Daughter-in-law problems....

Humptydumpty, you will be ok. My ex son-in-law was great......no arguments, no bitching, just a lovely boy...sadly, their marriage didn't last (the usual thing, had an affair....men can't help their animal urges, it's wrong but it's a fact) but he is a good Dad to my lovely grandchildren.

Even worse in my case Humpty

First tine poster
I really feel for all you with the stained relationship between son/daughter and the person they married. In the past I now realised that I did not treat my mother in law in the way that I would have liked to be treated myself. I now realise this now because my dil is lovely never tries to exclude me send me pictures of my g/d regularly and on mothers day presented me a gift from my g/d and a card after my son had given me his gift. She never demonstrates that I take over my g/d when she visits letting me and my husband feed her and cuddle and from her I have learnt restraint and respect for her and my son who also puts in boundaries that I do not cross I feel blessed that one I raised a son that values his family first and is loyal but sets his family on their own course and because I am blessed with a dil who is thoughtful and kind. I know I am lucky and wish I had treated my mil in the same and considerate manner.instead of behaving like a spoilt brat at times.

WelcomePepper

Lovely first post and good of you to share

I do wonder when our AC will wake up and realise the pain & despair they have caused, for no reason. I miss my AC&GC each and every day My beloved GC have missed out on all that love and adoration from their maternal side of the family and especially my precious GD from all her real blood family that love her so, so, much

A lovely post Pepper. You're blessed with your lovely d.i.l. and your son.

pepper I could have written your post myself. My dil is a lovely girl & wonderful mum. She has treated me with a kindness that at times I didn’t deserve - I am ashamed to say that when my dgs was first born, I didn’t conduct myself the way I should have, didn’t offer the support my dil needed & looked for any and all signs that she was favouring her side of the family. This couldn’t have been further from the truth and I am so grateful that 1, I noticed the error of my ways before I caused permenent damage to our relationship and 2, that my dil was so forgiving. I’m not sure I would have been of my mil. I receive pictures of my dgs several times a week, and am in almost daily contact with my dil. My gratitude was even greater earlier this week when I received a beautiful, personalised birthday gift from ‘dgs’. Which I know it was solely down to my dil.

You are certainly blessed Spaniel

How blessed Spanie and Pepper are.

I have been invited for Easter Lunch to my older son's house. His wife has never liked me and always makes unkind remarks. I am not looking forward to it because I don't know what she will say next. But I will go for my son's and grandkids' sake. Her parents will also be there. I feel they invite me not because they want me there, but because it's the right thing to do. Anyway, have a lovely Easter , whatever you're planning to do xx

yogagirl crazyh I promise you both that I know how blessed I am, and am thankful for it everyday. I know from these boards that many of you have not been shown the kindness that I have, and although I do consider my ‘offences’ relatively minor compared to some horror stories you hear, I am all to aware that several of you have been treated appallingly for far less.

*too aware

Are you on your own CrazyH you've no doubt said, but can't remember, I do remember about you going to your GC Christening. Well, try and enjoy your Easter lunch with your Son & GC, wish I was in your shoes, with my estD, feeling it a lot this Easter I suppose it's because my other DD is away, so no Easter egg hunt at mine this year

Happy Easter all

Yes, Yogagirl, I am on my own.......usual thing, husband had a long term affair...I was the last to know, thought she was my friend.... Divorced him... Long story short, they are married, live in the same town. Daughters in law are very friendly with the new wife, so my life is very difficult and complicated.....
Anyway, went to my son's house for the Easter egg hunt, followed by lunch. Because I don't see the grkids as often as her parents do, I could feel they are very close to them. The nearly 3 year old looked happy to see me, but the baby, not so much. But what does a 7 month old know....I am a stranger to her.
It's fine...I am learning to accept my place in this family ....I am someone they just tolerate.
P.S. d.i.l was civil to me....she tried to slip in a jab or two, but I ignored her. My son will do anything for a quiet life. When he noticed the baby was uncomfortable in my arms, he said oh it's only because she doesn't see you often. Well, he could easily sort it out by asking di.l to bring the baby to visit me. (He works away during the week )
Enough of my moaning....there are grans worse off than me. Hope everyone had a nice Easter... I feel bad I did not attend church today.

Oh yes I do remember now CrazyH about how difficult it all is with your ex & his new wife. My first H had an affair with a work college/friend of ours, I suspected all along, but no prof till we had a holiday in UK and a letter arrived from her to my H, I chucked him out [we were staying with my m&d] but we had our return ticket back to South Africa and we made up just beforehand.

