My granddaughter's relationship with her other grandparents

you should mention it in a casual just to let you know way to your son, she is their daughter it is there's to deal with if you sound like your making any implications or make a big deal out of it to your son your DIL will possibly take offence to this as it will look like you are implying something against her parents. If you do as suggested you will know that you have at least made them aware of it but not interfered or caused upset.

In my kitchen is a big picture of me with a round mouth and a bubble coming out of it saying 'No', drawn by DGD. It means she knows that if I say no I mean it, but she still loves me!

DGS is fascinated by creepy crawlies. The AA man who came to fix the non-starting car and the CH maintenance man managed keep their cool as 3 year old DGS came up to them beaming, hand held out and said proudly 'I minding a slug'.

My little GS who had told his mummy and daddy that I was bossy and horrible loves me again. Especially since I allowed him to bring handfuls of snails into the lounge, fish for frogs and tadpoles in my pond and gave him a bag of chocolate animal biscuits. Fickle child.

My GD2 said she "didn't like Nana" when her Mum and Dad came to pick her up from my house, on their way to her other grandmother's house. It was pretty obvious it was because she was very happy sitting on my couch playing with my iPad and didn't want to go anywhere, not even to visit her Nana. Another day she insisted she was "going in Nana's car, not mummy's."

On the other hand years ago a relative was sexually abused when she was three by her grandfather. The abuse has caused many problems in her life as sexual abuse more often than not does. I wouldn't want to miss the signs.

My little grandson (3) told his mummy and daddy that Grandma (me) was horrible and bossy to him after he had been sitting on my lap for an hour at a birthday party and his mum and dad were in the garden having a jolly old time. I had just said to him to stay with me because they would be back soon. I cuddled him, rocked him, sang to him and kissed the top of his head.

I felt like the wicked witch of the west when his mum told me what he had said. I thought 'little brat' but he was just saying what he felt at the time. He is still loving and cuddly.

I wouldn't put too much thought to it. Maybe she didn't have a very good time the last time she saw them. Children are so funny.

Sometimes they are unable to say anything other than they do not like a certain person.
But of course this could simply mean that the grandparents got cross about something last time she was there. However, I agree that the body language was more significant than the actual words and if it is a one-off incident it may be no more than that.

I also felt uneasy reading this. I would have just said "oh, why," if she had something troubling her she might have said. I definitely would keep an eye on the situation. I don't think it is a good idea to just dismiss out of hand something a child says. Children are often abused by their relatives.

AKA and Ana I am with FlicketyB and Mishap on this

I think the child's distressed body language that has been observed is the worrying bit in this situation.

Children say all sorts of things and make up stories but I do not think any 4yr old would be able to convincingly fake that bit of it.

This is purely theoretical but Relatives etc must be very careful about how they talk to the child.
If in the worst possible scenario some serious abuse is very going on, the wrong type of questioning could mean any story the child wants to tell becomes inadmissible in court if any defence barristers want to suggest a child has been "coached" in its "evidence."

Which is why I suggested being aware and listening but without being overly anxious.

Goodness me! I agree, Aka...

I wouldn't read too much into it. This is how little children act, and I mean 'act'.

That was what first came into my mind. If she had said in an upbeat way "Oh I don't like them" as part of a chatty conversation it might have been OK, but the body language you describe is unusual. It may of course simply be that they are for instance stricter and she finds this disturbing; but it sounds as though she feels uncomfortable in their company.

A difficult one for you as you do not want to open a can of worms if it is in fact empty.

I was thinking along similar lines.

Difficult situation.

Reading fairygodmother's post, I feel less re-assured than many respondents. The description 'she looked down, and then said in a low voice " I don't like them." ' suggests to me something more than a child having a momentary 'down' on the other grandparents.

I think if one of my DGC spoke like that about her other grandparents my antenna would be switched on and I would watching and listening. It should be possible to mention the other grand parents to the child now and again in normal conversation and see what her continuing reaction is and if this low worried response continues, then perhaps you could gently talk to her and see if she will say why she doesn't like them.

