Do all women get fed up with their husband's 'stuff'?(long)

Respect for doing all of the "diving" pompa

I think the there's a lot going on here. Perhaps you need to make a list to help you focus on which is making you feel worse. The easiest would be is his messiness. I'd buy a few of those plastic boxes and every time he leaves his stuff about put it in the box and either put it outside to rot in the elements or just stack it in the garage were he can trip over it. The next is having to nag him because he doesn't see what needs doing. I write my husband a short list on his days off if I'm at work. He hates the list but there's a part of him that realises that if he didn't have a list he too would not see what needed doing. He irritates you I think over 60% of both sexes in long term marriages/relationships would admit to this from time to time. The fact that you have little in common isn't serous. I have hardly anything in common with my husband but we do enjoy the simple things in life together. Long walks give us the opportunity to connect and see things from each other's propective. The most serious is that you feel lonely in the marriage. Are you sure your not just pissedoff-- fed up with his untidiness. I think this is a time in our lives when we reflect. It can be scary wondering if the best is behind us and perhaps regretting some of our desions and Worrying about the future. I somtimes feel trapped as opportunities arise less and less. Not just in my marriage but my work. It's a horrible confusing set of emotions. I tell my daughter that this stage of life is worse than being a teenager at least then there was the hope that something amazing might just happen. I'm not sure this rambling has helped at all. I hope someone here can be more helpful

I think that's a good idea, bags. I don't think you can change a hoarder (I certainly couldn't) and living with one can eat you up with resentment unless you can reach a compromise.

As for the housework, etc., sweetshop, perhaps you and OH can agree that he has certain jobs like taking the rubbish out, washing up or whatever so that he knows what he's expected to to.

Good luck!

I think that's an excellent idea. Although I have limited DBH's 'stuff' to his study, the garage, his shed and his books in the dining-room, and the music room that he shares with our son. At one point we used to row about the 'stuff' he left anywhere and everywhere, though. Anything he leaves lying around elsewhere gets dumped unceremoniously in the garage now.

Have you considered making one of the rooms in your house (possibly one of your children's bedrooms) your room, sweetshop? Somewhere you can do your writing and other activities and have your things around you but not his or him? You could call it your study or your office or whatever but make it clear from the beginning that it is your special place and anything he leaves in it will be thrown out (but of course he isn't going to leave anything in it!!!!).

I can recognise something of myself in him. My wife and I do not have a lot of interests in common, but that has never been a problem (I hope), we do share a few interests.

I am untidy, a hoarder and probably create most of the housework. BUT I do do most of the DIY (which I am pretty good at) most of the heavy gardening work, we have a large garden, and all the diving (which I now hate).

I rarely cook, apart from porridge & coffee for breakfast, but I do clear up after dinner and sort the washing up/dishwasher. If Linda is pushed I will help with dusting etc. Ironing, very occasionally. Washing, dangerous letting me loose with the washing machine, but I do put the odd load on.

I do get moaned at for not doing my share from time to time, probably warranted and I try to improve (for a bit)

We have been together for 50 years and are pretty happy with our lot (or at least I am).

Not sure if this helps, but its how we co-exist without many arguments.

My only comment would be, you only have one life - decide what would make you happy and work towards it.

Ha! The double garage is full of his stuff- mainly bikes and tools.

That still doesn't sort out his untidiness or his lack of effort with the house.

He needs a man cave. Does he not have a shed or a garage?

I am not busier than ever with work

now busier!