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I'm not sure what to do for the best.

(6 Posts)
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Marelli Sun 29-Jun-14 21:43:29

My eldest DD has separated from her DH after 22 years together. He's been really quite controlling and DGD (their 14-year-old) has always favoured her dad, having a very fiery relationship with her mum, and has refused to go with her.
DGD, for the last few years, has told my DD that she should leave the house and just leave DGD and her dad together. Son-in-law has done little to back DD up.
I've always had quite a good relationship with DGD, but haven't seen her or spoken to her for a month now, since the separation, as she won't speak to her mother and DD doesn't want me to rock the boat by contacting her. DD texts her each day, but doesn't get any response. I must respect DD's decision of not contacting DGD, but I'm worried that she will feel I don't care. Some of the GN's will know that my other DD estranged herself from me and I just can't take the chance of this happening again with my eldest DD, especially when emotions are running high just now. sad

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grannyactivist Sun 29-Jun-14 21:58:11

Marelli I know what a minefield this is for you and I absolutely understand why you are afraid to rock the boat with your daughter. I think the best you can do is simply explain to your daughter that you will comply with her wish and won't contact your granddaughter, but you are afraid that it will send her a message that you don't care about her. Then say that you'd like your daughter to give you permission to contact your granddaughter as soon as she reasonably can.
In the meantime you could keep a notebook to jot down positive thoughts and feelings you have about your granddaughter, date them, and if in the future she levels the accusation that you 'didn't care' you have the proof to refute that.
flowers and (((hugs))) because sometimes being family is so painful.

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janerowena Sun 29-Jun-14 22:07:30

I think I would write a brief letter, saying that I will be there if I am ever needed, show it to my daughter and ask if it's ok to send it. I believe in bridges always being kept open.

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Marelli Sun 29-Jun-14 22:10:24

ga, thank you for that. DD is 'strengthening' a bit now, and, having made the decision to leave, seems to be gaining in confidence. It will be a legal separation, and there will be no going back. It's worrying that DGD will only be hearing negative things about this side of the family now, and I do so want her to know that she's loved by all of us.

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Marelli Sun 29-Jun-14 22:13:46

janerowena, that does sound a good idea - because it's something she can look at and think about. Thank you. It's so important for the ways of communication to be kept open.

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Nonu Sun 29-Jun-14 22:36:16

Marelli , good luck with all this !!

xx & []smile]

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