The possibility of sexual abuse, must be considered.

I meant to say 'other grandchild' of course! Brain and fingers not in sync yet.

Is the younger grandchild a bit younger and perhaps needing more attention eg nappy changing, picking up and carrying around, whereas she is a big 4 now? Perhaps nose has been put put of joint a bit by the arrival of a new child in the family?

However, I would still be aware and be prepared to listen but take a pragmatic view if it is no more than a bit of childish jealousy (which needs reassurance of course).

fairygodmother, if this little one is your only grandchild she doesn't have to share you, possibly she finds her other grandparents sharing their attention with her cousin not to her liking

I don't understand what the fact that she is the 'natural grandchild' has to do with this, unless the little one and you expect more attention for her than for the adopted child. Such a pity these little ones have handles - natural and adopted , has she sensed this perhaps

I would not worry to much if she is generally a happy child. Relationships vary and as others have said maybe its just a bit boring at the 'other' grandparents!

My DGDs really only have me as a grandmother as 'other' grandmother is not very interested. They have only met her a few times and don't really think of her as a gran even when she visits! Sadly their 'other' grandad died last year and they knew him and liked him very much.
My DGSs have 3 sets of grandparents. We are the set that they see usually a couple of times a week and I have looked after them regularly for a day a week from 9mths old when DD2 went back to work. However I am not as exciting as the other sets as I am everyday Gran whereas the others represent a 'special occasion'! However I know all set of us love them and care about them..we all have different ways of being able to demonstrate that.

I'm a mum of 2 adopted girls and a son who just happened. I didn't like that distinction either I'm afraid. All 4 of my DGCs are from adopted daughter no 1.
I know you've explained you don't see them differently but I do think you should rethink how you express that. When son and fiancee produce another DGC for me, will I distinguish?
As for 4 year-olds being a bit awkward - don't worry, it goes with the territory.
My problem is with 4 and 5 year-olds saying they don't like (separated) dad and don't want to visit. Have remained very neutral and said all the right things but that's hard as I agree with them!

fairygodmother, I would not read too much into it at this stage, but I would definitely be alert (without questioning) and be ready to pick up on any signals that all may not be well in her relationship with them. It may be that they are rather strict, or don't do such fun things with her and that is all.

My DGD1 age 5 wouldn't speak to me for a short while at the weekend and wouldn't hold my hand; she didn't say anything but I know she was 'iffy' with me. We were out and I made a daisy chain for her little friend but didn't have time to make her one as well because someone else turned up and was chatting and then we went to do something else. There was nothing else that I could think of that had upset her! Contrary creatures, little girls!

nanapug Thank you for your kind comments. It's so nice to occasionally hear a kind word.

grannyactivist. I have clearly confused you somewhat. I should have rephrased the sentence to read - I was saddened when she said she did not like them . She is their only natural granddaughter, but they also have an adopted grandchild by another daughter. I am not making any distinction between adopted or natural. I think it's fantastic that they have adopted a little child and are able to give her a good home. Enough said.

Well said grannyactivist. I found that sentence difficult to digest too. A friend of mine had 5 grandchildren all in the same family. The first 3 were from her DiL's first marriage and they used to call her Auntie Mary as they knew her long before the second marriage. When the last 2 were growing up they chose to be the same and called her Auntie Mary. She loved then all equally and at her funeral one of the readings was read by "her eldest grandchild" which of course was one of the "adopted" ones.Lovely!

Fairygodmother what is the point that you're making about their other grandchild being adopted?
I said that I was saddened because she was their only natural grandchild - very different.
Sorry to be nitpicking, but as the mother of adopted children I am always dismayed when people make the distinction between children by birth and children by adoption. I'm glad that my children's grandparents have had the same love and affection for ALL of their grandchildren, however they came into the family.

Fairygodmother Don't start questioning her about this just stay alert about anything she might say. How does your son get on with his in laws?
If she makes any more such comments have a word with your son about how she seems when they are there. At 4yrs my DD was a great one for "I don't like you any more" to me when thwarted. Despite being a very happy and affectionate child. It's part of being four.