Glad to hear you enjoyed your Easter meal with your son & GC and that your d.i.l was civil with you and your attitude towards the situation is a good one. I'm not the only one to feel bad about not going to church yesterday then, I did watch 'songs of praise' on the t.v, so that was my bit of 'church going'

I'm glad that you day went OK Crazy. We had a lovely weekend. Out with our girls on Saturday evening and then had them for a lovely roast lamb dinner yesterday.

It felt like a proper family Easter Sundayand we're so thankful to have them living next door. Skyped DS and had a laugh with him. Oh, the things he comes out with when he's safe on the other side of the worldbut he knows I never forget and I'll 'get him' the next time he's with us; after I'd hugged and kissed him and covered him with tears of joy of course.

A lovely post SpanielNanny and what it shows is the importance of patience, kindness, understanding and above all love.

Your d.i.l. accepts that like her, like all of us, you're human. You made mistakes, errors of judgement and she recognizes how important you are to your son, your GC and no doubt to her. After all 'to err is human, to forgive is divine'.

Message deleted by Gransnet.

So nice to hear you had a lovely Easter Sunday meal with your girls next door Smileless, how funny that they should be there for you [and you for them] out of all the neighbours you could have ended up with!

I've just joined this site. My granddaughter is just a year old. I would love to see her every day if I could - they only live a bus ride a day. She is my only grandchild, and the absolute brightest joy of my life, the daughter of my middle son. I am realising that I am lucky to get on fine with the baby's mother, who isn't yet married to my son but will be, this October. I see her every 10 days or so, usually, for about 2 hours at a time, which seems not very much to me, but reading some of the comments here, I am starting to feel a lot more grateful to be having this much. So thank you for giving me some perspective, as I do often feel that I'm a bit 'rationed'. The busy lives most people lead today seems to mean that there is never enough time to spare and everyone gets a much smaller slice of it.

You are really lucky Maudlillian....
I understand youngsters these days have such busy lives and it's difficult for them. But when, your d.i.l. doesn't work, lives just a couple of miles away, and takes the children to her mother's house every day, but doesn't bother to visit me or ask me over , it's very hard. But I must accept it.
All the best xx

crazyH that must be very difficult and upsetting for you.

Thankyou Smileless xx

Yup, recognise that one CrazyH

A 7-month old child is not likely to feel very comfortable around any extended family, unless they live in the same house. There is little point about stressing over being excluded because a baby isn't falling over himself with joy to see you. When your son noticed the baby was uncomfortable with you, he should have taken the baby from you. Your feelings are not more important than the child's. For the first 6 months of life, a child needs no-one but their parents. Extended family becomes gradually more important from toddlerhood onwards. Start working towards building a relationship from now on, by building one with your DIL. The key to your grandchildren is their mother.
My MIL hasn't seen my son in 2 years, but she has an excellent relationship with him. That's what Skype is for. I encourage their relationship because she treats me like a real person, not as an incubator for grandchildren, or as the enemy.

Are other grandparents going to the boy's party? Or is it just his little friends? Do you manage to see the boy regularly? Surely, even if you and the DIL don't get on, your son can let you see the little boy?

I saw this old post after I did a google search about grandmothers not being invited to birthday parties.

My feelings were so incredibly hurt that I was not invited to see my 4 year granddaughter blow out candles and sing "Happy Birthday".

You see my son-in-laws parents live with them and "the party" consisted of them - not little children because of Covid. Furthermore, his family was invited the following day to celebrate cousins birthdays. The consolation prize was Chucky Cheeses with hundreds of kids running around and no cake to sing Happy Birthday although I had fun riding in the back seat with my granddaughter.

I see my granddaughter almost every weekend at my condo or sometimes I go over there. I am vaccinated and have been very good to the parents.

So, this weekend I ordered a cake, decorated my house and invited my 86 and 81 year old Mom and Dad and we'll have a party on our own.

My heart is broken by my daughter and the other grandmother - I feel the other grandmother should have had the heart to say "invite your Mom for cake and candles" but now I know - I will never step foot in their house again.

It's a sad situation but at least I know where I stand and it's something I can plan for. I won't be caught up in the drama and hurt.

geester, I’m so sorry you are hurt. However, please don’t spring a surprise party on them. I do not see that going over well.

Or have I misunderstood and you are going to have a party without her?

Please don’t take any of this to heart. You were invited to spend time at your granddaughters party. That should be enough.

Don’t cause a rift over cake.