I'm not sure what to do for the best.

Marelli , good luck with all this !!

xx & []smile]

janerowena, that does sound a good idea - because it's something she can look at and think about. Thank you. It's so important for the ways of communication to be kept open.

ga, thank you for that. DD is 'strengthening' a bit now, and, having made the decision to leave, seems to be gaining in confidence. It will be a legal separation, and there will be no going back. It's worrying that DGD will only be hearing negative things about this side of the family now, and I do so want her to know that she's loved by all of us.

I think I would write a brief letter, saying that I will be there if I am ever needed, show it to my daughter and ask if it's ok to send it. I believe in bridges always being kept open.

Marelli I know what a minefield this is for you and I absolutely understand why you are afraid to rock the boat with your daughter. I think the best you can do is simply explain to your daughter that you will comply with her wish and won't contact your granddaughter, but you are afraid that it will send her a message that you don't care about her. Then say that you'd like your daughter to give you permission to contact your granddaughter as soon as she reasonably can.
In the meantime you could keep a notebook to jot down positive thoughts and feelings you have about your granddaughter, date them, and if in the future she levels the accusation that you 'didn't care' you have the proof to refute that.
and (((hugs))) because sometimes being family is so painful.