DH given up making any effort?

Sorry, Soutra, did not mean to make you feel bad, just to look at things from another perspective. My husband was diabetic all the time I knew him, so food always centred round him in the family. The only big change instigated by me was us all becoming vegetarian, and that did actually benefit him for over 35 years.
Just do not beat yourself , or him, up about changes in eating habits.
The sun's just come out, and the roofers are putting up scaffolding. Little things can make you feel better.

A rejection of the food you have lovingly prepared can feel like a rejection of you. But I just think your OH has got into an eating routine that is out of kilter with yours for whatever reason.

I think you have a lot to cope with and do so cheerfully, Soutra, so you are entitled to get fed up if DH isn't helping himself.

and {{hugs}} from me too. Somewhat ashamed about moaning (but justified ) there are worse things! Compromise has to be the way forward, being "right" is often a euphemism for intransigent and that way misery lies.

Gallyand * Jen* (((hugs)))

I agree with Gally. My husband died two years ago, on 22nd January. He had cerebellar ataxia and a brain tumour. He ended up only being able to swallow bananas without choking on them. Be grateful that they can eat what they want. It's far too easy to let food be a battle ground. He hated those drinks, too.

soutra it's so difficult, I know.
My husband died from a sudden, but long anticipated heart attack (2 years ago today actually). He ate everything in moderation, although he was less moderate when it came to cheese and wine. However, because of the nature of his problem, what he ate had very little to do with the state of his arteries; it was only the medication which kept his cholesterol level low(ish) for the best part of 30 years. He was a bomb waiting to explode and whatever he did or didn't do or eat had no effect on the eventual outcome. What I am saying is, I think, the patient/husband knows deep down full well what is right or wrong and if he has a bent for ice cream, whisky, 3 egg omelettes, a full English or whatever, so what? Let him enjoy it, but still encourage him to eat healthily too and continue to provide the good stuff.

I realise my previous post was a bit abrupt - it is because I was in the middle of dishing up tonight's meal - beef skirt with mushrooms casserole in the slow cooker served with braised sweet potato .

Rowan you can tell I've all but given up trying to get my other half to stop eating ice cream. The rest of his diet is pretty good because I apply the "change what you can" principle, and make sure I provide healthy meals when I'm cooking.

He would say what's the point of eating low cal ice cream. He likes the hard stuff.

Grannyknot: could you pre-empt and buy him a low-cal version, frozen yoghurt or sorbet? Or would he refuse to eat it?

I'd buy him a very simple recipe book!

My DH does more cooking than he used to now he's retired. He is brilliant at things needing precision timing, so he does roasts and anything fishy, while I do pies, pasta, casseroles and bakes. He also has taken over much of the shopping which he seems to enjoy - he's far better at getting bargains than I ever was. He walks to the supermarket (when I used to do it I'd take the car) and prefers to make several shorter trips a week rather than one huge shop. I'm sure we're saving more with him doing most of it.

Health problems are another matter - but you do deserve to have a life other than in the kitchen. Presumably, Soutra, you've had a talk with him to let him know how much this is upsetting/annoying you? It can feel like a big rejection when someone doesn't show appreciation for your efforts. Maybe he doesn't realise how much it affects you? Sometimes they (DHs) need to be told, in no uncertain terms!

All I know is that I refuse to be put in a position where I start nagging. So I don't nag about the ice cream, I just make comments (see above) every now and again

Afraid I've no idea. I was trying to make the point that it isn't helpful to say that it's their choice. I'm sure it's very frustrating from all points of view. I suppose moral blackmail wouldn't help?

I agree kitty. My point is - sure you can have an opinion, but, what do you do about it if they won't co-operate?

But who would look after them if their condition worsened through not taking the medication/eating properly? Soutra is entitled to have an opinion on how her husband looks after himself if he expects her to 'nurse' him should he get ill.

But Ana if an adult won't take what the GP prescribes, be that medication or a nutritional supplement, what are others meant do do? I also think that people should take responsibility for their own health and well-being (unless of course they really can't).

You can take a horse to the water, but ...

I've got a husband who had a heart attack 6 years ago. He gave up smoking at the time and he stuck to a healthy diet for a while and he doesn't drink alcohol, but now he is back to eating whatever he feels like. He loves ice cream. I never buy it, he does. When I say "That's a heart attack in a tub right there" he replies "I'm giving the statins something to do". So what do I do - make a row?

Well, they are grown ups not children, even if they're ill.

No, if it's a medical 'must' then that alters everything. There's a world of difference between someone being awkward or faddy and someone who finds a medicinal supplement unpalatable.

I don't pretend to know how to deal with that one.

Of course they have the right to choose to do, or not do, whatever they like, Lona. But if they won't take what the GP prescribed, whether it's special drinks or essential medication, are we supposed to wash our hands of it and not worry?

Those drinks are not nice, I know. Would rather have a smoothie and vitamins

Surely we all have the right to choose for ourselves. If they don't choose to drink the special drinks then, so be it.

I'm afraid I'm with bags on this.
I don't wish to be unkind/offend any of you, and I know you love them(?), but they are adults and you aren't their mothers.
If they don't like what you cook, let them see to their own meals. At least for a few days.

I think we are quite lucky, reading some of the threads on here.

I hate to show off [innocent] but my DH is so grateful for anything that I put in front of him. As soon as it's on the table it's heads down and no talking, till the plates are cleared. Both of us.

I can understand if there are health difficulties. That must be awful, and must need a lot of careful handling. But in good health, what's not to like about a cooked meal that someone has prepared?

My dear cousin who is a wonderful cook has to suffer being undermined by her DH who, without fail will find something to moan about re his meal! I know how much this upsets her especially as he is an ungrateful sod who can't boil an egg!