel that I am trying so hard to be everything to everyone and probably being nothing to anyone.

I have always been a very strong person who would fight anyones corner but never seem get any help when I need it. I have a zero social life as work, children, grandchildren,parents all take priority. Money is extremely tight too so getting away is impossible. Anything I set out to do seems to go haywire. I joined a Pilates class about 6 weeks ago and have managed 1 session as mum is in hospital and I am the only person who can ferry the visitors there and back.

I was really looking forward to joining everyone on the Edinburgh trip but that too went pear shaped. Sometimes I feel like running away from it all but then feel selfish for even thinking such a thing.

Oh there I go depressing everyone.

I think, when you reach the fight or flight choice, gillybob – which you may have reached unawares – then running away, albeit temporarily, is the right thing to do. I hope things improve for you soon .

How sad that in this age of multi-cars, you are the only hospital taxi.

gillybob, what are we here for? I think we are here to share each others' happiness and sadness. There are times when everything that can go wrong does go wrong - I'm sure we've, most of us, been there. You are in a deep trough at the moment - let's hope that the only way is up. Meanwhile, let us, metaphorically, hold your hand. ((((hugs))))

gillybob it's horrible feeling down. I really do sympathise. Ignore that man!
I'm sure you'll rally and go back to being your usual strong self when the present problems resolve!

Gillybob, the last thing you are is selfish! Your entire life is given over to caring for other people - of course you get tired and dispirited sometimes. You are being pulled in many different directions and I don't suppose any of the people you are caring for have any idea of how much pressure you are under. Would it be possible to have a family sit-down discussion and tell them you are feeling a bit snowed under at the moment, and see if any of them can take on a bit of your work? They might surprise you - families can be very unaware of all that mothers do for them and sometimes when they are actually told about it, they feel quite guilty.
I don't think this is typical of your personality - you are just reacting normally to difficult circumstances and you are probably quite tired too. If you can't give yourself a break physically, at least stop criticising yourself for being a human being and not supermum (who doesn't exist).

We were hoping to see you at Gally's yesterday, Gillybob. I wish you'd been able to come, but try and plan to make the next one? I'd like another one tomorrow, actually.....
On a more serous note though, I can't presume to imagine how you might be feeling just now. Don't feel as if you're on your own with this, Gillybob? We might be scattered about all over the place, but you can rely on us to be supportive. I don't know where I'd have been without my Gransnet pals sometimes. Try not to spread yourself too thinly. There's only one of you. Are you able to say 'No' sometimes, perhaps?

gillybob; Was not being able to go to the get together 'the straw that broke the camels back', I wonder..the realisation that anything that was to do with your happiness was not as necessary as other peoples'? You so need some 'me time' by the sound of it. I hereby [with a hug] give you permission to put yourself first sometimes.

And here's one from me too, gillybob. xx

gillybob sending you a huge {{{hug}} everyone else has covered everything I would say, but please take care of yourself.

Let me know if you want to go off somewhere for a coffee.

Daman
Hello and goodbye.

gillybob try to hang on in there. I know what total despair feels like, as do other GNetters I'm sure. I won't trivialise how you feel now by saying it will get better any time soon. It is often the case that it's the strong ones who try to carry on and on, and often find it hardest to just say 'I've had enough' and give themselves permission to have a break. You have a lot of emotional support here and I too send you a big ({[hug]})

johanna that's not the most compassionate post. Poor Daman is obviously male and of a generation that either doesn't understand how 21st century women think or perhaps he was just trying to be funny. He is obviously in need of educating on these finer points. If he is man enough to come back to GN then I'm sure it will be the making of him.
What say you Damon?

I've always found that 50 is the age at which most men, not women, go emotionally bonkers. I think any man doing the 'there, there dear it's just your hormones' needs sorting out, big time.

Well, he has found the right people to do it, Crimson . Surely he won't throw in the towel without a fight?

If he does, he will probably dismiss us all as menopausal old biddies - despite most of us having passed that "certain age" by twenty years or so.