I visited my Mum today!!

for Kitty -as Granjura can't send them but wanted to!

Your description of your ageing Mum brings back so vividly what my Mum was like in her last months. She thought I was the nurse who put drops in her eyes and was really surprised when I told her she had five children. She and my Dad were married just 6 months short of 70 years when he died but she could not remember him or his name. It is so cruel to see what old age can do. from me Kitty - just for you.

Ah Kitty- so hard for you. Just hang in there- when your mum does go, you'll feel so much better for having tried so hard, and never give up.
Thinking of you- can't send flowers as my Swiss keyboard does not have square brackets

I don't know about other people, but I used to think - will I be like that too?
Strange with my Mum - we always got on eachother's nerves, but towards the end she was so sweet, and we became closer.

Oh Kitty, ageing is so tough isn't it - thinking of you x

It is so hard - I really feel for you.

Oh Kitty, how worrying for you, and how sad for you both!

I've resurrected this as I did, visit my mum today.

We had thought Mum was in quite a contented place until about a week ago when she cried when my brother left her. Then on Sunday, she rang to complain that no one had visited her (her parents, my father, any of us) and today, when I left after having spent over two hours there, she cried and then told me that she loved me!

I am now totally

Brilliant that you got some Continuing Care Mishap. I'm giving them until we get back from holiday then I'll start chasing to see if we can get a proportion as was promised when mum left hospital. I was also promised a copy of the report - which of course hasn't materialised.
Life is so much easier now she's settled. (I probably shouldn't say that she'll probably go wobbly now!)

Yes - life is much easier and I no longer spend every day on the phone dealing with one crisis or another - phew!

Tried obviously should read relief. Pesky phone!!

Glad things are looking better for both of you and your relatives Mishap and Nfk. It's such a tried, isn't it.

Good news Dumpling - I hope that you have a lovely break.

We have been granted continuing care funding for the weeks when Dad was at home and so disturbed. Quite rightly he no longer qualifies, as a combination of a suitable drug and a caring environment have taken him out of the "behaviour" category where he scored so highly. I think it is a fair decision and plan to accept this on Dad's behalf.

Mishap The home sounds lovely. You're right - kindness and good humour are much more important than fancy decor.

I'm so glad things have worked out so well for your dad. It's a great relief when you know they're well cared for. My mum is getting increasingly frail but her medication has got her stabilised, she's as comfortable as she can be, and no longer away with the fairies. Her carers too are good humoured and gentle and she's getting to know several of them quite well and I now feel we can go away next week without worrying all the time.

(Still no progress on Continuing Care, but higher rate Attendance Allowance is sorted)

The home that my Dad has finally gone to has got exactly the right approach. They deal with everything with calm good humour and, I would have to say, love. They are very warm in their approach and the whole place is like a real home, not a residential home - we are all so lucky. If a problem arises they get on with it calmly and respectfully.

It is quite scruffy though and maybe that is why we managed to get a place, as some people would be looking for the slick externals rather than the underlying warmth.

Thank you all. The NHS has done a great job. Hope everything continues to run smoothly.

Glad things have improved for your mum merlot

NFK not much ope of that really, we never did have and she hasn't got much memory left to think like that. But, at least, she's stopped telling me to f* off.

I'm really glad to hear that kitty. It's been a long hard slog to get your mum the care she deserves to have.

That sounds positive, kitty. My mum has also improved now she is getting the right care. It pays to complain and complain and complain, no matter how unpopular you become.

Oh gosh Kitty sounds like you've turned a corner and heading for a proper mother/daughter relationship!

kitty that is good news - you deserve a bit of .

Just a little update on my Mum.

I went to see her today and she was lovely While she has been in the dementia unit they have started her on some tablets to 'take the edge off her irritability' and they are working. They are working so well, in fact, that she is being assessed with a view to going into a 'proper' home.

Our ongoing complaint about the first home she was in is being taken seriously because they have received so many other complaints.

Things are looking up but I won't hold my breath

kitty my MIL used to do that and my DH found the perfect solution - the care home had a visitors book and whenever he visited (2/3 times a week) he signed in. Then when she accused him of not visiting he had his proof! It didn't really matter, but it used to rile him when she talked about him to others saying that he neglected her.

kitty you have the patience of a saint. The worst of it is that your mum doesn't, and is unlikely ever to, appreciate you. .

Sense of humour is the key! Glad you're managing to keep it.

for you kitty, I've just read this thread for the first time, it must be so difficult for you to see the changes in your Mum. I have friends who have had similar experiences with parents, it was extremely upsetting for them. It sounds as though your sense of humour will help you through.