How do you know that walking away is the right thing to do?

We are glad of your appreciation darlin'.

Nice post dear............

bee63 How right you could be!!!!

I agree there is no 'point' in being envious or dissatisfied Jane, but that is the way some people are. We should try to change this trait in our personalities, but for some of us it's not easy.

Maybe your dh feels the same?

How about getting an allotment ? That would be good for growing things and physical activity and you would meet other gardeners. I would book some holidays in the places you fancy living but go out of season. My partner is a bit intellectual but useless at DIY and just occasionally I miss ex-DH who was a builder!

Hang in there

Nonu and Atqui
I've never gone down the road of 'there are people better off than me'.

I can't see the point of being envious or dissatisfied because some people have more holidays, more meals out, go to more parties than I do etc.

On the other hand, I know there are a lot of people worse off than me. It doesn't make me feel better if I'm feeling low for any reason, but it does make me count my blessings.

Rosequartz not menopause lol! Mum died after battle with Alzhiemers and DD1 got her act together finally (not completely tho') with the 2 GC's. No longer feel part of the sandwich generation. SIL completed 3 Afghanistan postings. So life for DD2 more balanced. Chuck in a couple of selfish younger siblings and the scenario is pretty much complete.
Alex

I really do know someone who was relieved I should say, perhaps pleased sounds a bit awful, about the accident which killed her husband. I think he was very controlling rather than abusive and it gave her freedom which she wouldn't have got any other way. She said he would never have agreed to a divorce.
She has had huge amounts of trouble with her daughter (who was 8 at the time, now 21) though going off the rails as a teenager and I always wondered if it was to do with the death of the father and the sense that her mum might not have regretted it.
The daughter has a child of her own now and seems to have settled down and mum and daughter are quite close so I suppose life moves on and things sort themselves out if you're lucky (or skilful??) or have help.

Reminds me of not wanting to eat all my dinner when I was little - DM would say that 'there are children starving in India'. But they could not have my dinner.

There will always be people who seem to lead much more exciting lives, but they may in fact be thinking how lucky you are with your lovely family alex. Who knows?

Menopause? Just a thought, don't throw the pc at me.

(that was to Nonu and Atqui, but applies to alex's post as well...)

I agree. And those who tell you that you should be grateful because etc. come over as thoroughly self-righteous and smug!

Nonu I am one of them. It's counterproductive to add this into the mix when there's internal conflict. When I was going through a similar phase a while ago, my dh would say "you don't know how fortunate you are. There's people far worse off than you are". I would rage internally at him. Poor soul. He thought he was being helpful. It seems to have calmed down. Certain life problems have gone. That has helped.

I have never gone down the road of , "there Are people far worse off then me ".
That is the way I am !

<Le Shrug>

I am pretty sure there are many like me !!

But the " there are people far worse off than me" thought doesn't usually help if you are feeling unhappy.

Surely it's human nature to compare?

Jings meeting other people who have exciting lives , for example exciting holidays, a lively social life ,a very happy marriage, can make one feel dissatisfied .

I don't see how what happens in other people's lives makes any difference to how we feel about our own life.

rose - yes I wondered if perhaps he was abusive. A bit harsh though. I can understand not been upset or not bothered, but delighted? My father was an abusive alcoholic who made our childhood hell and drove my poor mother into an early grave but I was still upset when he died, goodness knows why, but I was. We are all different.

Perhaps he was abusive and it was a release and a relief, KatyK. Who knows?

I think DJen asked a valid question and if you are able to look at different scenarios with some imagination then it could help make your mind up.
'How would I feel if?' and put yourself in that position, thinking of all the people you know who have been bereaved, divorced or separated and how you think they cope and how you could cope in their position. Of course, the reality could be quite different to what you may think you will feel, because of the reactions of other people (children especially of whatever age) which could put a different emphasis on all future relationships. Even so, perhaps it would be helpful to have a good think and focus your mind.

When I say 'you' I don't mean you, anniezzz09 in particular, I just mean anyone in that position, but when I typed it with 'one' it looked a bit pretentious!

Perhaps they were not delighted that he was killed in a car crash, but that they felt set free without the trauma of a divorce.

Someone was delighted when their husband was killed in a car crash. Really?

ha, ha rosequartz, I recognise that scenario. I struggle with the ability of DH to quote you any date from history and know the story behind it, battles, heros, the threads of history ad nauseam, but then he fails to remember birthdays, medical appointments, names, things I've told him, where things live in the kitchen, urrgh but ho, ho on a good day

Thank you mishap and don't stay away djen. I'm sorry if I upset some people by what I posted but I was feeling very tortured when I wrote it and I really did find such help in the replies.

Living with other people is a tangled business and it's hard to find an objective standpoint on your own. I had a long talk with DH this morning which was good and I am fortunate that he is not violent or abusive which is a situation that many women have to put up with.

I wonder if there could/should be space for a bereavement forum on the site, perhaps divided into categories for types of bereavement? I do understand what pain the process of grieving brings. Saying 'supposing the living person you are complaining about was dead', is one way of getting someone to think about their relationship with that person but it may be no help at all. They may not be able to imagine it, they may actually wish it, they may actually fantasise about killing the person! They may be better off without the person in question.

Love and peace people, there's enough trouble in the world without spreading it oneself. If there was a symbol for heart, I'd add it but flowers will have to do