Friends that depress you!

Gosh - a stiff drink! I'd never have thought of that myself - good idea, jeni!!
(I meant to say obtuse but came up with a hybrid of obtuse and obscure)

I still haven't found an hotel for the dates we want at a price we want and where we want (in the Gothic Quarter). Back to the drawing board.

Couldn't possibly read the long, long page of comments & digressions, but thankyou for the welcome you've given me, they quite warmed the cockles of my heart! Greatnan, you've given me food for thought, re prescription drugs. I can barely believe it hadn't crossed my mind, as I know my daughter has been on amytriptylline for years, given to her by her Gp for depression. Ten years ago after breaking my spine, in Addenbrookes', I was given them, with frightening, dreadful effects; nobody realised they were causing me to experience continual hallucinations, I had no idea where I was, where I was even; I was convinced a giraffe stood next to my bed, which sounds funny, but was a deeply weird thing to have alongside you. Even after discharge the hallucinations carried on, but I was at least aware by then, that the visions I saw were not real. After a year I stopped taking them abruptly, & within days the visions disappeared, never to return.
Well, having said all that, is D being mentally twisted too? It never struck me, what an idiot I am! I know her though, she would not give them up, she depends on them psychologically. I had to send her the info today, that as from the 12th. I shall be officially terminating her employment; I have to have a Carer, I'm unable to physically do things like vaccuuming or changing the bed-linen. I'm stopping the childminder fees too; no reply of course, haven't told her that I've asked our best friend to come back & work for me, she's been like a daughter to me for 39 years, & we get on well, she's perfect at the job. It's only 2 hours a week, so easy to fit into a busy life, & the pays not bad at all, £11 per hour. Hohum, good job I've now got a computer - only got it in Feb this year, clever son customised it for me in particular, taking into account my particular foibles of course! He visits for an hour once a fortnight [lives a mile away! & adds something new every time, causing me an acute pain between the eyes, trying to remember it all.

Joyful - yes, it is quite likely that your daughter's though processes and personality have been skewed by drugs. Of course, she would never admit that and if you ever challenged her you would be met by anger, resentment and denial. There is a 'hidden' plague of drug abuse - many people never consider the dangers of drugs they are prescribed. Most GPs are now much more aware of the addictive properties of things like Valium, which were prescribed so readily for depression (or boredom?) and packets of Nytol can be bought over the counter, as well as all the painkillers which contain codeine.
Having seen the gradual destruction of my daughter's personality, I am now reluctant to take even one paracetamol for the occasional headache although I have never been addicted to anything, as far as I know.
My sister reminded me that our mother used to take what she called her 'happy pills' but we cannot remember what they were.

I hope you manage to put some useful arrangements in place for your care, and that you and your daughter get back on good terms.

nfk dumpling, Ariadne, joyfuljenn thank you all for your kind words. It still amazes me how caring people can be even when they too are not in the best of places . to all you lovely people.

Bags I do hope my children don't think I depress them on the phone. I think perhaps its the other way around. My heart sinks sometimes when they ring at "that time of night* when you just know it's not going to be anything to smile about.

I know we have had this before but it is so true
Parents' answering machine

Good morning ....
At present we are not at home, but please leave your message after you hear the beep.
Beeeeeppp ...

If you are one of our children, press 1

and then select the option from 1 to 5 in order of "arrival" so we know who it is.

If you need us to stay with the children, press 2

If you want to borrow the car, press 3

If you want us to wash your clothes and ironing, press 4

If you want the grandchildren to sleep here tonight, press 5

If you want us to pick up the kids at school, press 6

If you want us to prepare a meal for Sunday or to have it delivered to your home, press 7

If you want to come to eat here, press 8

If you need money, press 9

If you are going to invite us to dinner, or are taking us to the theatre,

start talking ... We are listening !!!!!!!!!!!"

