Really, really shocked!

I wonder how he managed to keep this a secret all those years. You'd think, if he was genuinely ill, there would have been hospital appointments, check ups, repeat prescriptions and so on. What a story!

vegas we honestly thought there were - what an amazing deception!!

What did he die of? Did she hit him very hard with a blunt instrument?

I didn't dare ask!
I knew this man reasonably well for ten years or so and all that time I, and everyone around him, thought what a lovely 'plucky' chap he was. He used to joke about his condition and say things like how grateful he was for every new day. We were all happily solicitous of him because we thought he made light of his ailment.
Wrong!!!

What a cheek! - how on earth did he get away with it for so long?

I'm with durhamjen on this one! You couldn't make it up although it would make a great plot"

Your poor friend must feel utterly bewildered and devastated. You must all feel very shaken and cheated.

He should have taken up acting for a profession, as he obviously put on a pretty convncing show. I wonder how he felt about deceiving your friend?

It IS truly shocking grannyactivist he had everyone fooled. I have heard of this sort of thing happening though, although it will be rare obviously.You wonder about his mental state don't you? Or did he simply see it as a good thing [at the time] but somehow it just carried on.Very strange behaviour.Must make you wonder [and her] who you can trust.

How dreadful , I wonder what on earth his poor children think of him now. His wife must feel so betrayed.

Oh that poor woman. That has to be one of the most extreme ways of not losing face and managing to get out of a lifestyle that isn't liked, by anyone ever.

We have a family member who enjoys ill health and many believe this individual is as fit as the rest of us. Yes, that sounds cold, critical and unfair and I don't feel easy saying it. But, there we are. A small number of people seem to enjoy life with the label of invalid. Sorry to read your experience granyactivist. Such a betrayal of the people who loved him best. I wonder what the prompts for this kind of unusual behaviour are.

I think that having told the lie he came to 'believe' it himself. I think if I'd found out before he died I would have felt duped, along with everyone else, but as he's been dead for some time and we hadn't really kept in touch I simply feel bemused and incredulous. I really did like him and he seemed a genuinely lovely man. I do feel very, very sad for his wife - finding out something like that must be devastating.
As for what prompted him; his wife told me he'd hated working on the farm and she thinks that's what made him say what he did. Then I guess having told her he was an invalid he couldn't see a way out of the situation without admitting he'd lied - easier just to keep up the pretense. It really does take all sorts doesn't it?

That is shocking GA and a terrible betrayal of his family.

A friend was shocked when, at her father in law's funeral, a whole other family turned up. Apparently his wife knew but didn't tell anyone else.

ga I'm flabbergasted at him managing to keep up that pretence for all those years. Reminds me of my ex's uncle - a bachelor who lived a pious life and never showed any interest in having a relationship. He had a heart attack in the mid-70s and thought he was dying - as he was taken to the ambulance, he told my ex's mother that there was a lady mentioned in his will. Turned out he and this woman had been in a relationship for forty years and kept it secret at his insistence. There was no barrier to them making a home together, other than his view of himself as a confirmed bachelor who was determined not to marry. He left her everything, anyway - what was that all about?

About 20 years ago DH was an expert witness in an industrial injury case. His specialty was as an engineer not a medical expert. The person seeking damages had had a fall at work and was claiming damages for a back injury that had left him in constant pain. He had been treated for pain for several years, DH said he hobbled into the court room and was clearly in pain.

The medical evidence threw considerable doubt on whether the original fall and injury had actually happened as described, but said the man concerned had so convinced himself of his own injury that the pain was genuine and was probably psychologically and physically now so disabled that he was incapable of work so, while not entitled to damages he could be entitled to early retirement through poor health!

What a tale! I wonder if he had a version of Munchausen's Syndrome, or something similar?

Secrets and lies, eh? What complicated lives some people lead....

A lady I know husband had her convinced he had cancer and was dying - refused to let her come to hospital with her to save her - he eventually took his own life, and she said to the GP how shocked she was but perhaps he couldn't face the pain at the end - transpired he had never had cancer....

My now 95 year old Mother has always been 'ill', as long as i at 59 can remember she has had something wrong with her, and gone into great quite unpleasant at dinner, details, She has hardly had a day illness in her life, and cried wolf so much that when she had Gallstones even her doctor ignored it.
She is now in a care home and although old still has very little actual ill health.
She made eveyones life a misery with her 'illnesses'.
She just needed to be centre of attention all the time and that was her way of getting it.

My mother always 'enjoyed' ill health.
My mil was told at age 40 she had a bad heart and mustn't ever exert herself. She never did and her family waited on her hand and foot until the old witch died aged 86!

until the old witch died aged 86!

There's a tiny hint in that comment that you were not best of friends

I've known several people who concoct 'ill health' to get out of situations or to get attention and sympathy - my mother is one for overstating any diagnosis (every single one: 'the doctor said he's never seen anything like it'), my Dad, bless him, tended to avoid the doctor and medicate himself with some bizarre things - when the dogs had been de-flead, he'd sprinkle the flea powder on his own head and rub it in! My second husband was one for feigning a bad heart (he'd had a massive heart attack in his 30s) if he was asked to do something he didn't want to do, he'd stagger around, clutching his chest before falling - conveniently - onto a chair and the pain would subside once I'd done the job he didn't want to do. My mother feigned vertigo a lot - she was another one that would stagger, waving her arms around and fall - conveniently - onto a chair; how come they never fell onto the floor? How come it never happened when they were having fun? My son's wife is now the latest hypochondriac in the family

What a strange story.
How on earth did she not get some kind of inkling ? No hospital or doctor appointments ? Did he collect any sickness benefits an if so , did he not need some sort of medical report ? How many years did it go on for and how did he manage never to get caught out doing something he 'wasn't able to do '.

I am very suspicious of my MiL, I have to admit, and it makes me feel really mean. But she had a bout of what I think was depression, when she was still working, caused by being bullied at work. It was diagnosed as ME, and whenever things don't go her way she takes to her bed, says she is suffering from exhaustion/recurrence of ME, eats chocolate and reads romantic novels for about a week. Everyone in her family tiptoes around her, no-one wants to rock the boat and FiL says that actually, things are better when she is in bed all day! Yet she is perfectly capable of travelling all around the world for weeks at a time on her own, giving lectures. Mention that she ought to take her car in for a service only 40 mins away though, and she will suddenly feel tired until someone else says they will do it for her. Now that FiL has retired, he does all the housework (very large house) and all the cooking and shopping.

She is a very clever woman, I can't help admiring her at times...

I have every sympathy with anyone who is genuinely ill. What I don't understand is why are others letting these 'prima donnas' (male and female) get away with it.