does your mother really annoy you

I did maisie for a lifetime nothing I did was ever good enough. My mother died 8 years ago and I did not feel any guilt at all. I supported and visited regularly, had her to stay at least 5 times a year which included all the Bank holidays and it still wasn't enough. Just make the most of your own family and reap the rewards of a loving and mutually respectful relationship.

So sad, I so wish I still had my mum.

I really want to give my Mum a hug now. But I can't.

The question for me will have to be: 'Do I annoy my DC?'
The answer is: 'Probably'. (Oh, I do hope so, can't be perfect all the time!)

My mother used to annoy me. She'd moan about her eyes or her teeth and I'd arrange a house visit for the appropriate attention with her permission. I'd ask her how it went later on and she said shed cancelled! As I lived 200 miles away it was frustrating to say the least.

I'm sure, in fact I know, I annoy DD. I'm on eggshells. She does have health issues which I try to allow for but it's very hard sometimes.

My Mum was so difficult - I tried, I really did, but I was not alone in finding it a problem. She was superficially kind and loving, but everything was overshadowed by her bitterness at the unfairness of being a woman. Don't feel guilty Maisie - you cannot make things how you might wish and can only deal with how things are. I too found my Mum difficult to love - a loss for both of us, but reality is as it is.

I too wish my mum was still here to annoy me

Nothing I do is or ever has been good enough. My first mistake was being conceived. My mum and dad aimed to have children born at the end of March....you used to get a whole year tax rebate for a March baby. Mum didn't really want children but dad did so she went agreed. The deal was that if she didn't conceive at the right time of year they wouldn't try again until the next year. I was conceived on the very last unsafe sex session of that year. Not to worry this was their chance to have a son then mum wouldn't have to have anymore cos they already had a daughter (she was four years older than me lol). Oh dear, mistake number 2....I was a girl. Life continued in this vein. I wasn't girly enough....I was incredibly noisy and clumsy lol. I wasn't clever enough. Thin enough...yes I was on my first diet at 8 years old which slimming tablets from the doctor. I didn't pass enough O levels....I got six but failed three. Mum latched onto the failures. I didn't marry a doctor (mum measures a woman's success in life by her marriage lol). I was a bad mother (she said). I did my degree in my thirties with the OU. I 'only' got a 2:1. I could go on but it would never stop lol.

My older sister passed away when she was 11 and my younger sister is the golden child.

Oddly although it's been my whole life she can still hurt me with a throw away comment.

My mum died in 1979. She was a complex women. She lived with the knowledge that she could die at any minute. I'm sure that had a profound affect on her. She was very tight lipped and not very demonstrative. More to do with the times she lived in, her upbringing and of course her illness. I knew she loved me. She apologised to me once for piling so much responsibility on me when I was little. I don't think I was very understanding but I was very young when she died and didn't have a lot of insight.I think we'd have had a close relationship had she lived. It was my dad I had a problem with. He was rather a selfish man. I think we partly blamed him for my mothers death. He only had to be in the same room as me and I'd get prickly. He had awful habits. I don't think I'm very tolerant really. I can somtimes see the same expression on my oldest boy face if we are together too long. (Most of the time we get on fine)The thing is my dad, me and him share many traits and we look alike. relatives hey ...it's a complex business

Yes.

Mine died when I was two, so I don't know whether she would have annoyed me. Quite probably, some time along the way.

I am conscious that I may be or become annoying to my own children though. It's that barely-concealed impatience sometimes when I'm not as up to speed as they think I should be, or if I forget something...and I'm only 63!

Thank goodness your adult children know how to show the love your mother craves deserves. You don't say how old she is but would it hurt so much to show a little affection? One day you will be sitting where she is sitting and you might also feel old and lonely and unloved. What goes around comes around you know.

My mum was a jealous woman and she grew more jealous and paranoid as she got older. And bitter too. She had a public face though and most people thought her a lovely lady. She saved her needling and grousing for dad and me. I know she did love me in her way, her possessive way. I wonder if it's just their generation. Perhaps the deprivations of living through the war and the lost opportunities of what might have been.

Soutra, have you ever tried showing love to someone who throws it back in your face.

I wonder what our offspring would say if the same question was asked of them!

vampire I didn't mean to criticise your situation just felt if OP showed more affection perhaps her mum might not be so needy. You have a diffetent problem it seems and I wouldn't presume to pass judgment. My mum was not an rasy person but with hindsight I feel I was so determined to cut the apron strings there must have been times when I unwittingly shut her out. We are not one of us the perfect daughter just as none of us is the perfect mother- we just muddle through life and usually regret some of our actions when it is too late.

There's a difference between finding ones mother annoying and finding her difficult to love.I loved my mother dearly , but she still annoyed me at times, just as I'm certain I annoy my children with whom I have a loving relationship. We are only human and as Soutra says some of us have regrets when our parents are gone.

I never said it to my mum but I've said to my children more than once when they were younger when they'd misbehaved "I don't like you very much at the moment but I will always love you. Waiting for the day they say it to me

Mum did annoy me now and then.

I very much sympathise with you maisie - and everybody who has had a difficult relationship with their mother.

I visit my mum every other week and always come back feeling stressed, tearful, tired, angry, sad, frustrated - and guilty for feeling that way.

I'm sure many of the people here who have expressed negative feelings about a parent would prefer not to have those feelings. It is impossible to experience someone else's relationship or understand why they feel as they do. Most children do everything they can to please their parents - even when their efforts are rejected. This quite often continues into adulthood and in fact it is sometimes the son or daughter that has been least favoured who makes more effort to help an aged parent.

I agree with JaneR. My reasons are well documented!

I've probably nagged on enough on here about my ghastly childhood but what I would say is I should have stopped trying to please someone who didn't want to be pleased and was happy being a victim and watching me squirm. Don't waste your life on a someone like this - if they are like this that is. So yes my mother stills annoys the hell out of me and she's been dead for 12 years.

My Mum and I were very different - to put it briefly, she was rightwing and I'm leftwing. So she used to irritate me with her views. My sister is more like her so they got on better.
I still loved her though, she was a good woman, and I managed to "hold my tongue", apart from once.
I still miss her, she died about 12 years ago.

I wish I had my mum too. I am 65 and she died when I was 24 (my youngest sister was only 14). That's not to say I don't understand how people can be irritated by their mum. I think my daughter is very irritated by me! I am afraid I saw myself in your post masie. I have complained to my daughter about how little they visit or how we don't do stuff together any more. Your post has made me decide to stop it!

sorry maisie not masie

I had two mothers (I was adopted) and miss them both. But, the mother who adopted me had a dreadful temper and I was terrified of her.
Hence, I sought out my real mother when I was old enough and she was a lovely woman in spite of everything. We became great friends and I wish with all my heart that she was still here. But I am aware that I owe a great deal to my adoptive mother, and I do hope I wasn't too unkind to her during my unhappy teenage years when I found out the truth about my background. It's haunted me ever since.