Really, really shocked!

We had a nickname for the lady I worked with as mentioned above. People would say 'oh no, here comes askmehowIam?'

Good psychology janerowena!

I went to a couple of funerals where that was the song played when we all filed out at the end, felice.

We get quite cross with FiL for pandering to MiL. He just says, anything for a quiet life.

I did get a small revenge once. We were invited up to stay and half an hour after we got there (this was a record), MiL had one of her 'turns' and took to her bed, from where she issued feeble requests for me to do the ironing - (she only does it about once a month, simply buys new clothes if something needs ironing and she can't be bothered, so a huge mountain of it awaited me) and to cook dinner for everyone.

I cooked for everyone else (DBH&FiL&Son were out chopping a fallen tree) and started the ironing, and made her a nice nourishing soup. I made sure everyone else was busy eating theirs (pork chops in cider)before I took hers up, so that FiL couldn't be made to part with his. There wasn't a lot she could say, but she didn't look happy. I went up and retrieved her tray and left her some nice strengthening fruit rather than pavlova. She said she thought she would have a little nap and wasn't to be disturbed. I think that meant books and chocolates time...

Then the phone rang while I was doing the ironing again, and it was her beloved younger son. We had a lovely long chat and I put the phone down - just then I heard her running down the stairs and she burst into the room demanding to know who it was. She was livid that I hadn't put him through, despite my protestations that she had said that she wasn't to be disturbed! FiL came in at that moment and she was caught in the act of being very irate and with loads of energy. I think she decided that it wasn't going to work with me again, she was better off staying fit, so things have improved a lot.

Rose, I have a funeral plan, and that is the final tune,,,,,,,,,
I just spent the afternoon with DGS age 2 in the garden, sun shining, nice cold beer, he is now sitting on the sofa relaxing before he goes upstairs to annoy Maman and Papa.
Small pleasures, and anyone who has read other posts by me will know it has not been a bed of roses, but,,,, life is too short.
God bless to anyone who believes, and God bless to anyone who doesn't.
Still waiting to show a Gransnetter around Brussels ??????????????????

felice, you sound as if your cup is always half full (or full!) not half empty!

'Always look on the bright side of life , da dum'

Football, what football?

Oh and didn't we do well in the football, go Belguim, from a footie phobic.

feel a bit better about my Mother now I have read all of these. It is strange but i was born with a heart defect and my clever Father never let it bother me, did lots of games, taught Aerobics, canoeing and windsurfing in a previous career, then became a chef, not the least physical job in the world.
Then 7 years ago the heart went, artifical valve in 5 days, then fell and smashed my shoulder, then a pulmorary embolism, then 5 mini strokes, compressed discs in the spine, knees went, one replaced, didn't work, other knackered and severe arthritis.
I now walk with a cane and the amount of people who ask me if i have hurt myself,,,, i explain and they say but A..., you are always so happy and do anything for anyone.
I am not blowing my own trumpet as i know a lot of people like me, the trouble is it is the others who we hear about, I do get a bit frustrated with drama queens, have you noticed it is nearly always women??? SIL had a cold and was milking it, I went upstairs gave him a paracetamol and he shut up.I am adopted and found my real Mum 5 years ago and she is just like me, or maybye I am just like her !!!!!!!!! The sun is shining, I am trying to persuade DGS to let me change his nappy, then we are going to play in the garden, have a great day.

My MIL always said that people should never answer 'I'm fine' when asked how they were - she always believed in giving an extremely detailed response of her state of health (or unhealth).

A tale of two sisters: the parents were told that the younger one had a 'heart problem', so everyone, especially the older sister, looked after the younger sister carefully and conscientiously. The older sister died at 71, the 'ailing' younger one lived to 96.

You never asked my mother how she was, unless you had at least half an hour to spare.
And if you mentioned any ailment:--
She'd either
Got it or
Had it or
Knew someone who'd died of it!
This includes invented diseases such as Von Finkelsteins which I invented as an epidemic going round!

My mother was always ill, and would invariably contract whatever current illness friends and acquaintances had - only she'd be much worse, of course. About ten years before she died I was really ill with a bit of a mystery virus - unusual for me because I was rarely anything other than fit as a flea. Over a period of a couple of weeks mum hung on, and developed, my every symptom, determined to outdo me in the seriousness of it. After three weeks of me being convinced I was dying - and mum being worse, obviously, my mystery illness finally revealed itself one Sunday morning when I woke up yellow. I had hepatitis A. Mum was scuppered at that point, because, try as she might, she just couldn't turn yellow. Our GP thought it was hilarious. He went as far as to tell me I'd won that round...! Poor mum.

