Only Child.

I wish I had a sister. My brother disassociated himself with the family 30 years ago, he did not like any of us before that.

However, we have just had a fantastic family lunch with DSs and their families. Very heartwarming to be part of all 3 generations enjoying each other's company. Made my Christmas. x

I'm an only child and so were my parents (though after my dad died i discovered he had 2 half brothers). Sometimes I wonder what it would have been like having a sibling - my sister died before i was born - but I'm quite happy as I am. I've had my ups and downs as we all do in various guises and I'm quite self sufficient and resourceful and don't tend to rely on anyone except myself - much to DHs chagrin at times - and I think being an 'only' has taught me that. I guess there are pluses and minuses on both sides.

I have 3 daughters and love the fact that they would walk through fire for each other - it is so lovely to see them together.

I am a only child. A sister would be nice but only if they were one that I could get along with, otherwise they may be more trouble than they are worth.

Kiora. Your relationship with your youngest sister is exactly the same as mine with my youngest sister.

Some sisters are overrated. I have three. I'm the oldest and because of my family circumstances have always felt responsible for them. For years I dutifully visited them. Even though I live 200+ miles awayAbout 15 years ago I used to wonder why I felt so unsettled after visiting one of them. It got so bad that I'd feel horrible for days. Then following one visit I realise that I didn't like her. Oh the relief I felt admitting it. I stopped going, I stopped ringing as often. She came to my children's weddings, she came to my 60th. We brushed along ok until my dad died. Then her and another sister tried to completely isolate the youngest. I confronted them. They messed up my dads funeral and didn't want me to have his ashes so I could carry out my promise to him to have a catholic blessing. I've never heared from them again. It doesn't even hurt. I do wonder if I would feel guilty if something happens to either of them but I'll have to live with that if it happens. In praise of sisters is my relationship with my youngest sister. She has always been there. She loves my children, I love hers. We cling to each other at times of bereavement. We ring each other almost daily. Somtimes more than once. Our husbands wonder what we talk about. We share big worries and small ones. It's such a comfort to know she will always be there. That we share all these past memories. We have very different tastes in almost every area and yet we are very alike. The best thing though is I trust her implicitly. She always has my best interest at heart. She's a great sister.

Sisters are way over rated. Best I can say, is when mine are in trouble they know who their first call is. Mine is to my daughter or my best friend.

No;family is family..there will always be a difference .

Sorry, and along with our brothers out there too.

Surely we are all sisters to each other, are we not?

The older I get the more isolated I feel being an only child, especially as my mum was the youngest of a large family and had me when she was in her late thirties and my dad was 50. So I don't really have any other family members of my own age. The people I regarded as my family were my ex husbands and when he left I lost the family too. I'm finding it particularly hard this year, made worse by the fact that a cousin who is a lot older than me and is my only remaining family member isn't in the best of health. I feel that if I had brothers or sisters, even if I didn't get on with them I would belong in some way and at least have shared memories. I'd just like someone out there that is mine in some way .

I am an only child and normally enjoy living alone and doing just what I want, however being diagnosed with cancer and awaiting an op, I now wish I had a sibling that I could rely on for a bit of help. My DD is super but she works and has her toddler my DGD to look after as well as the grown up toddler, her partner. My mother is in eighties and we do not see eye to eye, she still thinks I am 6 years old (not senile just her attitude), If I don't agree with her, I am stupid and useless etc. I dread her taking over my house after my op, which I know she will as she is so controlling.
However I have a half sister, my dad remarried and had a new family and years ago I found my half sister, I imagined a sort of copy of myself, a hard worker who likes books, theatre etc, maybe a librarian or teacher. I was so disappointed, we met only once and now just send Christmas cards. She, at 52, was dressed in a cropped top, showing lots of flab, mini, high heels, blonde long hair and her manner was so common. 'she has drifted from man to man, loves partying and flits from job to job, moving from abroad back to uk, she is a wanderer.
Please don't think me horrible by criticising her like this but she will never see this comment and I know that despite her strange ways she is kind hearted but I just cant feel at ease when I know that she has a new man almost every year, she hates reading, loves alcohol and wears cheap dresses with lots of sparkle. I am just so opposite so I could never confide in her. I am so sad about this.

I know what you mean, KatyK. My sister is my best woman friend, too. I have one daughter and a son who is 9 years older, so I always encouraged my daughter to be friendly with her girl cousin of the same age. This worked up to a point but they are only occasionally in touch now they both have families. However, my daughter has many friends which she is very good at keeping in touch with. I think Facebook has a lot to do with it!

I have three sisters. Two of them are my best friends and we are always there for each other. I have never really felt the need for friends. My daughter is an only child and I have felt rather guilty about it. However she only had one child herself so she must have been ok. She is very close to her friends so its swings and roundabouts I feel.

