Feeling terrible.

Thanks Sparky. That is a lovely thing about GN isn't it? People are so supportive and reading that others are not always sweetness and light in these situations is very comforting.

Well said Purpledaf

I must admit to getting very cross regularly with DH. He has had strokes and suffers from aphasia which probably makes me sound like a horrid sort of person. But these conditions and his many medications also make him very bad tempered and self centred at times, quite understandably really. I have found that if I am too forgiving and conciliatory it just makes him worse. (Think spoiled child!) plus there is a need to stick up for oneself on occasion or sink.

We are fine now, were the next morning. Love him to bits, was just tired, exhausted and ratty (me not him)

flower only latching on to this trend very late but don`t beat yourself up about it my DH suffered a stroke almost 9 months ago and to my shame I have lost it on 2 occasions being Mrs Perfect it very trying at times!!

I love that.

One of the men on a board elsewhere got very upset if we moaned about our OHs. He is fine now though, after I told him that it stopped us from moaning at them, we got it off our chests and were able to greet them sweetly and lovingly, feeling so much better for just having described them as **** (insert appropriate rude words) and having received sympathy.

Saw a wonderful story the other day:

After 40 years of marriage a husband found, in a shoe box, a stash of money totalling over £3,000 and two crocheted dolls.

He asked his wife why it was there and what did it mean.

She replied that when she married him she promised herself that she would crochet a doll for every time he made her angry or annoyed her. He was thrilled that there were only 2 dolls in the box of money.

'What is the money for then?' he asked

'Oh, that's for all the other dolls I sold' she replied.

I wish I had a husband to shout at.

Flower Don't worry about it, as long as it's not an everyday thing.We all have ups and downs at whatever age.You sound to have a very good and grounded marriage.

I remember a tale years ago of a woman who yelled at her husband that he always looked so scruffy when he was in the garden.
The next day he was out cutting the hedge in his dinner suit, dress shirt and best shoes!

I just don't think you should be cross with yourself over something that would drive me potty, too!

Chainsawing of logs today - not a scrap of sawdust in sight after my outburst!

I NEVER tip toe around him janerowena Never have done. We do have quite an equal relationship. He does lead a normal life, what I meant about the fussing was that he is quite 'normal' now in that respect. Before the illnesses he hated anyone fussing over him.

This was me two days ago, we have been doing major hedge-cutting and I came into the kitchen hot and tired knowing I had to get lunch together, to see him sitting at the breakfast bar with his ipad, still in mucky shoes and covered in goosegrass seeds and leaves and twigs, with stuff all over the (previously) clean floor. I lost it too, because I was tired.

So he went outside and stripped right off down to his underpants. He was apologetic, though.

You can't tiptoe around him, though. Surely he would rather lead a normal life and be treated normally, than be reminded of his frailty for you not being your usual practical and justifiably annoyed self.

Mishap thanks for understanding and that goes for you all. He is well although he does moan a lot more about his health now, probably due to fear that something will happen again. He was sedated with pneumonia for almost 4 weeks and in ICU for 6 after his cardiac arrest. His heart is 100%, his lungs the same, maybe it was the cancer fear although he seemed to be quite stoic about it and just got on with it, trusting the doctors and consultants. I think he got used to all the fuss and attention in ICU though. Normally he hates it if he has a cold and I used to fuss, now though he seems to want the fussing. We are fine, I apologised and cuddled him, he said ' Its over now and I'm sorry about the mud on the carpet'

I had used carpet cleaner ( I am not a fussy housewife by any stretch of the imagination but it was the thoughtlessness that got to me.)

All happy now. I still adore him and still remember the gorgeous guy I fell head over heals in love with. Most of the time I am still very much in love with him that's why its riles me when he does something 'stupid'

Girls, girls... that's blokes for you. That thoughtless, grumpy old chap who drops mud all over the floor, makes silly little demands at the most inappropriate times...oh and fallls asleep five mimutes after changing the TV channel to the foottball match he insisted he wanted to watch, is the same chap we fell head over heels for decades ago! I had the same moment this morning.... attacking what seemed like several hundredweight of fallen apples prioir to making apple jelly, the OH demanded a pin to unblock the nozzle of a tube of super glue. Frazzled to the point of homicide, I offered a nearby cocktail stick to to be told..'That won't do it ...I want a pin!' I sort of exploded but fortunately he's v. deaf so didn't hear me chuntering as I went in search of 'a pin' (which didn't work anyway) There's 80 years between him and our grandson and I sometimes wonder which one is the more demanding!

Flower My DH has recently been diagnosed with prostate cancer (he is 68). He will start radiotherapy in the next month or so. He has gone from being happy-go-lucky and positive, to being a frightened little boy, constantly look at me for reassurance. He is also complaining about everything which he never did before. I know it is fear and I am trying to keep him 'together' and feel bad that I am inwardly frustrated and feel like screaming some days. We have had some problems with the house recently and instead of 'getting a man in' he is trying to fix everything himself, as if he has to prove that he is still capable but the mess is driving me demented. I hope things improve for you.

I am with you in my heart Flower - it is very hard indeed living with a man who is less than well. What do we do? Do we treat them as if they are normal and fully well? - which means expecting reasonable behaviour, losing one's rag now and again, setting the standards as if there were nothing wrong. Or do we tiptoe round them, biting the tongue and putting up with things we would not normally tolerate? At what point does one approach cross over into the other?

I am in the same boat - OH with PD and getting more and more rigid and slow in his movement, but, more importantly, in his thinking.

I lost it yesterday too - most of the family here - children hurtling about - people needing food - me with a streaming cold - and what does OH do?......decides he needs to mend his spare glasses and needs me to find the tiny screwdriver and help him do it. He was undeflectable - he wanted it done NOW! And then he got irritated as people were having to go out of the front door to pack the car and he wanted the door shut! I admit I lost it!!! Makes you feel bad - but we are only human.

Deep breath Flower - today is another day!

Good morning Flower, I hope you both slept well, and that the carpet recovered overnight.

You are all so wonderful, thank you all so much. Cuddle it is.

A cuddle and a sorry if he's still awake. Otherwise I'm afraid it's breakfast in bed tomorrow morning.

It is that time of year when wet leaves appear all the time (never from DH's shoes, of course).

Buy a handheld vacuum cleaner, some Lidl wet wipes and give him a kiss.
Then say 'please take your shoes off when you've been outside'
Of course if he is like DH he will ignore that.

We all have these moments with our OHs Flower so don't beat yourself up about it. Give him a cuddle and make up, you'll both feel better when you have.

"make uP" of course!

FOTW he loves you and will understand if something "snapped". Hug and make u and I am sure you can put it behind you. You yourself have been thr ough tremendous strain during his periods of ill health so do not beat yourself up about it.

Better go up and give him a cuddle, Flower.