Great news - my sister just BEGGED me for the caring job! Jumped at the chance, obviously. This situation is actually having a very good side to it; sister & me had not seen each other since Dad's funeral a year ago, even though we live only 7 miles apart. But 2 weeks ago, out of the blue, she invited me to tea, & now this! Wow. An answer to prayer, I assure you! We will, I hope, now become closer; my sibs are half-sibs, I'm between 6-19 years the other 5s elder, & funnily, the sister I'm closest too, is the youngest, 19 years my junior. But she lives in Spain...
Thanks for the bouquet, gillybob! gracesmum, I lol +++, I remember it well! Mind, my happiest times were when my boy was a teen, he & his geeky friends would be crammed into his box-bedroom, 14 of them once - glued to their laptops. I always knew where he was, at home! No worries there. The boys would stroll in, murmer 'Hi', walk straight to the fridge, gaze at the contents; a glance in my direction, a raised eyebrow, a nod from me. Out would come a revolting frozen chinese bag of muck, into the microwave, ping! Not seen again 'til sent home. I loved it!

Oh gracesmum if only there was such a system available I would definitely subscribe.

With my son (the one with the children) its always bad news. I know that sounds horrible but its true.

If you could personalise the system I would add:-

press 1 if you have had an argument with partner.
press 2 if you have no money
press 3 if you need me to have the children for 3 nights instead of 2
press 4 if you have run out of electricity or gas (they have an awful prepayment meter)

I could go on and on but would hate to bore everyone to death...

With my daughter its usually because she is lonely and needs a chat .

I would settle for any kind of call from one daughter. The other always rings just for a chat and cheers me up with her happy news. Mind you, when she was younger I could always tell from her opening greeting what the call was about -'MOTHER' meant I had done something to annoy her. 'Mu..uuum' meant 'Send money'. The worst greeting was ' Mum, I have got something to tell you.....' Yes, she was pregant, again! Now, I adore all six of her children but they were not all born at convenient times.

Not sure there ever is a convenient time to have children greatnan . My son was definitely an inconvenience .

I can only imagine your sadness thinking about your daughter and any call would be a good call as at least it was communication. I do hope that some day you can be reconciled.

My first grandchild was announced to me as though it were the worst news ever as son and partner hadn't been together very long. No money and living in a tiny one bedroom flat.

One of my grannies said when I had my son that babies bring so much love with them and I tend to agree. My three grandchildren are the little "angels" that keep my mum alive and looking forward.

I planned my two pregnancies and the babies arrived almost to the weekend. My sister called me 'Mrs. Efficiency'. Of course my ex husband wanted to wait until we got a better car, a boat, a caravan.....but I was broody after four years of marriage, at the age of 22, and there was no denying me! I think some of my grandchildren were accidental, but none the less welcome for that!

This it then; after a long-lost brother's 'help' today, I just found my house key & Blue Badge on the mat. Not feeling too joyful now! I am feeling empty, instead.

They were mini flats and i'm sure the bathrooms were very good-we had a massive balcony-and very spacious room on the top floor. I haven't shared a bathroom with anyone except my husband since 1969!

I think i've muddled the thread??? It was to Greatnan and about Barcelona. OH dear

joyful does that mean your sister is not going to be your "carer" any more? I am sorry you feel so let down

"The Glad Game", to everyone, because at this moment I feel goodwill to everyone

What?

My DD was my carer, she resigned last week. My sister is taking her place. But a silver-lining, gracesmum; a good firend of mine, male, same age as DS-41- is in urgent need of temporary lodgings, today, & sister can now clear the spare room I have for him. Things are looking up, & I'm 'joyful' once more!

The glad game comes from the film Pollyanna - you have to find something positive in anything that happens. Well, if Daman can tell me what is positive about my daughter having paranoid delusions and probably slowly killing herself, I would be very glad to hear it. I don't need patronising platitudes.

joyfuljenn Great news,

Daman You feeling goodwill to everyone might not last long on Gransnet

Greatnan I can't help thinking that was a rather harsh comment to Daman. Possibly she was unaware of your daughter's addiction? Only my opinion of course......

Oh, Polyanna – I want to slap her.

Ceesnan Just for the record, Daman is a he.

Daman knows all about my daughter's problems.

I loved the start of Pollyana with the chandelier and the rainbows; my son gave me a little solar powered 'rainbow maker' for Christmas the other year and it makes me so happy . I think we should all have one on the NHS [along with a two week holiday in the sun ].