Help needed (fairly quickly!) to compose a Thank You letter.

I do remember seeing that sort of thing as a small child, and they always struck fear and dread into me! If I had found one in the loo, I think my innards would have seized up.

My grandmother used to send out calendars every Christmas with a religious tract for each day of the year. She was a member of The Brethren. One day my parents took her to visit some church acquaintances without prior warning and Grandma was obliged at a certain moment to visit the (outside) lavatory. There she found her gift of a calendar strung on a nail next to the Izal. She returned in high dudgeon and not only did she never visit those people again, but she stopped sending the calendars!

Result!

Just say thanks for the picture, that the blend of colours is inspirational and you think she has great talent, and the picture will look fantastic hanging in the loft......
Well it's one idea..

Well we propped it up last night and gazed at it and decided to wait and see if it grew on us. We really did try. It didn't. It was like a baby-poo-coloured black hole sucking us into a whirlpool of despair. So it's been banished to the back of a double wardrobe.

Anya

Oh Jane Sorry but it made me laugh as well. The colour combination might make a nice floaty scarf but it would never look good on a wall.

How about. "The plaster on our house walls cannot bear the weight of such a big painting"?

That one is better than the one I have. Mine is far muddier and murkier. DBH has been gazing at it bemusedly and trying to find its best side. He says it looks like a bad copy of an old master that someone has left in a cellar to get mouldy and dusty, and it should have stayed there!

Mishap what you can't see is that it looks just like school poster paints. Water splodges, brush marks and all.

I like it too, Mishap!

(Although that's not the actual painting janerowena was given, apparently, just a similar one...)

Just had a really belly laugh at the picture janerowena. DH asked me what was so funny and I showed him the picture, to which he replied "it's as good as that fried egg cr@p that we have on the landing" ! It's a daisy for god sake !!

Solution Jane give it to Mishap

Oh dear - I quite like it!!! Sorry!

It does look better not so bad sideways on (green powder-puff to the right)

Just looked at the picture you posted. Are you sure you have it the right way up?

How about something like "I have just taken up pottery and as you sent me one of your lovely paintings for my birthday I felt it only fair that I should send my first ever attempt at a full dinner service to you for Christmas. I also have a matching tea set ready and packed for when you send your next offering

My daughter and son-in-law were given a particularly hideous sort of carved wooden African warrior thing a few years ago by son-in-law's brother and his wife. My daughter hated it and rang them and said 'thank you for the thought, and I'm sure it cost a lot of money but it is really not to our taste. Perhaps you could return it to the shop and get us a voucher'. She is SO brave. She doesn't get it from me.

Personally designed for me, I meant to say! Am I shady and murky, was the thought that came to mind... Also the picture looks very angry. Maybe it's more how she feels about me.

So very, very tempting, but no I mustn't... What a fabulous idea though. I feel better for just imagining it.

My mother-in-law is an artist and a good one, but most of her work isn't to my taste. She fully understands that art is very personal and not everyone has the same tastes. Would all would-be artists felt the same way. I did try to keep some of MiL's work, but she sold them, sadly. I have two potter friends and I'm pretty sure they give me their rejects. However, as my sister assures me that my picture was personally designed and I hate it, I think there is always going to be a bit of a problem!

I have told her that it is going to sit propped on the back of a dresser with other ornaments and gifts given by friends and family. I haven't lied and said I like those gifts. I also haven't said how long it will stay there. I have said that I have very little wall space - which is true, in the hope that anything she sends in the future will be small.

Why don't you sent a card with a thank you message in it. The card could one of those beautiful "art" ones available at galleries (among other places) and you could choose a picture that you really like on the front. That way she might get the message that that's your taste rather than what she is producing. Or is that too subtle?
Alternatively give her a painting by numbers set for her next birthday!! That might do the trick

If you look at the one I have posted, doesn't it remind you of when we were told to 'express ourselves' at school? The one she sent me is murkier and I did wonder what she was thinking of when she did it!

She has just sent me another email telling me to try a different picture frame to suit my décor, so Anya wasn't far off!

I have put on a very similar one from her website that is less swirly.

I asked how she made mine - she placed a board on a record turntable!

I just wrote to her, I thought I was being complimentary, but she saw through me and thanked me for my honesty.

I really think that we should be treated to a photo of this oeuvre on your profile!

Anya - that is a far better masterpiece than my sister is capable of creating.

I shall use you as my role model.

As your prize - I shall send you - A Painting!!!

My dearest sister,

I must thank you for your delightful painting. It has stirred deep within me a longing to own a little holiday cottage by the sea. The juxtaposition of sea and sky, of land and nature expressed in your work deserve a view to match.

While I am searching for the perfect little bijoux (which I will name Nova in your honour) in which to place your maserpiece I will keep this treasure safely boxed away from harm until it can be placed in the perfect setting.

Your admiring sister

Jane.

When my mother was alive I always knew when she didn't like my new clothes/curtains/décor because she would just act as if nothing had changed and not even seem to notice that I had a new dress/curtains etc., still less say anything.

I think discretion is the better part of valour here as well. Just say something simple like 'your painting arrived safely, thank you' and leave it at that.