How I sympathise with you Falconbird. I have no siblings and always longed for them, but it really hit me when I lost my DH very suddenly in 2008 and then lost my younger daughter 16 months later .
I soon found out who my true frends were (quite surprising which ones weren't!), but it was then I really did long for more close family.
My DH had two half sisters ,old enough to be his mother, and their offspring do still keep in touch with me. Apart from them I just have my elder daughter and family and my late daughter's two girls, who live 300. miles away.
I know family members aren't always supportive , but it would be good to have some.

Charleygirl that reminds me of when my grandmother was dying and her SIL and daughters descended from afar, never visited in 10 years, and did the same thing. It was only my turning up, I didn't know they were there, for my every evening visit and seeing the bags of stuff they'd packed that stopped them from pretty well emptying the house. They'd even hired a huge people carrier. Makes me feel sick recalling that....
Must say my friends far more supportive than family!

Charleygirl that's awful!! Yes. Families!!

Families- who would want them? In 1979 my parents were in hospital in Scotland, both dying of lung cancer. I was married, working full time and living in london. My mother came from a large family, 5 still alive including herself. Her sisters descended on the house, wanting to say their last goodbyes. They each wanted a momento and this they did also, filling every usuable bag for the purpose. They stripped the house so I was not best pleased. Luckily they were travelling by plane or the furniture may well have gone with them!

I agree that siblings can have problems, and I have listened to friends (and read on GN) talking about horrific break ups and squabbles, and been grateful not to have to be part of all that. My own children too realise that they are lucky that they and their partners get on so well - perhaps they live far enough apart to make it work.

And while I do love DD, and we are fully appreciating each other's company, I have my circle of friends here, as does she; sometimes they overlap - I am only 18 years older than her, which all of a sudden isn't a big gap.

I find it hard to imagine being close to a sibling. My brother died a sad death some years ago. My sister and I worked together to look after our elderly mother but after she died I found that we had nothing in common. I found her to be so bossy and overbearing that I preferred not to be in her company. Since then she`s made, what I see as, some very odd life decisions which makes me even gladder that I don't have to see her any more. I do make an effort to keep in touch with her children who I feel sorry for. My own DD is as near a best friend as anyone could wish for but I hesitate to take up too much of her time and appear too needy. Families eh? You can choose your friends but not your family!

I'm an only child too. There is only my mum (94), her brother (96) (who has shown no interest in, or even liking for, me whatsoever) and three cousins left - only one of whom I have any sort of relationship with.

I didn't particularly mind being an only child when I was young but as I've got older I've felt it would be lovely to have a brother or sister. We could offer each other support at difficult times, and share childhood memories.

I realise that's not necessarily what happens - I'm sad to see that my own children (7 years difference in ages) have very little in common with each other and are not at all close. But I do know people who have a very special relationship with their siblings and it gives them great comfort.

I do agree in some ways about the grass being greener.

When my dear mother had to go into a home I was in some ways glad to be an only child. I used to see families having big fall outs about this difficult decision.

I talked to my husband and my sons but they all agreed that it was my decision in the end.

Also because I had no brothers or sisters to consult with the decision was made quite quickly.

Mum settled into the Home quite happily and was well looked after for five years.

My own sons have fallen out now and I find it upsetting - but I guess familes do that from time to time.

Maybe I do live in a bit of a cloud cuckoo land - comes from reading too many stories about big happy familes when I was a kid.

It's not all fun being in a big family you know! I used to wish that I was an only one instead of being the fourth of five. Adult siblings are not always supportive and helpful and I would choose my friends over my sisters any day! The grass is always greener I suppose!

Falconbird, could I suggest that sometimes "only" children have an idealised view of sibling relationships. My only brother passed away a few years ago and whilst we didn't get on particularly well, and he was certainly very little help with our parents when they became ill, I was full of regret and experienced the feeling "I'm the only one of my original immediate family left now" when he died.

Having said all that, I know a few people who are having a hellish time with their siblings, a close friend of mine has a brother and sister who I thought were close but their relationship broke down when their family home was sold to pay for their mother's care home fees when her dementia became too advanced for her to live independently. My friend has Power of Attorney and she is not worried about her dwindling inheritance and wants the best for their mother and is aware that the money being spent at this stage is not theirs anyway. She also visits her mother all the time to make sure she is being cared for properly. The other two don't and would like to see far less of the family money spent on her care. Another problem I see from those who still have elderly parents is resentment about time spent caring/helping with those parents, particularly if they feel they are doing more than their fair share.

Whilst I wouldn't want to speak for you being an only grandparent, I think there might be a few on GN who would give their right arm for that experience. Again there's a lot of discord with some about the hierarchy among grandparents, as a paternal grandparents I can say that we are down the pecking order somewhat, although I do get to see my grandchildren frequently and my heart goes out to those who have been cut out.

Another only child here. I like others envy those with sisters, I was not close to my mother although we were not estranged and I supported her until she died ,very,very old. I would have liked someone to share that with me. I am not geographically close to DD although we are in contact most days, but most of all I would like someone to share my DH's memory problems when I want to offload.