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Brick-wall situation regarding DGD.

(29 Posts)
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Marelli Thu 20-Nov-14 20:03:58

Jings, I was thinking of doing that. It's really all I can do... sad.
petallus, when I spoke to her that afternoon, I told her that I loved her and that I'd always be here for her for when she was ready. DD is putting on a brave front - she texts her most days, but gets no reply. She's contacted her ex-DH and asked how she is, and the reply is that she's ok. After I'd spoken to DGD that afternoon, I texted SiL to say I'd done so. He'd said the choice was hers and that was an end to it.
DD is now speaking more about how controlling he was and how she spent so much time out of the living area of the house as she didn't feel welcome sitting with them.
I just feel so sad that my DD has struggled with this for so many years before finally giving up on it. And I hadn't known just how unhappy she was.

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petallus Thu 20-Nov-14 19:43:17

Marelli that is so sad. How I feel for you. I had a similar situation myself some years ago with two of my GSs but luckily in my case it didn't last for long.

I wonder if your (separated) SIL uses your GD in his battles with your DD. Very wrong if he is.

I think all you can do is somehow let your GD know you are there for her come what may and then wait to see what happens.

I wonder how your DD is managing the estrangement from her DD.

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jinglbellsfrocks Thu 20-Nov-14 19:32:43

Send her a card with a cheque or a voucher in it. Ignore her behaviour. She will grow up soon. Try not to worry. Easier said than done, I know.

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Marelli Thu 20-Nov-14 19:28:21

Some Gransnetters may just remember that I was really concerned a couple of years ago about my DGD's behaviour. She's now nearly 15, but from when she was really tiny, she's shown anger towards her mother (my DD). Her father was very reluctant to set boundaries and didn't give any emotional support to DD when she tried to set these boundaries herself. Eventually, after 22 years of being together - married for 12 - DD and SiL have separated. DGD is furious with her mother for leaving her and her father, although over the years, she has said to her father that he should divorce DD. This behaviour has been condoned by SiL in parts, and I think he and his family decided that DGD's behaviour is just 'her', and they've not really discouraged it, to any great extent or supported DD in any way when she tried to lay down boundaries. In effect, DD's opinion didn't seem to count for anything at all.
DD wanted DGD to go with her when she left, but wasn't surprised when this was refused.
Now, 6 months on, DGD will not speak to her mother at all, either by text, or if DD calls at the house with 'personal' items for her. DGD also won't have anything to do with me. We'd always had a good relationship - never any challenging behaviour exhibited when we were together and we did actually have fun.
It's her birthday just before Christmas, and I don't know what to do. I did see her once a few weeks ago when she was walking home from school. I stopped the car and went over to her, but she made as if to run away - which made me feel awful. I did try to talk to her, but got very little response. I want to give her presents for her birthday and Christmas - but how on earth do I do this when she won't have anything to do with me?

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