What's wrong with my lovely daughter?

Gillybob How did your lovely DD keep her space when she lived at home was she clean & tidy in her own room,is this totally out of character for her ? I would say she is a bit down on her self esteem at the moment after the shock of the previous relationship it does take a while to get over and to not have a boyfriend who can see this is not helping do you think ?
Can you not invite her to stay with you for a few days and see first hand how she is in herself and maybe have a one to one chat about how you feel about it,does she have any single girlfriends she can pal up with for days/nights out maybe she needs to enjoy some time without the ties of a relationship for a while.

Thankyou for your prompt replies Elegran and Jings much appreciated.

Yes Elegran I think you are right and there is something really troubling her but I don't know how to get to the bottom of it. The long term realationship she had with the RAF rat (you may recall he disappeared but thoughtfully left his debt behind and we couldn't trace him) seemed to sap all of her confidence and she has never been the same since. She also seems to be buying stupid things that she clearly doesn't need as though she is making up for something. I do think she is bored, who wouldn't be? and it would seem she has nothing to look forward to anymore. It is the thought that she may be suffering from depression that worries me the most.

Yes jings she does spend a lot of time on her own. They both work shifts and have weeks when they don't see each other at all. She doesn't have a large group of friends but the few she does have either work shifts also or are married with children and have little time to spare. As I said my DD has never been exactly "into" housework but this has gone to a whole new level after yesterday. I can recognise what you say about your own DD when you say she comes in from work very tired and crashes at 8pm as mine does the same (without getting up to tidy it would seem). Also it is very hard for her to fulfill any hobbies due to constantly changing work patterns. She loves drama, cooking and making things (any sort of craft) but mostly ends up sitting on her own. I agree that nature does play a part but I dont think she can possibly be happy living like this.

Could you persuade her to see her GP ? It seems possible she is depressed. Even if this is not the case she may open up to him/her rather than her mum.
No matter what their age, we never stop worrying about them do we.

Hiya Gillybob. Am I right in thinking that, as the boyfriend lives in another town, she is mainly on her own at the house? My younger DD lives on her own and she is a bit similar to this. She is very tired when she gets in from work and so does'n t get round to doing much clearing up. In fact, she sometimes goes to bed at 8 o'clock, and then gets up in the night to have a quick tidy! And, of course, it's not enough, and it can mount up and then it gets on top of her. And then at weekends she just wants to get away from it!

I'm not sure what the answer is. I think a bit of loneliness, and perhaps even depression, plays a part. I'm not being very helpful because I don't think there is much we can do for them, apart from having the occasional go at it ourselves. Maybe it's just the way they live these days. And partly down to nature. DD was never tidy when she lived at home.

You are right that cleaning and tidying the house is just dealing with the symptoms, gillybob. The trouble is deeper than just her not getting round to it. You may be helping the immediate surroundings, but unless she can tell you what is really troubling her, it is just re-arranging the deckchairs on the Titanic.

Can you get her to talk when she is round at yours? Maybe the nice but fushionless bloke is starting to annoy her and she can't be bothered cleaning round him? Maybe she is bored with never going anywhere and needs a bit of a spark in her life? Maybe it is all on top of her and she is in danger of depression?

As usual, it all seems to be falling on your shoulders.