How can you improve your relationship?

A young friend recently asked for my recipe for a long-lasting relationship. I promised him a poem, in return he and his partner, (living in America) phoned at 7.30. next morning to say how much they appreciated the poem
Nice to know that it was appreciated but to be woken up at seveny
thirty unexpectedly --!!!!

When asked how we have managed to stay married for 45 years we both say that at any given time at least one of us has been working at it. That of course is an over simplification but anything good is worth working for and our marriage is very good.

Those are the last words that Mr soop and I exchange as we turn off the light.

If I had to recommend one thing to do this week it would be say "I love you" at least once a day.

It always makes me feel better when DH says it.

I did have a look at the relationship checker (for scientific reasons you understand...) and thought it was disappointing, not very subtle at all. Relationships in later life are a bit like bone china, strong but delicate at the same time.

Well said kitty! N.B. must try harder!

When I was younger I would have battled argued to the bitter end to get my point across or go in huffs that could last for days.
Now being older and wiser I really can't be bothered with bickering and arguing at all. Life's too short.

kitty [thumbs up emoticon]

Love together, laugh together, pull together, grow together but don't spend all your time together or you'll never have lots to talk about.

I just thought of something else. Never be boring or bored. Husband drives me round the bend sometimes, but life with him is never boring.

I have been with my husband for 31 years, what I would say is good communication is key, dont assume they know whats going on in your head because most of the time they have no idea.

Let things go, choose your battles.

I think what soop said...be kind...was a good comment, being kind is really important, because we all like it when someone is kind to us.

Accept that its not always going to be ...happy days.... but ride the waves together x

ga Kindness, above all else, can work miracles.

Be kind. Never belittle or undermine. Encourage one another. Don't nurse grudges or old wounds. Surprise each other now and again and also find pleasure in everyday occurences. Be kind. (Yes, I know I've already said that, but it's important enough to bear repetition.)

Talk to each other, and listen to each other. Not necessarily as easy as it sounds. You have to get beyond the superficial and then avoid being defensive.

Notso Yes! I agree.

Boomer... I'm pretty sure I couldn't live with someone who wasn't my friend. There is far more to a good marriage than sex.

Have been thinking.... Love, trust, respect, tolerance and sheer bloody mindedness !

Just be good loving caring friends to each other .

We have been together now for 42 years {and it don"t seem a day too long}
so must be getting something right .

Then had to go and check on 'pompitous' :

The word pompitous, derived from the Latin "Pomp" and "Itus" means everything good, righteous, and bangin.

The last couple of posts reminded me of the song "The Joker" by the Steve Miller Band:

Some people call me the space cowboy, yeah
Some call me the gangster of love
Some people call me Maurice
'Cause I speak of the pompitous of love

'Cause I'm a picker, I'm a grinner
I'm a lover and I'm a sinner
I play my music in the sun

www.youtube.com/watch?v=PmVusVh4TRQ

Boomer sorry, but I don't agree, DH is my lover, companion, best friend and much more. We have been married 45 years and are still devoted to each other. Yes, we have had ups and downs but have overcome everything and neither of us would have it any other way.

Yes to most of the above very sensible advice, especially Maythorn. My relationship made 33 years and was painful when it ended but ultimately for the best as we are both much happier now. Also, I'd say be lovers not friends.
My ex was my best friend, lover, fiance, husband in that order and thinking back, I thought of him as a friend not a man if you get my meaning. My present partner is most definately my lover. A subtle difference which makes all the difference.

These "one size fits all" questionnaires are not for me!

Sticking together involves both valuing that as an aim - the rest will follow.

To maintain a long term relationship I always found it was helpful to keep expectations on the low side of realistic

I agree, never look at a 'relationship' checker or at least don't take them seriously. According to most of of them and relationship quizzes, DH and I were doomed from the start. We have been together for 43 years, married for nearly 37 years through good and bad, ups and downs.

If it is only about our own relationship I am happy with ours just as it is. If however the question is about relationships in general, then talk to each other but listen well too.