I used to work with someone like those mentioned above. She did exactly the same job as the rest of us office girls but said she couldn't do some of the jobs because she had allergies/ailments which prevented her from dong so. She was 'allergic to perfume' so they gave her her own office!!! Every now and again she would do a dying fly act, pretending to collapse so that everyone would fuss around her. She had once had (apparently) 'the worst case of shingles ever recorded in medical history' . One day we got a new boss who turfed her out of her own office and made her do the same jobs as the rest of us. She survived.

janerowena, I've known a few people like your MIL- one was a neighbour and I looked after her kids again and again for days on end- but then she would be off and party like crazy, and I was too tired to even move!!! She also blamed depression and a bad back- but her back never seemed to bother her when partying. In the end I was so glad when we moved away- as I just could not say 'no'.

A friend also had a daughter who would manipulate her in the most obvious way- and it was painful to watch, as we could all see it happen. Fortunately she found a new partner and all the symptoms disappeared overnight- and we were so relieved, for her of course- but for her mum who was enduring it all.

HollyDaze love that; your mother saying ' the doctor said he had never seen anything like it!'

It would seem we all know somebody who 'swings the lead' on a regular basis, so am thinking this must be very common? Not so much as the grannyactivist story perhaps, but in other ways.I remember reading Alan Bennets autobiography, and him saying that there was a woman in his street [terraced street in Armley, Leeds] that was popularly supposed to be slowly dying; so slowly as it transpired, that she saw everybody out!

I'm going to try that jane - just for a week or so!!

I have every sympathy with anyone who is genuinely ill. What I don't understand is why are others letting these 'prima donnas' (male and female) get away with it.

I am very suspicious of my MiL, I have to admit, and it makes me feel really mean. But she had a bout of what I think was depression, when she was still working, caused by being bullied at work. It was diagnosed as ME, and whenever things don't go her way she takes to her bed, says she is suffering from exhaustion/recurrence of ME, eats chocolate and reads romantic novels for about a week. Everyone in her family tiptoes around her, no-one wants to rock the boat and FiL says that actually, things are better when she is in bed all day! Yet she is perfectly capable of travelling all around the world for weeks at a time on her own, giving lectures. Mention that she ought to take her car in for a service only 40 mins away though, and she will suddenly feel tired until someone else says they will do it for her. Now that FiL has retired, he does all the housework (very large house) and all the cooking and shopping.

She is a very clever woman, I can't help admiring her at times...

What a strange story.
How on earth did she not get some kind of inkling ? No hospital or doctor appointments ? Did he collect any sickness benefits an if so , did he not need some sort of medical report ? How many years did it go on for and how did he manage never to get caught out doing something he 'wasn't able to do '.

I've known several people who concoct 'ill health' to get out of situations or to get attention and sympathy - my mother is one for overstating any diagnosis (every single one: 'the doctor said he's never seen anything like it'), my Dad, bless him, tended to avoid the doctor and medicate himself with some bizarre things - when the dogs had been de-flead, he'd sprinkle the flea powder on his own head and rub it in! My second husband was one for feigning a bad heart (he'd had a massive heart attack in his 30s) if he was asked to do something he didn't want to do, he'd stagger around, clutching his chest before falling - conveniently - onto a chair and the pain would subside once I'd done the job he didn't want to do. My mother feigned vertigo a lot - she was another one that would stagger, waving her arms around and fall - conveniently - onto a chair; how come they never fell onto the floor? How come it never happened when they were having fun? My son's wife is now the latest hypochondriac in the family

until the old witch died aged 86!

There's a tiny hint in that comment that you were not best of friends

My mother always 'enjoyed' ill health.
My mil was told at age 40 she had a bad heart and mustn't ever exert herself. She never did and her family waited on her hand and foot until the old witch died aged 86!

My now 95 year old Mother has always been 'ill', as long as i at 59 can remember she has had something wrong with her, and gone into great quite unpleasant at dinner, details, She has hardly had a day illness in her life, and cried wolf so much that when she had Gallstones even her doctor ignored it.
She is now in a care home and although old still has very little actual ill health.
She made eveyones life a misery with her 'illnesses'.
She just needed to be centre of attention all the time and that was her way of getting it.

A lady I know husband had her convinced he had cancer and was dying - refused to let her come to hospital with her to save her - he eventually took his own life, and she said to the GP how shocked she was but perhaps he couldn't face the pain at the end - transpired he had never had cancer....

What a tale! I wonder if he had a version of Munchausen's Syndrome, or something similar?

Secrets and lies, eh? What complicated lives some people lead....

About 20 years ago DH was an expert witness in an industrial injury case. His specialty was as an engineer not a medical expert. The person seeking damages had had a fall at work and was claiming damages for a back injury that had left him in constant pain. He had been treated for pain for several years, DH said he hobbled into the court room and was clearly in pain.

The medical evidence threw considerable doubt on whether the original fall and injury had actually happened as described, but said the man concerned had so convinced himself of his own injury that the pain was genuine and was probably psychologically and physically now so disabled that he was incapable of work so, while not entitled to damages he could be entitled to early retirement through poor health!