Am I in the wrong

Think you must be more forgiving and a better person than me, Soutra. I know I'd be pretty vexed.

I am frequently told things in confidence, but I occasionally ask if I may share things with my husband if I think that doing so will help me to shoulder a burden or if I think he may have an opinion that would help. I don't encourage gossip and if someone tries to share a confidence with me I can be pretty sharp. If I hear the words, 'I shouldn't really say anything, but...' my usual response is, 'then don't'.

It wasn't a case of the family knowing anything - the proposal came out of the blue to DD as well. Not so much keeping a secret as respecting a confidence. Not smug at all micelf quite honourable IMHO.

I am pretty good at keeping secrets. I do not see what the excitement is about knowing something others have asked that you not to disclose.

Work has given me a lot of that attitude.

I do find what your OH has done is way off the mark sixty my OH can keep something to himself so much so I think he worked secretly for the CIA in a previous life,whilst I would be fit for bursting if I am told anything but do not repeat until it is safe to do so.Does OH think you never intended to mean his DS and that his DS has a right to know your business ? very much a no no in my opinion.Try not to let this fester into something more serious as not speaking can soon become a major issue not something we should have at our time of life is it.

I have no trouble keeping secrets. Some years ago, I was privy to the fact that my niece was pregnant but was asked to keep it under my hat. When my other sister found out that I had known and hadn't told her she was furious. Now I find that something she told me had been told her in confidence. It's sad, but now I will never tell her anything I don't want broadcast.

Once you have told someone something it is no longer a secret. If you really want to keep something to yourself then don't tell anyone else.

Do you think Soutra that the family wanted you to have a lovely surprise. When you got over the initial shock of your husband knowing and not saying anything.

Yes I agree MiceElf. What does anyone gain by it. I suppose it makes them feel important enough to be told in the first place and smug enough for them to think it matters.

Don't you think that the most infuriating is for the keeper of the secret to smugly announce that they knew all the time? Real secrecy would keep that secret too.

Thanks for all your comments really appreciated. Cannot seem to let this one pass. Usually I would have moved on by now and forgiven him. This time I am still angry today if not more so.

I am rubbish at secrets! DH depressingly good! He was seriously ill in hospital but things were under control 5+ years ago and we had persuaded DD and her then BF to go ahead with their planned holiday to Australia over Christmas and New Year.
While out there BF proposed and DD rang me to tell us. When I relayed this to DH still in hospital he just said he had know all along as BF had had a quiet word with him before they left ( "asking" for his approval - aaah!) and he had KEPT THIS TO HIMSELF for nearly 2 weeks!
5 years on, 2 adorable DGSs and number 3 DGC on the way and the rest is history!

I once had a similar thing with my DH. I dealt with it.

BH = bloody husband

Sixty snap! MY BH currently isn't speaking to me either.

I would be very annoyed. A few years ago a friend told me something in confidence, some weeks later she mentioned it to my DH and was surprised he didn't know what she was talking about because she had expected me to tell him but not anyone else. No if I am asked to keep something confidential, then thats it - I tell no-one.

Not so long ago, quite separately, both our DS entrusted us with very different types of information that they want to be kept secret for a few months. We successfully did this and they each told the wider family when the time was right for them. Which happened to be on the same day. Each DS response to us was ' you could have told me!' They could not see the humour in that statement when each had been so adamant that we kept their quiet! It was very difficult to keep the secrets quiet, especially since they were happy ones. You are right to be annoyed, but big secrets are hard to keep. I hope it resolves soon. X

Some people (maybe all?) find it very hard to keep a confidence. I know I do.

A few years ago my DIL had a serious health issue that I was asked to keep a secret, including from my DH (2nd marriage). The fact that I could not off-load my anxiety on anyone was highly stressful - in the end my words were coming out slurred in some conversations. After things were resolved the speech thing immediately cleared up. I think it was the strain of my brain in constant edit mode.
I learned what a big deal it is when you ask someone to keep a secret.
Having said that - in your shoes OP I would be incandescent! There would be a huge row - and that is a rare thing for me.

I fully understand sixty. My partner's son has lived with us so quite close but I have been very annoyed when he has shared information that I think is personal to us. He has also done it when out with friends! Hope it resolves itself

I suppose I can sort of understand that your DH may have needed to talk things through with a second person if the estate is complex and he's worried and not wanting to upset you. BUT, he should have asked you first if you minded.

I hope things are better today and you have a contrite hubby.

What I find annoying is that the same step son when asked about his wife's family would say I don't know you will have to ask her.

I think now's the time to start leaving lots of those pamphlets around. You know the ones I mean. The ones where you commit to leaving your entire inheritance to a donkey sanctuary in Spain.

Thank you for all your comments. It is a help to know it is not me overreacting. Having a very quiet night!

I would be furious - I can understand how you feel.

I would be quite cross if it was me and I know DH would go ballistic if I did something like this to him.